Eddy Street Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 She was probably the best looking person I had seen on match (sort of like a Rachel McAdams lookalike in a way) at the time, which is NOT saying a lot. I e-mailed her and she replied instantly, we proceeded to exchange e-mails, went on chat and talked on the phone THE SAME NIGHT! We went on a date around Thanksgiving (4 days later) and the first half was fine, until we went on a little walk where she started to talk about New York and I guess I must have sighed inappropriately and she immediately pounced, accusing me of judging the city and the people of New York without ever having been there. I honestly did not even notice myself sigh or say "ew" (which is what she heard... "ew"), anyway, I saw there was no use in trying to convince her I didn't say "ew" so I played along and apologized, saying it must be Hollywood's fault. Then the conversation was back to normal, for a short while at least. Then we went to a comedy club and we were sitting at the bar near the entrance when this homeless looking guy came in. I said "hey, look at that guy" and she was like "what... he looks fine to me". Then I said "don't you think he is homeless? he shouldn't be in here", she proceeded to give me a list of things she found attractive about him: "He's tall He's handsome He's got a good fashion sense He's black... YOU can't beat that, so shut up little boy." I was like "WTF?", jaw dropped and all, I smiled and luckily my phone rang no more than a minute later. I took the call and then got back to the "date", needless to say, the rest of the evening was extremely awkward. We saw a comedy show and then I told her I had to leave early. She stayed behind. I couldn't make out the last thing she said to me because of all the noise at the bar, which is probably good, because it couldn't have been flattering. So did she just go on a date with me to try out some material? Or was she hoping to make me feel bad or something? I still can't figure it out.
Danda Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Sounds like her gut impression of you was that you're stuck up (real or imagined, although your comments about the seemingly homeless person and how he "shouldn't be there" do give you away a little bit, no offense). And then it sounds like she took it upon herself to try to knock you down a few pegs. Bad date, move along.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Sounds like her gut impression of you was that you're stuck up (real or imagined, although your comments about the seemingly homeless person and how he "shouldn't be there" do give you away a little bit, no offense). And then it sounds like she took it upon herself to try to knock you down a few pegs. Bad date, move along. So you think I came across as a spoiled white Republican or something which prompted the race comment? Whatever the case may be, she took it the wrong way. I was merely making an observation and adding something (anything) to it to keep the conversation going, I'll admit I was a bit nervous due to inexperience talking to women. It honestly felt like she was just tying to bruise my ego for kicks. There were other things she said during the date that pointed to this, subtle sarcasm directed towards me as I tried to talk about my personal life and my life passions. Edited January 1, 2015 by Eddy Street
Satu Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I think your comments about the 'homeless guy' made you look like you lack empathy. As someone who befriends and sponsors homeless people, it didn't sound very appealing to me either... Empathy. It's a good thing. 1
Satu Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 So you think I came across as a spoiled white Republican or something which prompted the race comment? Just to satisfy my curiosity, what did you think/feel about the (possibly) homeless guy? Not a trick question - I'd just like to know.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Just to satisfy my curiosity, what did you think/feel about the (possibly) homeless guy? Not a trick question - I'd just like to know. Like I said in a previous post, it was a casual observation and nothing more, like "oh look there's a penny", but I guess my tenseness due to my lack of experience talking to women made it come out as if I was at least 4 decades older and settled in a way of thinking??? Maybe... but I was very obviously nervous and stuttered a few times... I added "he shouldn't be here" because I was desperately trying to avoid those awkward silences. I'm sure she noticed this, she's a psych major, which is why I think she was just having fun at my expense. 1
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Yeah, the comment about the homeless guy rubbed her the wrong way. Which is definately a no no. Its kinda the same, like when people are rude to service-workers - It shows a kind of pompous attitude. Also, never apologize for something you never did. Its also pretty strong of you to leave early, but not very gentlemanly. It would have to be terrible to do that. 2
