Blonde In The City Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 So, I'll try to make a long story somewhat short ... I met this guy on social media this past spring. We have mutual friends in common, so I think he saw my name come up one day in mention and started following me on basically everything. At some point, we started exchanging friendly banter about whatever. He was really cute and funny, so I'm like, "OK, I'll totally talk to you." One day, he told me he thought I was pretty and wondered why we had never met when he had been home to visit (he's currently living a few states away). I played it off with a joke of some sort and continued on. Just a few messages here or there from time to time between us, but nothing major. We would go for a few weeks without talking and it wasn't a big deal. As time went on, we began to talk again and discovered we liked a lot of the same things. He indicated he liked me and I was really digging what he was about. I tried that whole thing of being proactive to let him know my interest (aka pursued) and got all bent out of shape when he wasn't so responsive. I apologized for being annoying and he said it was no big deal and he liked it (probably meaning the attention), but I knew I was also coming off like a crazy, needy girl. I learned to calm down, pull back and just do my own thing. Eventually, he circled back and we picked up right where we left off to the point that he was initiating contact almost every single day. Sometimes there was a gap of a day or two where we wouldn't communicate at all, but sure enough, he'd check in. And if it wasn't that, he was constantly liking most of my posts, photos, etc. There was a social gathering with some mutual friends present that he wanted me to come to the first night he was home two weeks ago. I was, of course, nervous and he indicated the same. Still, I felt that this was starting to move in a good direction and looked forward to it. Upon walking in, I walked up to his table and sat down next to another friend. Immediately, he started flirting with me hardcore in the total "I really like you" sense. I'm slightly shy, but was digging it and trying to be as responsive as possible. At some point, we were shooting texts to one another about something that was happening that we didn't want to speak of aloud. So, I'm thinking this is going really well so far. He's flirting, we're sitting next to each other, etc. My nerves were still pretty unsteady, so I started drinking - A LOT. And I would have been fine, but I had no water and hadn't eaten since lunch, so it really hit me hard. I started texting him that I really liked him along with some other drunken babble, but I think he took it in stride. At one point, we were standing next to each other and I told him I was really nervous about all this, but I really had nothing to be afraid of after all and I really liked him, blah blah blah. He said he liked me as well. And then I think I started getting all touchy feely, which for me is usually a DANGER WILL ROBINSON. NO. But again, it was the booze. My friends drove me home and he texted me to say that he hoped I got home OK. The next morning, he asked how I was feeling. I responded with terrible and an apology for whatever I said/texted while drunk. He said I was fine and I should have eaten. That was the last communication we had and the first day or two, I was just like no biggie, but then it dragged on to day 3 and 4 and through the rest of the time he was home for the holiday. Not a single peep. But I could see him actively making plans with other guys, posting things, etc. I certainly didn't want to blow up his phone after we had been through this once before and it didn't go well, yet I'm left in utter confusion now. I wondered if maybe I was too drunk or shouldn't have said I liked him, was I not pretty enough, etc. At this point, I think it's more him ... and he has not deleted/unfriended me from anything, but I can't figure out if he decided that night that he's not interested or he's playing a game of some sort to determine my true interest. Some of my friends (who have heard the fuller explanation of everything) think his "disappearing act" might be a game. For example, he was supposed to bring something home to give to me and I feel like he would have still done it in a "just friends" gesture with some made-up excuse otherwise. Could he suddenly not be so interested right now or is the silence a test?
Danda Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Well first of all hopefully lesson learned, no more drinking like that for you, hehe. It's very awkward when someone gets drunk and gets emotional towards you, because you can't tell if it's genuine or if it's just the vodka talking. Then you will often get the apology for all of it afterwards (which is what you did) which gives the impression that the person will say stuff to you that they don't really mean, and that just feels very uncertain and treacherous all around. If nothing comes of you and this guy, I think at the very least you can take away a very helpful lesson learned from this and do much better in the future. The whole drunk incident aside, though, I get the impression from your post that he likes to chase but pulls back big time when he is pursued back. There are multiple possible reasons as to why that might be the case, and we can't mind read him. But just as examples, maybe he really does just like to play cat/mouse games, or maybe if a woman pursues him back it suddenly feels too serious and intense and he gets anxiety, or maybe he has power trip / control issues, or maybe he just doesn't want to be responsible for your emotions in case he accidentally hurts them and prefers to just be a source of flirtatious fun to you and nothing more. Lots of more "maybes" but again, we're not psychic and it's best not to obsess about it. If I were in your shoes I would quietly and gracefully just move on. Sounds like there hasn't much if any emotional intimacy and so not a lot of investment, you're having a hard time reading him and then you got ****faced when the two of you finally hung out. Sometimes we humans are silly and flop, but at least we get good stories out of it lol.
angel.eyes Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Getting wasted because he made you nervous was a really bad idea. Personally, I don't think he's testing you. I suspect drunken you was just a turn off. Don't go the route of apologizing and begging for another chance. That will only solidify that he's made the right choice. Learn from your mistake and move on.
Poppygoodwill Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 He's clearly not that into you; sorry to say. For whatever reason. Who knows why. I personally don't think it was teh drinking, because you have this long history of chitchatting online and so it wasn't his first and only impression of you. But nonetheless: if he wanted to see you again while he's home, he would have. It's a hard fact to swallow, but it's true. I would put him firmly in the friendzone ASAP and keep him there - eliminate any hopes or expectations that might have developed becuase by his actions he's showed you that he's more into a virtual relationship (and no doubt the attention) than a real one.
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