is this part of life?

[michaelmyers24]

hi, im an 18 year old male and i have recently suffered from a breakup. I have been with the girl for 3 months and it was my first love. Girls call me cute all the time and even my guy friends say im a good looking guy. I am scared im going to be alone. All i do is sit in my room all day i had a job but i got fired, i drink about 4 beer a night and just listen to music. I feel angry and sad and alone. I got screwed over by my job and my ex, I feel like i don't even have an identity anymore. I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and i was given zoloft but i haven't taken it yet. I try to be a good and careing guy but that hasn't gotten me far........ Also i've been having trouble eating and sleeping. And i have been drinking about 2 tall cans of strong beer a night which gets me drunk. I have tried therapy and i have supportive friends and family but nothing seems to be working. I feel like im losing myself and i feel lost.

[dyna85]

Yes, this is very much a part of life... the disappointment, the hurt, the frustration, the works. There's no way of escaping it. It's part of the journey. As trite as that sounds... the reality is, that these experiences (no matter how painful) help your soul evolve.

 

My advice for you would be to stop drowning your emotions in alcohol and get outside every day, even if you're aching and feel like you can't go on and feel no motivation to move. Most of us on this board have felt like you. The only way out is 'through' so you have to do things for yourself, no matter how small, to get better. Force yourself to exercise or do something besides dwell on the misery. I know it's easier said than done, but you have the inner strength to overcome adversity. You have the ability to find another job, if you put forth the effort, and you will find someone else, in time. Everything happens (good and bad) for a reason, and closure from all the bad crap that happens comes with time. You will eventually look back and understand the reason this chapter turned out the way it did. Each day is new chapter and a chance to find yourself. It's up to you though. You may feel completely lost, but you have all of the strength you need to carry on, but it's up to you to take the steps to get there. Deal with the emotions as they come, no matter how painful they are. Nothing is permanent in this world. Not even the lowest of the lows. No matter how persistent the pain may feel, it won't last forever.

[d0nnivain]

What kind of support do you have around you? Can you talk to your parents about how you feel?

 

 

Drowning your sorrows is not a solution.

 

 

It's a new year. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Get a new job & get on with your life. Being productive again will help with the depression.

[michaelmyers24]

yes i have lot's of support, but nothing seems to be changing the way i feel, it's almost like im so deep in a mental state that i can't even figure out what's going on with me

[hoping2heal]

hi, im an 18 year old male and i have recently suffered from a breakup. I have been with the girl for 3 months and it was my first love. Girls call me cute all the time and even my guy friends say im a good looking guy. I am scared im going to be alone. All i do is sit in my room all day i had a job but i got fired, i drink about 4 beer a night and just listen to music. I feel angry and sad and alone. I got screwed over by my job and my ex, I feel like i don't even have an identity anymore. I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and i was given zoloft but i haven't taken it yet. I try to be a good and careing guy but that hasn't gotten me far........ Also i've been having trouble eating and sleeping. And i have been drinking about 2 tall cans of strong beer a night which gets me drunk. I have tried therapy and i have supportive friends and family but nothing seems to be working. I feel like im losing myself and i feel lost.

 

Breakups are hard for anyone, but I do have the opinion that young breakups might feel a little more hopeless simply because you have not lived and experienced long enough to have perspective such as "yes, you can love again" etc. etc.

 

There is nothing wrong with being a decent person. Would you rather be a selfish and unscrupulous one?

 

Anxiety disorders can create a living hell. Try the medication but do not drink with it - that is dangerous. Also, the medication alone might not be enough or it simply might not work at all. Do you have an option of seeing someone to learn how to manage life with your disorder?

 

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You can get another job and another girlfriend. You also don't need a girlfriend to not feel alone - you may even find solace in something like an online support group for people who suffer from anxiety disorders. It might be affirming to meet others who understand what it is like to have anxiety - my only word of caution would be that while support groups are intended to be a source of understanding and support, they can also be a source of people living out pity parties and perpetuating negativity. Just be wary of that and steer clear of it.

