sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Hello Everyone, There is a guy I'm talking to. I've wanted to commit to him. But things he does is always coming up. I'm all for guys night and him hanging out for friends. But its been like every time we try to hang out. Either communication or something is lacking here. He's a nice guy, but I think we're just off centered or whatever from each other. Knowing him he's been hanging out with his friends all day (and he complained about dinner plans that we made a few days ago). It's funny he complains about always being the nice guy. But he's put me last over friends and family (family I get, but friends over potential future girlfriend). I have a tight schedule with classes and working out (working on training for body building competition) a lot (so I really only have a certain amount of time to do spend with him and he chooses his friends). Just annoying I know I'll have to end this. :/. Why is it so hard for people to find balance of friends and their significant other?
AVarma Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 How old is he? I ask because I noticed this among teenagers and some college age guys more than adult men. Also does he come from a conservative culture where dating may not be looked up upon? FYI I think SO should always come before friends. I like my friends and all but they can't make me........ you know..
Author sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 How old is he? I ask because I noticed this among teenagers and some college age guys more than adult men. Also does he come from a conservative culture where dating may not be looked up upon? FYI I think SO should always come before friends. I like my friends and all but they can't make me........ you know.. Mid to late 20's. He claims he's religious. But I agree with the SO should always come first. I mean I have chronic health problems so what happens if an emergency were to happen and he were hanging out with friends. Would he even leave his friends to be with me?
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 what it is, is you are the one thats needy. You needy to find your own hobbies and things to keep you occupied and not think of yourself as 1st or 2nd or 3rd in his life. That is just needy behavior, and attention seeking. So, You should find balance in your life, and not look for someone to complete you
carhill Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 How long have you been dating? IME, in the past when dating, I always gave dating partners wide latitude during the holiday season due to work/personal and family commitments relevant to the holiday season. I would be a bit suspect of anyone who talks about being a 'nice guy'. Nice is actions; no words are necessary, except by others praising the person for their kindness and generosity. Have you met and interacted with his friends or family?
StalwartMind Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 At that age, you are more likely to run into someone you really like but your interests, desires, dreams and goals are widely different. He wants to have fun and do things with his friends, I understand how this can make you feel, especially if it's happening consistently. I don't really think it's hard at all to find a balance between friends, family and partners, but the conflict of interests can make it seem or be that way. You could just as easily of met another guy, who would perhaps have "too" much time to dedicate to you. With someone sensible you will always be able to communicate well and there will be a mutual understanding, respect and compassion. Unfortunately it can be a bit of a journey to find someone where things are just smooth and easy, but it's entirely possible. I would indeed strongly consider to reevaluate my relationship with this guy if you are being prioritized so low and it makes you feel unappreciated in the grand-scheme of things. You like anyone else, including him deserve to enjoy life as you see fit, and being emotionally drained or disappointed typically only leads to more disappointments in the end.
Survivor12 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 You say that you have "been talking" which leads me to believe that you are not actually dating, much less in a relationship--and certainly not a "significant" one. How well do you know each other? How did you meet? Have you spent time with him? 1
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I have a tight schedule with classes and working out (working on training for body building competition) a lot (so I really only have a certain amount of time to do spend with him and he chooses his friends). what it is, is you are the one thats needy. You needy to find your own hobbies and things to keep you occupied and not think of yourself as 1st or 2nd or 3rd in his life. That is just needy behavior, and attention seeking. So, You should find balance in your life, and not look for someone to complete you - DUH!! Seems she has a very time consuming hobby already...
MissBee Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Hello Everyone, There is a guy I'm talking to. I've wanted to commit to him. But things he does is always coming up. I'm all for guys night and him hanging out for friends. But its been like every time we try to hang out. Either communication or something is lacking here. He's a nice guy, but I think we're just off centered or whatever from each other. Knowing him he's been hanging out with his friends all day (and he complained about dinner plans that we made a few days ago). It's funny he complains about always being the nice guy. But he's put me last over friends and family (family I get, but friends over potential future girlfriend). I have a tight schedule with classes and working out (working on training for body building competition) a lot (so I really only have a certain amount of time to do spend with him and he chooses his friends). Just annoying I know I'll have to end this. :/. Why is it so hard for people to find balance of friends and their significant other? It's not hard. People who are invested in you find that balance. This guy obviously isn't that invested hence all his complaints and his unwillingness to adjust. But in my own experience when a man has really liked me (and me him) he finds that balance just fine.
aggie382 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 You say that you have "been talking" which leads me to believe that you are not actually dating, much less in a relationship--and certainly not a "significant" one. How well do you know each other? How did you meet? Have you spent time with him? I was going to say this as well. 'Talking' to someone is basically expressing interest in them and having it returned, and working up to a date. It's not even dating, let along a relationship. This guy absolutely should be more interested in being with his friends at this point.
Author sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 - DUH!! Seems she has a very time consuming hobby already... Judgemental alert!!!!!! I'm not even really that into him. But thought things could go better with him with more time spent. But I knew first time hanging out with him it wouldn't work out. I guess I like to give people more benefit of the doubt before completely ending things.
Author sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 You say that you have "been talking" which leads me to believe that you are not actually dating, much less in a relationship--and certainly not a "significant" one. How well do you know each other? How did you meet? Have you spent time with him? We met online. Some days he will want to hang out. But then is he is always hanging out with his guy friends. Complains about not getting a girl and keeping her (his words not mine). I met him in October. There's never really been a strong connection with me to him I feel like.
Author sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 I was going to say this as well. 'Talking' to someone is basically expressing interest in them and having it returned, and working up to a date. It's not even dating, let along a relationship. This guy absolutely should be more interested in being with his friends at this point. We have gone out on multiple dates. However, when we try to plan things he always has things that "come up." Why should be interested in friends? He's been very interested in me. But he hasn't had the balls to ask me out.
Author sportygirl89 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 what it is, is you are the one thats needy. You needy to find your own hobbies and things to keep you occupied and not think of yourself as 1st or 2nd or 3rd in his life. That is just needy behavior, and attention seeking. So, You should find balance in your life, and not look for someone to complete you Trust me I'm not needy. I have been single majority of my life minus few relationships I've had. If anything I'm far from it. Thanks for being on the judgmental train.
Recommended Posts