lmato Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 We had very heated fight few nights ago. I felt treated like doormat for some time and stood up for myself. Despite me picking words and speaking calmly she said some very rude words and accused me for all our problems. While I begged her not to fight she was shouting that we are done for good. Next evening she texted saying she is sorry for being explosive but that it was all due to me not being willing to stop talking about our issues. I replied that I am sorry too for some of things I said. There was no reply and no communication since then. Is this some kind of silent treatment or something else?
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 We had very heated fight few nights ago. I felt treated like doormat for some time and stood up for myself. Despite me picking words and speaking calmly she said some very rude words and accused me for all our problems. While I begged her not to fight she was shouting that we are done for good. Next evening she texted saying she is sorry for being explosive but that it was all due to me not being willing to stop talking about our issues. I replied that I am sorry too for some of things I said. There was no reply and no communication since then. Is this some kind of silent treatment or something else? It could be or just a cooling off period, or she is sorry for the explosive outburst, but she still meant you are done for good.
lolablue17 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Although i think it's her move to contact you after silence, because she's the one who said that you are done, she might disagree with that interpetation. She might think that the phrase "we're done" is part of her being 'exposive' which she already sppologized for. If you want her don't play games. talk to her (not by text). Ask her if she really ment that you're done for good or does she want to meet and talk. If she's not 'done' you should explain to her that "we're done" are very hurtful words, and should be said only when someone means it and has decided that for sure. 1
Author lmato Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Although i think it's her move to contact you after silence, because she's the one who said that you are done, she might disagree with that interpetation. She might think that the phrase "we're done" is part of her being 'exposive' which she already sppologized for. If you want her don't play games. talk to her (not by text). Ask her if she really ment that you're done for good or does she want to meet and talk. If she's not 'done' you should explain to her that "we're done" are very hurtful words, and should be said only when someone means it and has decided that for sure. The thing that confuses me most is the fact that she apologised in very accusatory way as if she is saying 'my behaviour was not ok but you made me do it'. Then when I replied that we both made mistakes and that I am sorry too she went completely silent for the last three days. Why this?
erklat Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 To me that apology is void. She should apologize regardless of your actions if the apology is sincere. She can't cold shoulder you if you are not doing anything.
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 To me that apology is void. She should apologize regardless of your actions if the apology is sincere. She can't cold shoulder you if you are not doing anything. She can cold shoulder all she likes, if she believes they are indeed done. How long has the relationshp been going on for? Do you get along well, normally? What was the fight about? I know you spoke calmly, but was what you said very hurtful to her? Are these explosive fights "normal" in your relationship? Is it possible she has reached the end of her tether perhaps?
Author lmato Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 She can cold shoulder all she likes, if she believes they are indeed done. How long has the relationshp been going on for? Do you get along well, normally? What was the fight about? I know you spoke calmly, but was what you said very hurtful to her? Are these explosive fights "normal" in your relationship? Is it possible she has reached the end of her tether perhaps? We've been together for three years. The fight started when I tried to talk about some open issues, such as her unwillingnessto compromise and me feeling being taken for granted. For some time she is very explosive when I try to open this topic and after one or two sentences starts shouting to leave her alone, that I am pressuring her etc. This is very reason why I watched my tone and picked my words. These fights are common lately and they usually begin when I try to talk about some issues that are her responsibility. I am immediately attacked and it is as if she uses attack as defense mechanism.
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 We've been together for three years. The fight started when I tried to talk about some open issues, such as her unwillingnessto compromise and me feeling being taken for granted. For some time she is very explosive when I try to open this topic and after one or two sentences starts shouting to leave her alone, that I am pressuring her etc. This is very reason why I watched my tone and picked my words. These fights are common lately and they usually begin when I try to talk about some issues that are her responsibility. I am immediately attacked and it is as if she uses attack as defense mechanism. She feels attacked and thus goes on the defensive attacking you. Is this a power struggle issue between the two of you, or is she feeling vulnerable because of other issues and your criticism of her unwillingness to compromise, is just the last straw?
Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Don't limit yourself. You have friends and family I hope? Spend some time with them, who knows, you might meet somebody who isn't capable of being explosive.
Author lmato Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 She feels attacked and thus goes on the defensive attacking you. Is this a power struggle issue between the two of you, or is she feeling vulnerable because of other issues and your criticism of her unwillingness to compromise, is just the last straw? I never looked at it as power struggle. I only wanted normal relationship. She is kind of person who wants to have control in every aspect of life so I guess this could have been power struggle for her. We did fight a lot lately but behind all fights was my feeling of being taken for granted.
erklat Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 She can cold shoulder all she likes, if she believes they are indeed done. She can cold shoulder him as long as he is clinging to communication with her. If he stops, she has no leverage over him any mor .
