trainermc Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) She is 21 and lives at home with her parents while going to college. This is also a long distance relationship 3 hour drive. I've been talking to this girl for 2 months and we decided to be exclusive 3 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago I told her I loved her but I knew she would not reciprocate it just yet. It was clear I was more into her than she was into me, but I know she liked me. She has a bad past and was abused by her ex boyfriend so she is very untrusting. We did have sex a few times though and I am only the second person she has slept with. She told me she never wants to love anyone again to which I replied I couldn't marry someone who didn't love me (hypothetically). I attempted to convince her that I am here to help her. She instead told me she never wants to deal with it because she doesn't ever want to love again. My attempts to console her only aggravated her We made plans to see each other last Saturday but she cancelled them the day after we had the argument and suggested we just meet Sunday. I asked her if anything changed between us and she said no. She came to visit on Sunday and told me that she has been thinking about our argument and says that I shouldn't waste my time with her. Says she never wants to change and that's just how she is. I told her that if she really didn't care about me then she should just say that and we can be done. So she said she guesses she doesn't care. I walked her to her car and kissed her on the head and she left. What sucks is she is a great girl but just has this thing with her past and some serious trust issues. Other than that she is everything I want in a woman and I know we click well. She liked me but probably felt overwhelmed. She told me I was amazing and called me "love" although it was just once when she was drunk texting me. I wanted to see her more often then she wanted to see me. I want us to get back together and I feel I will be able to form a solid relationship by just taking it much slower. I do not think she'll contact me, so how much time before I should reach out to her? I want to tell her I apologize for being to forward/pushy but I didn't know how to handle the situation since I have never been with a girl with her past and that we should start over with a clean slate and have no expectations. Thoughts? Edited January 1, 2015 by trainermc
flitzanu Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 there's not an amount of time you wait before contacting her. she told you she was done, and she wasn't into it. she's the one that needs to change her mind now, and if she does she'll be reaching out to you. 1
LostInLosingLove Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I think you're just trying to kid yourself into thinking you can do things her way. I suspect eventually if she never escalates with her emotions you'll be back in the same situation. Since you gave her a pseudo ultimatum and she called you on it, you should probably respect her decision and leave it be. If you two do get back together just remember not to pressure her into changing for your needs. She's already told you what she does/doesn't want and showed you that she's willing to walk. So let it naturally happen or not at all.
Itspointless Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Thoughts? Trust issues, abuse in the past, attempts to comfort with the opposite effect, a made up mind. If she says she is like that, you better believe her. 2
Ronni_W Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I want us to get back together That isn't up to you. Respect what SHE told you about herself, and accept that this is what SHE wants. and I feel I will be able to form a solid relationship by justYou cannot do that by yourself, just by force of your own will and want. She did what you told her to do, so that you two could be done. That is - or really ought be - your clear message that she wanted to be done with you. I get that it sucks, and I'm sorry that you're going through it. But you need not create any suffering for her later, or prolong your own now, by holding on to ideas that you're going to contact her in the future and try to coerce her into a situation that she already told you she does not want. That would suck for both of you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I know it's hurtful, but you need to listen to her. She doesn't want this. She has flat-out told you she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that she doesn't care about you in the same way you care about her. Instead of waiting to contact her, you should begin to detach. You tried, and it wasn't a match this time. 1
Itspointless Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You cannot do that by yourself, just by force of your own will and want. trainermc, you know I wouldn't be writing on this website if there were positive outcomes to situations like these. Not the same, but enough to know you have to accept it for what it is. With some things in life we have to learn to live. I just hope that you are not too attached to her yet.
Recommended Posts