 

I agree with the poster who mentioned Parents...can you talk to them about the feelings you are having? The more you stay quiet, the more you will feel alone. You're not

[michaelmyers24]

yeah my parents are divorced but both of them are supportive, but it no matter what i do it feels like it doesn't help, i get drunk and start acting violent. Like stabbing a garbage bag with a butcher knife, i know it sounds stupid but stuff like that. And i also cut myself with a steaknife on the arm when i was drunk.

[Downtown]

i get drunk and start acting violent.... i also cut myself with a steaknife on the arm when i was drunk.

Michael, did you cut yourself deliberately or accidentally? How have your parents and friends reacted to your violent actions?

[d0nnivain]

yeah my parents are divorced but both of them are supportive, but it no matter what i do it feels like it doesn't help, i get drunk and start acting violent. Like stabbing a garbage bag with a butcher knife, i know it sounds stupid but stuff like that. And i also cut myself with a steaknife on the arm when i was drunk.

 

 

Do your parents know you are doing these things?

 

 

Being sad & upset is normal. I have violently ripped up pictures of EXs & punched a stuffed animal or two. But that was once or twice.

 

 

At this point the drinking is becoming the problem, not the solution. You have to stop drinking. Get rid of any beer in your house & do not get more.

 

 

Tell your family what is going on with you -- the drinking AND the cutting. Ask your parents to get you a therapist. There is no shame in getting help.

[michaelmyers24]

Michael, did you cut yourself deliberately or accidentally? How have your parents and friends reacted to your violent actions?

 

Yes i did it on purpose, i got a thrill out of it and it made me feel happy for few seconds

[Downtown]

Michael, people typically do arm cutting only under two circumstances: One is where they are in such severe emotional pain that, by externalizing that pain to the surface of the body, they actually feel much better because they've moved some of the pain to the outside. The other circumstance is where the person feels such an emptiness inside that he doesn't know his own identity and is so numb to emotions that experiencing an external pain (from the cut arm) actually feels like a welcome improvement because it allows him to feel human again -- if only for a few minutes. Do you identify with either of these situations?

 

If so, I would join Donnivain in recommending that you see a psychologist to obtain a professional opinion on what it is you're struggling with. Significantly, both of the circumstances I describe above are well-known to psychologists and are very treatable if you seek professional guidance.

[michaelmyers24]

Michael, people typically do arm cutting only under two circumstances: One is where they are in such severe emotional pain that, by externalizing that pain to the surface of the body, they actually feel much better because they've moved some of the pain to the outside. The other circumstance is where the person feels such an emptiness inside that he doesn't know his own identity and is so numb to emotions that experiencing an external pain (from the cut arm) actually feels like a welcome improvement because it allows him to feel human again -- if only for a few minutes. Do you identify with either of these situations?

 

If so, I would join Donnivain in recommending that you see a psychologist to obtain a professional opinion on what it is you're struggling with. Significantly, both of the circumstances I describe above are well-known to psychologists and are very treatable if you seek professional guidance.

 

Yes, i both of the reasons you stated are why i started cutting my arm, I feel empty, lost worthless. I feel like everyone else is better than me. I Get fired from my job for no reason, My GAD is taking over my life. I also feel lonely too. When i had a girlfriend i felt so much happier. And when i got a job at the same time i felt so amazing, i didn't even look at a beer. But it all came crashing down and now i feel absolutely hopeless. I don't get enough therapy because my therapist is always booked. I was also diagnosed with depersonalization which is hard to live with. And ive been having extremely violent and disturbing dreams of me shooting innocent people.

[d0nnivain]

Get a different therapist or when you do see your therapist, mention the cutting. That should make you more of a priority.

[Downtown]

I feel empty, lost worthless. I feel like everyone else is better than me.