Author Eddy Street Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Yeah, the comment about the homeless guy rubbed her the wrong way. Which is definately a no no. Its kinda the same, like when people are rude to service-workers - It shows a kind of pompous attitude. Also, never apologize for something you never did. Its also pretty strong of you to leave early, but not very gentlemanly. It would have to be terrible to do that. You're right, those two things must have been deal breakers for her. She was probably trying to test me with the New York thing, no? And I think it WAS terrible. She brought racial stereotypes into the discussion, that's just pathetic. Edited January 1, 2015 by Eddy Street
Satu Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Its sounds like you were babbling a bit because you were nervous, but I also think she was messing with your head in a not-very-nice way, to feel superior. That was a date to forget about. Lol. Onwards and upwards. 1
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 You're right, those two things must have been deal breakers for her. She was probably trying to test me with the New York thing, no? And I think it WAS terrible. She brought racial stereotypes into the discussion, that's just pathetic. Yeah, she might have tested you with the New york thing. - Which you failed. Also, I see no problem in talking about racial stereotypes. Its a good way to show her what kinda person you are, and its not just a "safe" talk that you have. These kind of talks bring great rapport. - Seems like you couldnt handle it though 1
Author Eddy Street Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Also, I see no problem in talking about racial stereotypes. Its a good way to show her what kinda person you are, and its not just a "safe" talk that you have. These kind of talks bring great rapport. - Seems like you couldnt handle it though How exactly do you handle something like that? If she thinks I should get upset by the idea of her saying he is superior to me because of his race, that's a comment on her own personality. I was going to say "hey, you chose to go out with this white guy, just sayin..." but then luckily I was distracted by my phone. But that would have probably made it worse. What could I have said in return to her comments? Edited January 1, 2015 by Eddy Street
Author Eddy Street Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Its sounds like you were babbling a bit because you were nervous, but I also think she was messing with your head in a not-very-nice way, to feel superior. That was a date to forget about. Lol. Onwards and upwards. I don't know, she's still on the site and active. I kind of have this nagging desire to report her to match for "trolling" or something along those lines. It'd be nice to see her profile taken down.
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 How exactly do you handle something like that? If she thinks I should get upset by the idea of her saying he is superior to me because of his race, that's a comment on her own personality. I was going to say "hey, you chose to go out with this white guy, just sayin..." but then luckily I was distracted by my phone. But that would have probably made it worse. What could I have said in return to her comments? Thats exactly what you should have said!! Seems like you were intimidated. I think that was another test. The thing about tests, is that, you just have to not freak out about it, and not apologize. Cool as cucumber and it always works. They might even like you more for it. Anyway, we all live and learn 1
preraph Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 She sounds like an idiot, and yes, it probably is Hollywood's fault. More than anything, she just sounds like she's arrogant and has a chip on her shoulder, defensive. Not someone I'd find it pleasant to be around. I have very good friends who aren't on the same page with me about homeless, etc. But we manage to discuss it civilly. Her communication is a red flag. 1
Author Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 I just remembered another thing she said to me which sort of seemed like she was trying to provoke me. We were discussing philosophy. We were disagreeing a little bit about some things, like the ability of a person to affect the real world with their minds, and she gave me a huge speech that seemed incredibly convoluted and full of contradictions... I can't even remember what she said exactly, but I paused for a minute to think about what she was saying, to not look like an idiot I tried to make sense of what seemed like total nonsense. She responded to my pause with: "oh my, I think what's coming is going to be scary!" And she made a very irritating face, like she was pretending to be scared or something. Actually this preceded the homeless thing.
hoping2heal Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I think your comments about the 'homeless guy' made you look like you lack empathy. As someone who befriends and sponsors homeless people, it didn't sound very appealing to me either... Empathy. It's a good thing. ^^ This exactly You said you didn't bemoan the people of NY but she thinks you did - and because you apologized - that re-enforced that you did. Then you made the comment about the homeless guy. I don't think making you feel bad was her intention at all, I think she just thought you came across like a snob.
Recommended Posts