SweetLikeCinnamon Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Hi guys, just looking for some tips/advice on a first date I'm having next week (I haven't had a proper first date in years). I'm 23, he's 21 and we've been talking for about a month, on OKC and then Facebook/texts. We have quite a lot of the same interests and are quite similar so we have been getting along well and have had a lot to talk about. He seems pretty interested and has said stuff like he 'cares about me' and actually put a note on the top of his dating profile saying he's not looking to meet anyone else cause he's talking to me. I'm a bit more unsure simply cause it's not too common for me to actually be attracted to someone, so I just can't know if I will be until I meet him. We were actually supposed to meet up before Christmas but I got ill and couldn't make it. So we've now arranged another date for next week. He lives in a different town to me and when we planned our original date he wanted me to get there at around midday so we could have a lot of time together (I'm visiting *him* because I've always been interested in the city he lives in cause our mutual favourite band is from there). He didn't give much of a plan for the date but gave me a choice of restaurants to have lunch in and said we could look at the Christmas market/do some shopping etc. When I rescheduled this time round I asked if he wanted to meet up at the same time and he said that'd be good, and I imagine he wants to do similar things to what was originally planned. So here are the two issues I'm having. 1. Because we've talked so much online and know so much about each other already I'm worried about what there will actually be left to talk about when we meet. I get that if we get on it won't end up mattering but I can be quite shy and nervous in these situations and it's not like I can ask general question about what he does/what his hobbies are etc to fill any early silences, as I know all that stuff already. But on the other hand we're not so close that it'll just be like meeting up with an old friend or something. Any tips for a situation like this or ideas for conversation topics? 2. I'm starting to have a problem with the fact that we're meeting so early and don't have a real plan as of what to do. I'd feel more comfortable if we planned to meet say in the evening just for drinks/dinner as I'd feel more relaxed, or maybe had a specific activity planned so we know we won't get bored or feel too awkward. Do you think I should offer some more concrete plans to him? And has anyone had a good date in the format he originally suggested? Thanks! Edited January 1, 2015 by SweetLikeCinnamon
coolheadal Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Before you two on a real world date, you really need to bring the text talk to real talk on the cell phone. One of you need call the other one up. Online typing or text on cell phone is really a different story. When you do full phone talk for a few hours, you can really get to know who you have been talking with online. What you really should do is use Skype Video Phone (call by screen name only don't call by cell phone because they will charge you. Free when you call to another member using member screen name.) This way you and him can talk and see each other. If that works out then make a date for real world. 1
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 He has wanted to speak on the phone but I've been quite anxious about it to be honest. I actually prefer the idea of just ripping the bandage off and just seeing what we think of each other in person and going from there
fred123 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 so does that mean you guys will never talk on the phone even if you get together? surely skpye and talking on the phone will be important to get to know each other if you can't see each other physically?
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 No, I'd be happy to talk to him on the phone once we've met and if we continue to see each other. It's just taking that next step over the phone which is nerve wracking to me
fred123 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 surely if you like the guy enough you would want to hear his voice. also you can get to know someone better with a one hour phone call then 2 months of 1000 messages! also if you Skype or call then you know if you are not wasting time and money on a date thats going nowhere
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 All the messaging & electronic communication means nothing. Your 1st date when you meet in person is the beginning. Period. If you had enough stuff to exchange all those messages, you won't run out of things to talk about. In case you are really worried about that, have 4-5 Qs that you know you will ask if there's a lull in the conversation. As for the date itself, where something that boosts your own self confidence. Have enough money to pay for the whole thing. Do not have too may expectations about him or you as a couple. You are strangers. For safety reasons let somebody know where you are going & when you will be home. Relax. Be yourself. Don't drink too much. Have fun!
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 surely if you like the guy enough you would want to hear his voice. also you can get to know someone better with a one hour phone call then 2 months of 1000 messages! also if you Skype or call then you know if you are not wasting time and money on a date thats going nowhere Why's this such a big deal? I just said I'm nervous about talking on the phone, not that I don't want to hear his voice, and since we already have a date set I rather just get to know him that way. All the messaging & electronic communication means nothing. Your 1st date when you meet in person is the beginning. Period. If you had enough stuff to exchange all those messages, you won't run out of things to talk about. In case you are really worried about that, have 4-5 Qs that you know you will ask if there's a lull in the conversation. As for the date itself, where something that boosts your own self confidence. Have enough money to pay for the whole thing. Do not have too may expectations about him or you as a couple. You are strangers. For safety reasons let somebody know where you are going & when you will be home. Relax. Be yourself. Don't drink too much. Have fun! Thanks for the advice
fred123 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 i am only thinking from the guys view and my experiemce. i had a girl send me many messages all the time but wouldnt make time for skype or phone call. for me its a sign of interest. she wqsnt interested and only wanted to be friends. how do us guys know whether a girl is interested or not or just friends? lol
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 i am only thinking from the guys view and my experiemce. i had a girl send me many messages all the time but wouldnt make time for skype or phone call. for me its a sign of interest. she wqsnt interested and only wanted to be friends. how do us guys know whether a girl is interested or not or just friends? lol Well I actually did suggest Skyping over the Christmas holidays but he said he didn't have it. I think we've both been apprehensive to be honest. But I think after we meet it will be clear if we like each other or not. I am interested and I've made it obvious to him, but I can't be sure I really like him until we meet
coolheadal Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 If he has a laptop made after 2010 which all including a netbook came with web cam. All he has to do is download Skype from Microsoft web site or 3rd parties. It's free to download. Just setup account and test the web cam to make sure it's working. You text him our Skype user name. Set a time and talk. The way things are today its better to not just appear in person. First you have to make sure who your really talking too also. If you don't can't get along one real phone call then how are you going to get along in person. I am just looking out for you. Just way to may things you have to do protect yourself. Phone him or he phones you and talk on that phone. See if you and him click on the phone. Click on text is one step. Skype would give you more of impression of who he was. If you don't want to talk on the phone or do skype then you better bring a friend with you to make sure everything on the up and up! Just looking out for you. It's your decision to make but I've been there and done what you wanted to do. But I've always brought the text to phone call. If you on the phone for over 1 hr then you can talk to this person. Then make the first date in crowded area. Then go on from there. Some might suggest you get his real first and last name and check him out online using one of those sites for checking people out. Good luck and keep us all posted on our progress if you do see this guy in person.
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 If he has a laptop made after 2010 which all including a netbook came with web cam. All he has to do is download Skype from Microsoft web site or 3rd parties. It's free to download. Just setup account and test the web cam to make sure it's working. You text him our Skype user name. Set a time and talk. The way things are today its better to not just appear in person. First you have to make sure who your really talking too also. If you don't can't get along one real phone call then how are you going to get along in person. I am just looking out for you. Just way to may things you have to do protect yourself. Phone him or he phones you and talk on that phone. See if you and him click on the phone. Click on text is one step. Skype would give you more of impression of who he was. If you don't want to talk on the phone or do skype then you better bring a friend with you to make sure everything on the up and up! Just looking out for you. It's your decision to make but I've been there and done what you wanted to do. But I've always brought the text to phone call. If you on the phone for over 1 hr then you can talk to this person. Then make the first date in crowded area. Then go on from there. Some might suggest you get his real first and last name and check him out online using one of those sites for checking people out. Good luck and keep us all posted on our progress if you do see this guy in person. Thank you for the advice
Recommended Posts