skies_the_limit Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I have yet screwed up a decent relationship due to my jealousy issues. My first girlfriend cheated on me and my older brothers wife cheated on him at a very early age of my life and I looked at her a second mom. Seeing failing relationships happen around me I would say is the root cause for this. I cannot live my life like this. It eats me up that I can stoop so low. Ive got a good life going for me and this one issue holds me back from good relationships. Any advice from people who have been through this before and have overcome. I need to start working on myself asap!!
Satu Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You already know some of the reasons you have this problem, and thats a HUGE positive. When it comes to long-standing jealousy, I think single-issue, short-term counselling is the way to go. 4-6 sessions would probably help a lot. At the least, it would get you started on fully resolving the problem. And hey, when you've handled it, life will be sweet
Author skies_the_limit Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Thanks for the advice. Its a shame I didn't take care of this sooner. Please keep the pipeline coming! I could use as much insite as possible.
dichotomy Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Is it jealousy or insecurity or trust issues ? Or even self esteem? They are different issues, but can be tied together especially with cheating experiences. Need to understand more what your issue is with relationships and women? 1
sharkbite0 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Realizing your flaws can be a very good thing, don't take it as a negative sign. Everyone has flaws but the people that want more out of life work on their own flaws. Take a moment and appreciate what you went through and figure out what you've learned, you say it's jealousy well, tell ya the truth, a little bit of jealousy is healthy in a relationship but too much will almost always destroy it. You have to learn your trust issues and like the post above me has already stated, you know why you have the jealousy trait and that's a huge thing you can use to your advantage when trying to understand and regulate your jealousy. Therapy will help, but you can take a few steps on your own beforehand, maybe you just need to meet some friends of the opposite sex that can show you that not all people cheat and even the ones that do, can change their ways and like I said before, we all have flaws. Take care of yourself and try to think about what is making you jealous in the situation and before acting on it, go take a run and think it over. I've been jealous before and it has torn me apart mentally, but the more girls I've dealt with, the more I start to understand what I want out of them. Not all will be willing to work with you, butt he girl that is meant for you will appreciate you taking the steps in the right direction. Don't be a jealous *******....no one likes that guy, and he's not attractive, it shows a lack of self confidence and can also lead the other person to get up and leave you out of no where because they will finally be fed up explaining to you why they hugged an old friend when you were out, or how a guy texting them in the early hours is not their fault (most of the time) haha. Jealousy is tough, but do what you can to build your self confidence and I believe you will control the urge a little better. Good luck! hope this helped! -Mr. Bite 1
Author skies_the_limit Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 dichotomy, When I think about the question of is it this, that, or the other I have a hard time pinpointing exactly which it is. I feel very achieved in my career at this point and it definitely helped my self esteem. I would have taken this break up a lot harder two years ago. The last girl I dated I was unsure how much I could trust anyways (and that may be my fault). I was trying to protect myself from getting close but naturally it progressed and once I felt deep feelings for her my jealousy starting coming out. I could see that it was going to destroy any chances to make it work but couldn't help it. It was a possessive type of behavior. She was HUGE into social media and was constantly on her phone. Even if we would be hanging out she was glued to her phone and could not do without it. Maybe she is not right for me but I hate that I gave in to jealous behavior and was telling myself that everyone is different and if I like her than I have to accept it. We talked about my issue and we agreed to work on it together but she did not see progress fast enough (would be my guess) and started to lose attraction for me and I cant say I blame her. I had a final blow up and I could see the disgust in her face. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT FACE AGAIN DUE TO ISSUES I HAVE. She went back to her ex and that does not make me feel that bad because I know how comfortable that can be. It maybe was going to happen anyways but I would like to know it was because of nothing I did wrong. Some more replies from anyone in regards to my problem I will take with open ears.
Gloria25 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I think others pretty much hit it on the head here - which is, that jealousy can stem from a lot of things (i.e. self-esteem, confidence, insecurities). Jealousy is a natural and sometimes healthy thing. We all have emotions and need to express them. The thing is, you gotta control your reactions to the jealousy and not let it eat you up. If it is eating you up bad, maybe therapy would be good to help you find out what really is motivating it (i.e. childhood abandonment), so you can not let jealousy rule your life. I recently had a bad bout with jealousy. But now that my "lady stuff" came today, now I sorta know why I flew off the handle recently. I am not sure if he was just doing his thing, was mocking me, was trying to make me jealous. I took what he was doing the wrong way and got frustrated and wanted to hurt his feelings and it got ugly. So, jealousy can make things ugly if you don't keep it in check. I mean, jealousy can let the person know you want them (even if they weren't intentionally trying to make you jealous), but if they take it too far, they can push you to want to hurt their feelings in retaliation...or, you don't care anymore and leave them alone cuz the jealousy they are making you feel turns you off and away from them. So, jealousy can spice up things and can keep someone interested, but if done wrong and/or too long, that person may end up hating you or just giving up on you. I don't like when people intentionally try to make you jealous. You talking about a chick makes me think of a chick I've been observing. She's really an idiot. She's trying to make her ex husband jealous by snagging up some boy at the same military base her ex husband is at. Anyone can see through her game cuz she lives like 8-10 hrs from that base and if she was really looking for 'love lost' with another military guy (as she put on her OLD profile), there's a base like 2 hrs from where she lives - full of young, old, etc guys she could have her pick from. Then, she snags up some young, lonely military guy - around the holidays - and now is blowing up social media with pictures of him and her and they are in "looooove" and barely know each other barely for a few months. Again, her ex husband is probably just rolling his eyes cuz no big in picking some young, lonely guy at his first duty station who probably misses his family and hasn't gotten a chance to meet a lot of chicks...also, I'm sure her drama is why the ex got fed up with her in the first place and this "jealousy" game she likes to play just goes to show that she has not and will not mature. Jealousy games are immature people. So, IMO, people who play jealousy games - eventually it'll blow up in their face cuz it is so blatant the poop they are slinging. I don't play games. I don't have any game. I watch Law and Order for drama. I don't need drama in my life.
Author skies_the_limit Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Thank you for the reply and would still love to see more.
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