Michael, those are just FEELINGS, not facts. Don't believe them. But, yes I know, this is much easier said than done. When feelings are extremely intense, they cloud our judgment and distort our perception of our peoples' intentions. It therefore becomes very difficult to intellectually challenge those intense feelings instead of accepting them as reality.

 

To be able to pull that off, it is essential you learn a set of emotional skills you seem to have not learned in early childhood: how to better regulate your emotions, how to self-sooth, how to develop a stronger self image, how to trust others by first learning how to trust yourself, how to intellectually challenge intense feelings, and how to avoid magical thinking and black-white thinking.

 

To acquire those skill sets, you can make a little bit of progress by reading books and online articles. Yet, because you cannot step outside yourself and view things objectively, you won't get very far on your own. What is needed is guidance from a therapist who has a lot of experience in teaching these skills to people who are struggling with depersonalization and dissociation. Such therapists usually are available in the larger cities of North America and Europe.

 

My GAD is taking over my life.... I was also diagnosed with depersonalization which is hard to live with.

The GAD likely is NOT your main problem if you suffer from depersonalization. Instead, the GAD probably is a side effect of the underlying issue causing your scary feelings of depersonalization and dissociation. When a person has such a problem, it typically arises before age five but the symptoms don't start showing themselves very strongly until the hormone surge occurs at puberty. The symptoms usually are at their very worst in the early teens and then diminish somewhat at age 18 or 19. They usually start diminishing again in the mid-forties. If you have IC to learn the missing skill sets, however, your symptoms will diminish far more quickly.

 

I also feel lonely too. When i had a girlfriend i felt so much happier.

As long as you continue to suffer from depersonalization and dissociation, you will have such a weak self image that you will find it very unpleasant to be alone. You therefore will seek out someone with a strong self image to give you the identity you need. Doing that, however, is a lose/lose situation. You lose when you're alone because you don't have a sense of direction and identity. Yet, when you are with your GF, you will lose with that situation too until you are able to strengthen your self image. The reason is that, after the infatuation evaporates in six months, you will start feeling like she is trying to control and suffocate you. You can avoid these problems, however, if you learn how to better manage your issues.

 

I don't get enough therapy because my therapist is always booked.

Do you live in a fairly large city where you have a choice of therapists? Why are you not seeing your therapist at least once a week? Is your therapist a psychologist who is skilled in actually treating folks suffering from depersonalization and dissociation? Did you experience a trauma, abandonment, or some other type of invalidation before age five?

[michaelmyers24]

Michael, those are just FEELINGS, not facts. Don't believe them. But, yes I know, this is much easier said than done. When feelings are extremely intense, they cloud our judgment and distort our perception of our peoples' intentions. It therefore becomes very difficult to intellectually challenge those intense feelings instead of accepting them as reality.

 

To be able to pull that off, it is essential you learn a set of emotional skills you seem to have not learned in early childhood: how to better regulate your emotions, how to self-sooth, how to develop a stronger self image, how to trust others by first learning how to trust yourself, how to intellectually challenge intense feelings, and how to avoid magical thinking and black-white thinking.

 

To acquire those skill sets, you can make a little bit of progress by reading books and online articles. Yet, because you cannot step outside yourself and view things objectively, you won't get very far on your own. What is needed is guidance from a therapist who has a lot of experience in teaching these skills to people who are struggling with depersonalization and dissociation. Such therapists usually are available in the larger cities of North America and Europe.

 

The GAD likely is NOT your main problem if you suffer from depersonalization. Instead, the GAD probably is a side effect of the underlying issue causing your scary feelings of depersonalization and dissociation. When a person has such a problem, it typically arises before age five but the symptoms don't start showing themselves very strongly until the hormone surge occurs at puberty. The symptoms usually are at their very worst in the early teens and then diminish somewhat at age 18 or 19. They usually start diminishing again in the mid-forties. If you have IC to learn the missing skill sets, however, your symptoms will diminish far more quickly.

