datinggame Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I had a first date with a new guy I met online a few weekends ago. We had a good phone conversation that day, so when we met for a glass of wine the conversation flowed, and we laughed and had fun. From there we wanted to continue to night, and kissed in the rain on the way to a party. After a stop over at the party, we went to a bar. We didn't drink there, but just hung out and talked to some people. He was very affectionate, rubbing my back and holding hands. He offered to drive me home, and that's when we talked about smoking some weed together to end the night. We ended up staying up talking, cuddling and kissing on the couch until 5am during which he said 'I'm so attracted to you", and "I want to keep seeing you, I think we'd have fun". Since it was so late, we decided he should stay over but I had no plans on getting anymore physical so I asked that he stay on the couch, and he didn't protest. The next day we went to breakfast and he was still very affectionate and complimentary, and we were having a good time. When we had smoked the night before I talked about edibles, like weed brownies, and he asked if he could try some the next day. I explained how a little goes a long way, and it has a stronger affect than smoking. After 90 minutes he thought he wasn't feeling it and asked for more. I said he shouldn't but he insisted. A little while later he left my house, and we kissed goodbye at the door with smiles planted on our faces. Then about 20 minutes later he called and the effects had hit him and he couldn't drive. I drove to him and for the next 5 hours nursed him back to sobriety. During this time I kept insisting it was fine, and I wasn't upset, and he said he was really embarrassed but so thankful for me and my help. I felt really bad because he was not having fun at all and all I couldn't do that much to help him, but it didn't change that I like and am attracted to him. When he felt ok to drive he said he had an amazing but interesting time, and we kissed passionately. We talked the whole drive because he was still nervous. The next night he texted me thanking me for helping him and we exchanged a few texts, mostly about how he felt. Two days later he wrote a Merry Christmas text and I sent a "thank you, you too!" text. I didn't want to be over eager or scare him off because I do like him and I knew we had an intense date. Three days after that, once it was the weekend again, I called him in the day, but didn't leave a message. That was almost a week ago, and I haven't heard anything from him. He has a lot going on in his life, like moving apartments and career decisions, and I can tell is still quite active on the dating site. I'm not ready to say I want him only, but I definitely want a second date. Should I reach out again? Is he embarrassed? I'm so confused.
coolheadal Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Wait a bit longer before you decide your next course of action here. But if he's still busy online dating then you have to move on too. Don't wait on him because he's not doing the same for you.
Million.to.1 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 It's a busy time of year with xmas etc anyway... It's likely he is a bit embarrassed about the last time... Best not to try drugs one hasn't had before on a date! I would just txt or call him with a simple, "would you like to go on another date?" .. and see what he says.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I think he's embarrassed but if you do like him, wait until Monday then call & ask him out for another date, your treat. If you don't get a positive response, move on.
fred123 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 what did you say when he said " i am so attracted to you, i like you, we can have fun" did you shoot him down?
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Why are you even getting high on a first date? Isn't that like 4th date stuff? 1
Author datinggame Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 When he said that I was nodding and smiling really big and we kissed. I don't have the easiest time being open with someone new, so I wasn't gushing over him but I was definitely affectionate towards him too. I don't think I shot him down. And I did say "I like you, this doesn't change anything" when he finally felt good enough to drive.
Author datinggame Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 In hindsight, of course it could have waited. But it came up on the date and I'm a more frequent (and legal) user so it didn't seem like a huge deal in the moment.
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) I would say he is embarrassed....and if it were me considering he hadnt tried them before......i would feel wholly responsible and horrible, reach out and tell him you are sorry that you gave him the brownies and tell him not to be embarrassed...and you would like to cook him a dinner instead minus the drugs and the funny green hallucinations of you at the end of the date.....if you really like this guy dont feed a possible habit do however feed the man..and make it beautiful....a midnight picnic of luscious treats made by you........drugs dont help relationships form or stay ......they hinder relationships.....they cause issues that dont need to be there..i once thought i could convince a guy not to take drugs once i saw him in person it was my aim...he has a wonderful spirit.....adn drugs should not be in his life at all........i failed....always say no to drugs and giving them or passing them on to soemone to give them drugs..........i still feel guilty.....your post hit me again with guilt...its my fault i let him come around knowing thats was all he wanted....i am a fool to believe that i could change his heart...monumental fail on my behalf....he has hardly spoken to me since......makes me sad.....i should have just said no ....and no again..... ...at least be honest with him.......tell him you need to talk in person and would like to set up another date you regret giving him the brownies(you do regret dont you) , as donnivain said....your treat....it could be he is busy......you wont know unless you call him i guess.....deb Edited January 2, 2015 by todreaminblue
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 In hindsight, of course it could have waited. But it came up on the date and I'm a more frequent (and legal) user so it didn't seem like a huge deal in the moment. Have you thought about trying to have a relationship that isn't altered by drugs.. gezz.. you don't even know the guy and the only perception you have of each other you were too stoned to know. I'm with the others.. he is embarrassed as he knows he shouldn't have done what he did 1
Author datinggame Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Thanks Deb that is good advice! I definitely feel remorseful and responsible for letting it get to that point and I do need to apologize. Cooking would be a great approach. I'm sorry also to hear about your situation and that you're sad. I really appreciate your post and hope your wise words will help others too.
Leigh 87 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 He hasn't contacted you for a week. He is active online. That says it all. I am not a fan of entering into relationships with men who were on the fence about me to begin with and felt the need to still shop around. I prefer it when a man likes our first dates enough to lose interest in other women until he sees where it goes with me but hey, I am an anomaly..
Leigh 87 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I have been embarrassed before after the first date or two; the times I had sex I felt like a tart and really embarrassed. I still talked to the guy afterwards - even though I was embarrassed.. if I liked them enough - as I cannot remain closed off to men I do quiet like, in spite of how "embarrassed" I feel.
Author datinggame Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 I decided that no matter if we didn't see each other again, I want to apologize for what happened and called him last night. I left a message saying happy new year and I'd like to talk and apologize because I feel responsible. He sent me a text saying hello a few hours later, but I was asleep. We've exchanged a few texts this morning and hopefully will have a conversation later today!
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) ............................. Edited January 2, 2015 by AVarma
Author datinggame Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Well it does seem there was some embarrassment or hurt feelings on his part. We haven't talked on the phone or in person yet, but I've at least apologized and cleared the air in text. I offered to cook him dinner, and he accepted so I hope we're able to reconnect and move beyond the incident. Thanks for everyone's advice! 1
elaine567 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Well it does seem there was some embarrassment or hurt feelings on his part. We haven't talked on the phone or in person yet, but I've at least apologized and cleared the air in text. I offered to cook him dinner, and he accepted so I hope we're able to reconnect and move beyond the incident. Thanks for everyone's advice! That is very good news.
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