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 She can cold shoulder him as long as he is clinging to communication with her. If he stops, she has no leverage over him any mor . If she is indeed done, she doesn't need leverage, it is finished in her mind.
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I never looked at it as power struggle. I only wanted normal relationship. She is kind of person who wants to have control in every aspect of life so I guess this could have been power struggle for her. We did fight a lot lately but behind all fights was my feeling of being taken for granted. The worm has turned. She doesn't like it. How to Recognize a Controlling Person (with Pictures) - wikiHow
coolheadal Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 That extra info you have provided OP, does tell me she's not what you want from a relationship. All your trying to do is talk about issues you see that you both are having mainly her treated of you. Abusive, controlling type of women is she. If you can't even talk to her about issues and then she gets over-the-top angry over it and pushes that angry behavior on too you also. See my point is this she will not listen to what you have to say about the relationship issues. She gets very defense about it. Like she's telling you to shut-up! You better quit while your not ahead! If you continue down this path just makes her even worst! But you keep on bringing up these issues and you want some clearly on them. Endless battle with her. She will never let you have peace. But now you see how she is with issues. She doesn't want you to come to her about these issues and if you do bang! Her temper rises and your the victim and not the BF again. Her answer is we're done is the only escape she has from you not pushing these issues into her face. Plus look what you have to do to get her to even talk to about them. You have to be careful not to push the wrong button. What the heck are you doing. Can't you see she has some mental issues in a relationship and herself. Now she wants out, but then she also tells you the next day or the same day she's sorry for yelling and name calling at you. This will not end here. It will repeat over and over. Saying your sorry doesn't mean what you did save in a abusive way will ever be accepted as to what you where trying to fix with her was the issues. Which she keeps attacking you and you wanted to fix it. If I was you and you were so unhappy with the issues and she won't solve them. Best to call this relationship quits then. Silent treatment is another way for her to control things but you're not taking it sitting down. So you continue to argue over the issues.
erklat Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 If she is indeed done, she doesn't need leverage, it is finished in her mind. It seems like you are mixing nc with cold shoulder.
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 It seems like you are mixing nc with cold shoulder. To give the cold shoulder is to ignore, shun, ostracise, disregard or to turn one's back towards a subject, the subject may be a source of contempt. That is what she is doing, the OP did wrong in her eyes and she is ignoring and turning her back on him. If she is done with the relationship, then she doesn't need leverage, she is turning her back on the relationship full stop.
erklat Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 To give the cold shoulder is to ignore, shun, ostracise, disregard or to turn one's back towards a subject, the subject may be a source of contempt. That is what she is doing, the OP did wrong in her eyes and she is ignoring and turning her back on him. If she is done with the relationship, then she doesn't need leverage, she is turning her back on the relationship full stop. Yes, as long as he like a puppy clinges to communicate with her. He implements NC, as I already said, and voila, she has no power over him any longer. She can cold shoulder him as only as long as he behaves desperate. After I sent the last message to my ex, and to say that now year down the road she is cold shouldering me, the idea is propostruous.
Author lmato Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 I felt weak tonight and peaked from my other phone number which she does not have this messaging app that both of us used to communicate. I know she does not have anyone else to communicate on it as we intentionally chose it to be able to talk without disturbance. She still has picture of the two of us there as profile and I could see that she was online twice today. Why this if she sent me away and told me that we are never coming back together?
erklat Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 You are overanalyzing now in denial. She forgot to change a picture there. Nothing more about it. Take all things at face value, actions over words or subjective Judgment. Don't inflict that kind of pain on yourself. Curiosity killed a cat ...
Author lmato Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 You are overanalyzing now in denial. She forgot to change a picture there. Nothing more about it. Take all things at face value, actions over words or subjective Judgment. Don't inflict that kind of pain on yourself. Curiosity killed a cat ... I see your point but there is more to that as she has no other business of logging on there but to see whether I am online. I know this because that is what she used to do in the past. Last time we got together after break up she confessed on her own that she used to come there every day just to see whether I've been online.
erklat Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 She has to make her intentions Cristal clear. Nothing of that kind of indirect communication is acceptable.
Author lmato Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 She has to make her intentions Cristal clear. Nothing of that kind of indirect communication is acceptable. I have no intention of approaching her or engaging in any communication with her. But I am still left wondering why would she behave like this after all yelling on me that we are history and we will never get back together.
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