 

As long as you continue to suffer from depersonalization and dissociation, you will have such a weak self image that you will find it very unpleasant to be alone. You therefore will seek out someone with a strong self image to give you the identity you need. Doing that, however, is a lose/lose situation. You lose when you're alone because you don't have a sense of direction and identity. Yet, when you are with your GF, you will lose with that situation too until you are able to strengthen your self image. The reason is that, after the infatuation evaporates in six months, you will start feeling like she is trying to control and suffocate you. You can avoid these problems, however, if you learn how to better manage your issues.

 

Do you live in a fairly large city where you have a choice of therapists? Why are you not seeing your therapist at least once a week? Is your therapist a psychologist who is skilled in actually treating folks suffering from depersonalization and dissociation? Did you experience a trauma, abandonment, or some other type of invalidation before age five?

 

My therapist sessions are only once a month and my therapist is just a regular therapist, All he tells me to do is take zoloft. And back when i was 15 years old i tried marijuana and i had a really really bad panic attack while i was high, After the high wore off it felt like it never went away, I always felt fake and i explained this to my therapist and he said it was drug induced anxiety. I never feel normal and i never felt the same after that. And yes i do live in a big city. All i can think about is my ex and the memories i had with her and how happy my life was. Most of the day i feel depressed and anxious and sometimes i will get a 5 second burst of happiness and then it goes away, it's so strange. I have no motivation to do anything at all besides drink and listen to music. My ex deleted me off facebook and skype even tho she was in the wrong in the breakup. So that messed with my head. I can't stop thinking about her even tho she treated me like crap towards the end. I can't even go up the road and cross the street without getting drunk because i get so tense and awkward in public. When i look in the mirror i don't even know who i am, And i always question my looks even tho girls call me cute and think im an attractive guy, i still feel like it will be hard to find another girlfriend.

[Downtown]

My therapist sessions are only once a month and my therapist is just a regular therapist.

Anyone who is cutting his own arm in order to reduce emotional pain should be seeing a therapist at least once a week -- and it would be good to supplement those sessions with once/week sessions in group therapy with other folks having similar issues with depersonalization or dissociation (i.e., a group session supervised by the therapist). It is very comforting and reassuring to be around some other folks who have to deal with the very same issues.

 

Most of the day i feel depressed and anxious and sometimes i will get a 5 second burst of happiness and then it goes away, it's so strange. I have no motivation to do anything at all besides drink and listen to music.

Yes, that is how depression feels. You won't have motivation to do anything. As to the brief bursts of happiness, have you ever had a problem with mania? I ask because, when depression alternates with mania, the cause usually is bipolar disorder. So far, however, you've said nothing to indicate you have bipolar. Instead, it sounds like you're having identity issues and difficulty regulating your emotions.

 

All he tells me to do is take zoloft.

Until you have time to get a second opinion, you should be trying the Zoloft he prescribed. It helps to reduce the effects of depression. Drinking beer is the exact OPPOSITE of what you need. Alcohol, as you already know so well, is a depressant that makes your symptoms worse.

 

When i was 15 years old i tried marijuana and i had a really really bad panic attack while i was high, After the high wore off it felt like it never went away, I always felt fake and i explained this to my therapist and he said it was drug induced anxiety.

Perhaps so. But who diagnosed you as having a depersonalization issue? If that diagnosis is accurate, the expected age of onset for such problems is 13 to 15. I mention this because the MJ may have only triggered something that was about to show itself anyway.

 

I never feel normal and i never felt the same after that. And yes i do live in a big city.

I suggest you take advantage of being in a big city by obtaining a second opinion from a psychologist (or psychiatrist) who is very experienced in treating depersonalization and dissociation issues. Instead of picking a name out of the phone book, you should do a little research. Like the professionals in any other profession, psychologists differ greatly from each other in skill sets. One way to learn who is very experienced with dissociation/depersonalization is to research it online. Another way is to get a recommendation from a trusted, highly-respected doctor.

 

Also, do not be shy about picking up the phone and calling the psych centers at a local university and a large hospital. At the university, call the psych department and tell the clerk answering the phone you would like to speak to the department head -- or any other psychologist who happens to be in his office at the time. Then tell that person you are calling for a reference to someone local who has much experience in diagnosing and treating dissociation and depersonalization. Please believe me when I tell you that older professionals usually LOVE to be asked for a reference by a young person only 18 years old seeking help.

 

Likewise, you can call the psych wing at the largest local hospital and ask to speak to the head nurse on duty. Then ask her to please recommend one of the psychologists she works with. Experienced nurses know a wealth of information about the psychologists and psychiatrists they work with.

 

All i can think about is my ex and the memories i had with her and how happy my life was.

It is typical for any man your age to be extremely upset about a recent breakup with a GF. What is NOT typical, however, if your problem with depersonalization -- a problem so painful that you've already cut your arm to obtain some relief.

 

When i look in the mirror i don't even know who i am.

Michael, what you're describing is a self-identity problem that can cause enormous emotional pain. But you can learn how to fix it -- most likely by acquiring the emotional skills I mentioned earlier. This is why I'm suggesting you obtain a second opinion from an experienced psychologist or psychiatrist.

[bubbaganoosh]

Here's what you do friend. The doctor gave you meds and rather than take them, you decide to guzzle down two tall cans of beer instead and wallow in self pity.

 

Time to start growing up pal. If you think that getting dumped by some girl is the hardest thing in life you'll ever face then your in for a big surprise.

 

Life is full of pot holes and if you think that getting $h!t faced is the answer then your liver will be shot by the time your 30. Time to put your big boy pants on and start facing your problems and resolving them because you can't drink them away. After you wake up from your drunkin' stupor guess what? The problem is still there friend.

 

If you want help, then go get it. You said you have people that want to help so let them but you have to stop attending your own pity party and deal with the situation and move on.

 

Honestly, I'm well past 18 years old. I'm 67 and have been dumped enough times that I could open my own land fill. Life goes on and you'll be able to deal with it a lot better without booze clouding your mind.

[Nolan 93]

hi, im an 18 year old male and i have recently suffered from a breakup. I have been with the girl for 3 months and it was my first love. Girls call me cute all the time and even my guy friends say im a good looking guy. I am scared im going to be alone. All i do is sit in my room all day i had a job but i got fired, i drink about 4 beer a night and just listen to music. I feel angry and sad and alone. I got screwed over by my job and my ex, I feel like i don't even have an identity anymore. I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and i was given zoloft but i haven't taken it yet. I try to be a good and careing guy but that hasn't gotten me far........ Also i've been having trouble eating and sleeping. And i have been drinking about 2 tall cans of strong beer a night which gets me drunk. I have tried therapy and i have supportive friends and family but nothing seems to be working. I feel like im losing myself and i feel lost.

 

Hey listen to me buddy!!! I know it's painful and I'm 21 and my first love just left me a month ago to go back with her ex. We have dated for 9months and every moment was beatiful and I will never forget her. You say you are handsome well guess what happens if you stay in all day and drink beer? You will get fat as a keg, and become unattractive. Your 18 and you have your whole life ahead of you just like me. I know it hurts the one who you gave your all to left and there's nothing you can do, except watch her walk away. Yes I still hurt everyday and think about her, but what will I do in the mean time, just sit and wait??? **** no I've been working out and staying active sure she's on my mind, but use it as fuel to do something with yor life. I weigh about 203 pounds and my goal is to get to 185 and get a six pack. Guess what I will do when I get that six pack I will hardly wear any clothes and guess what I will go see my ex at work one day and eat at the restraunt and guess what you see how I look Im one sexy MUTHER ****ER. That right there is my fuel to get over this break. I know for a fact she is not worth it for me to hurt myself physically, remember you did fine before you met her you will do fine after time has passed. Look deep down inside yourself and look what you can do to evolve into a better you. Once you evolve and see things differently you'll be amazed how you view things. Just be smart and stay active, would you want your ex to see you a drunk, fat, unattractive man who has cuts on his arms. Or the man who she fell for but only stronger mentally and physically??? I say the better version let her regret leaving you and guess what when she comes back it's up to you if you want her back or not. Me personally I would take her back but she would have to fully hesl from letting go of her ex and she has to work her way back up. After all we are only human my friend. Remember we are all here to help eachother on this site, so use it to your advantage. Best of luck, you can do it I know if I can you can to.

[seminoles84]

Bubba laying down the truth. Heed his advice.

[michaelmyers24]

Anyone who is cutting his own arm in order to reduce emotional pain should be seeing a therapist at least once a week -- and it would be good to supplement those sessions with once/week sessions in group therapy with other folks having similar issues with depersonalization or dissociation (i.e., a group session supervised by the therapist). It is very comforting and reassuring to be around some other folks who have to deal with the very same issues.

 

Yes, that is how depression feels. You won't have motivation to do anything. As to the brief bursts of happiness, have you ever had a problem with mania? I ask because, when depression alternates with mania, the cause usually is bipolar disorder. So far, however, you've said nothing to indicate you have bipolar. Instead, it sounds like you're having identity issues and difficulty regulating your emotions.

 

Until you have time to get a second opinion, you should be trying the Zoloft he prescribed. It helps to reduce the effects of depression. Drinking beer is the exact OPPOSITE of what you need. Alcohol, as you already know so well, is a depressant that makes your symptoms worse.

 

Perhaps so. But who diagnosed you as having a depersonalization issue? If that diagnosis is accurate, the expected age of onset for such problems is 13 to 15. I mention this because the MJ may have only triggered something that was about to show itself anyway.

 

I suggest you take advantage of being in a big city by obtaining a second opinion from a psychologist (or psychiatrist) who is very experienced in treating depersonalization and dissociation issues. Instead of picking a name out of the phone book, you should do a little research. Like the professionals in any other profession, psychologists differ greatly from each other in skill sets. One way to learn who is very experienced with dissociation/depersonalization is to research it online. Another way is to get a recommendation from a trusted, highly-respected doctor.

 

Also, do not be shy about picking up the phone and calling the psych centers at a local university and a large hospital. At the university, call the psych department and tell the clerk answering the phone you would like to speak to the department head -- or any other psychologist who happens to be in his office at the time. Then tell that person you are calling for a reference to someone local who has much experience in diagnosing and treating dissociation and depersonalization. Please believe me when I tell you that older professionals usually LOVE to be asked for a reference by a young person only 18 years old seeking help.

 

Likewise, you can call the psych wing at the largest local hospital and ask to speak to the head nurse on duty. Then ask her to please recommend one of the psychologists she works with. Experienced nurses know a wealth of information about the psychologists and psychiatrists they work with.

 

It is typical for any man your age to be extremely upset about a recent breakup with a GF. What is NOT typical, however, if your problem with depersonalization -- a problem so painful that you've already cut your arm to obtain some relief.

 

Michael, what you're describing is a self-identity problem that can cause enormous emotional pain. But you can learn how to fix it -- most likely by acquiring the emotional skills I mentioned earlier. This is why I'm suggesting you obtain a second opinion from an experienced psychologist or psychiatrist.

 

Yes, my father has bipolar disorder. I don't know if i would have that but something is not right. I will try and get a psychiatrist. When my job let me go for no reason i felt like a failure...... I am trying to grasp on to something that would give me something to be proud of and an identity, for a while i became obsessed with movie serial killers, As you can tell by my name on here. I became obsessed with the texas chainsaw massacre and all those movies. Then after my breakup with gf i became obsessed with joining the marines. I seen that i had a cousin in the marines and i felt like if i joined that, then i would be on top of everyone else and feel good about myself. It also feels like i have an addiction to music, i just can't stop listening to it.

Edited January 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator