GIGS or Rebound

[Holmes85]

do you have to label what happened for it to be real? the point you should be seeing is that she broke up with you and started dating someone else. regardless of being "gigs" or "rebound" she still left and chose to be with someone else.

 

um, any guy. your opinion sounds very selfishly skewed on this. just because a guy was willing to take YOUR ex after a relationship doesn't mean he is naive or a player, it means that he's available. besides, why would the guy even know about her past? this decision lies SOLELY on the shoulders of the girl, that's her baggage, and nothing to do with an outside party that she shows interest in. this "guy" may not even know, or have known, that this "girl" was even in a relationship at all, ever, for years.

Flitzanu,

 

Do you know what the definition of insanity is? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In reply to your original post I told you if you have problem with me labeling things or labeling in general, by all means create a new thread and to your hearts content keep expanding on it why certain people label things than what they really are.

 

As for labeling, why do do people label certain things why label "break-up" when you can just say "we aren't together anymore", why say "biology" when we can just say "we are just talking about human body parts", why label "medicine" when you can just label it as "drug used for pleasure"....I think you get the point.

 

Basically if I have to sum up your reply in regards to the original question, your reply can be summed up like this "why label it as GIGS or a Rebound". Which infact has nothing to do with the original thread, neither does it answer anything, it's a whole new different question.

 

My question was, based on what I've written, does it fit under the category of GIGS or the Rebound (could be neither).

 

-------------------

Sprater ,

 

I disagree. Every relationship doesn't come from "friends first". Example? My current relationship. We were acquaintances at work. I got her number, told her "not to be a stranger". A month later she told me she loved me. Had probably said less than 50 words for her prior to then in the 2 years I've been at my current job.

Based on this post, if I have to make an assumption, it would be that you get in relationships first and ask the questions later, if this is what floats your boat, more power to you.

 

And it very well may be the situation. He may be a "rebound". Honestly, everyone who gives you advice on this forum bases it off their previous experiences.. because that's how we learn. But no one can tell you the truth, except for her. Which, I'm sure would be like beating a dead horse.

That is true that everyone who gives advices have them based on their experiences, but there are also some universal examples, allow me to demonstrate:

 

How many times have you heard a girl / boy saying these things:

 

1. I love you but I'm not in love with you.

 

2. I'm not sure if this is what I really want.

 

3. My feelings have changed.

 

4. It's not you, its me.

 

5. I'm not ready for a relationship.

 

6. I need to find myself (whatever that means).

 

The above statements all have the same outcome. That he/she is interested in someone else. You don't have to experience it on your own to give advice on it, when you can learn from others. It's like smoking cigarettes to see what side-effects does it have, when you can avoid smoking, save yourself the hassle and learn from others or following their advice.

 

Just accept it for what it is. The sooner you stop posting about it, the better you'll feel. You might be currently successful with "NC", but the fact that you posted about a relationship in which you've been involved in NC for 5 months.. of you trying to label it, or put a reason behind it.. goes to show you're thinking about it too much and putting your feelings on the table, even if it's to yourself.

Do you know why people come on the forums? To let out there "feelings" , ask others for "opinions", "share" their thoughts and views, basically in order to understand the situation better. What your basically saying is, your horse is dead, just accept it, stop posting about it, have it all bottled up inside, move on.

 

Speaking of horses, say you have a healthy horse, it's all young, in its prime, you are happy with it, all of a sudden your horse starting acting different and it dies. Based on your response above do you know what you are advicing to the person whose horse just died "stop beating on the dead horse man, its dead, bury it, move on, it happens".

 

If you are a normal human being with feelings, you are at least going to have a check on how come all of a sudden things came to an end, was it something you did or was it a natural cause, you can't know it unless you make sure that you did your best. Unless your like "its dead, bury it, move on", that shows that you feel no sympathy for anything.

[ASG]

ASG,

 

Every relationship starts with friendship first.

 

If you have broken up from one relationship and venture into the next within 3 weeks, what does it tell me as a person about you? That you are incapable of being alone and need constant emotional validation from someone else to define your worth?

 

Besides what kind of a guy is willing to take a girl who just recently come out of a long term relationship? Let me tell you, either a naive one or the one that's a player.

 

It's called GIGS, you don't appreciate what you have, you start looking for attention elsewhere, you justify yourself that we are just friends and venture into the next relationship.

 

 

 

Really? The boundary is crossed when you decide to become intiminate with each other. Unless you sleep with all your "Friends".

 

No. Most relationships start with mutual attraction and then finding out that you actually have things in common.

 

If someone breaks up with someone else and quickly jumps into another relationship, it can tell me one of two things: 1- the person had mourned the relationship prior to the break up, thus needing no time to heal, or 2- the person feels lonely and craves the company.

 

 

That is not GIGS though. Because GIGS is meant to signify that the grass only SEEMS greener, but isn't actually. But the truth is, sometimes, the grass in actually greener on the other side, because we've let our own grass wither and die. Which is what happened to your ex.

She became unhappy in the relationship and moved on. That's not GIGS. That's just life.

 

And I have been casually seeing a guy who, when we first got it on, had broken up with his ex about a week before. I too had called it quits on the guy I was seeing a few days before. It's been over a month now and we're having lots of fun! Not sure if there's any long term potential, we ARE rebounding, but some rebounds turn into proper things as well. Who knows??

 

And yes, being intimate makes the distinction. But it doesn't mean there's ay love there. Just because you call yourselved boyfriend and girlfriend, it doesn't mean you love each other. And she didn't love you. She saw you as a friend. And she wanted more than that. She wanted someone she's in love with...

[Holmes85]

Most relationships start with mutual attraction and then finding out that you actually have things in common.

 

True, that how it usually starts (even in my case).

 

If someone breaks up with someone else and quickly jumps into another relationship, it can tell me one of two things: 1- the person had mourned the relationship prior to the break up, thus needing no time to heal, or 2- the person feels lonely and craves the company.

 

Again true, based on her responses, she basically wanted me to be there by saying "who knows my feelings might come back in the future, why don't you remain friends with me" which basically means : If it doesn't work out with the next guy, all of a sudden I'm all yours. -2 months later- when the relationship is on full swing comes the "just be friends" card.

 

That is not GIGS though. Because GIGS is meant to signify that the grass only SEEMS greener, but isn't actually. But the truth is, sometimes, the grass in actually greener on the other side, because we've let our own grass wither and die. Which is what happened to your ex.

She became unhappy in the relationship and moved on. That's not GIGS. That's just life.

 

We were in a relatonship for 2 years, the spark was there for a long time, but things eventually start to settle after a while. I'm not quite sure, but I think she confused the stability & comfortness with the "it feels like I'm just a friend" or as you put it "not in love with you" anymore.

 

Either way, I really got some confused replies, even when I declined the offer to stay friends and wished her well and goodbye, her response to that was "It makes me feel sad for all that has happened. I just want you to know that you have a very big heart and I hope that it doesn't change. Don't change yourself for anyone, you are perfect the way you are" while still pulling the trigger. It feels like she's going an extra mile to say things, yet doing the exact opposite of what she's saying, which is pulling the trigger.

[flitzanu]

you're fighting a moot point.

 

let's try it this way.

 

"hey, your ex girlfriend who is with some other guy is just rebounding"

 

what does that change for you, and how are you going to handle the situation knowing that she is only with this guy because it is a rebound?

 

or, "hey i think your ex gf is going through GIGS"

 

how do you handle the situation knowing it is GIGS?

[Jimmyjackson]

It's neither GIGS or a rebound, this whole GIGS thing is a common excuse people use when they get dumped. The reality is for whatever reason your ex got bored of you and decided to peruse somebody else, I know, I've recently been there.

[Holmes85]

you're fighting a moot point.

 

let's try it this way.

 

"hey, your ex girlfriend who is with some other guy is just rebounding"

 

what does that change for you, and how are you going to handle the situation knowing that she is only with this guy because it is a rebound?

 

or, "hey i think your ex gf is going through GIGS"

 

how do you handle the situation knowing it is GIGS?

 

Flitzanu,

 

That is exactly where your problem lies. You think everything that I'm writing is fighting, you also believe every dumpee that just uses the terms GIGS / Rebound is just trying to justify their breakup.

 

Talking to you makes me feel like that I'm talking to a kid stuck in a mans body.

 

Really for the last time, open a new thread where you can rant on labeling by saying 'why dumpee is trying to label things instead of seeing what it really is'

 

You asked what does it change for me if she's going through GIGS or a Rebound? Allow me to explain (try not to see as fighting to prove a moot point).

 

If my Ex is suffering from GIGS, do you know what does that tell me about my Ex? It tells me that my ex believes that there is something better out there, she can do better, often time when the reality doesn't meet the fantasy, that's where the reality hits them.

 

If my Ex is in a rebound relationship, it tells me that my Ex is immature and lacks the mental capacity of being alone and defines her worth by being in a relationship, using relationships to define herself.

 

You view things differently based on what it is, when you go to a doctor, you tell them what your problem is. If you are shot in the arm, you tell your doctor were shot in the arm. Your doctor doesn't say 'does it really matter where you got shot, you got shot man' (which is basically what you are saying), if you are shot in the arm, you don't need to get your stomach examined now, do you?

 

A person should reflect back on the relationship in order to see what went wrong and what can be done to improve on the next. If your perception is 'does it really matter?' Which is basically saying 'meh onto the next one', which is also the reason I said in my previous post 'the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again & again, but expecting different results'.

[HurtGator]

Flitzanu,

 

That is exactly where your problem lies. You think everything that I'm writing is fighting, you also believe every dumpee that just uses the terms GIGS / Rebound is just trying to justify their breakup.

 

Talking to you makes me feel like that I'm talking to a kid stuck in a mans body.

 

Really for the last time, open a new thread where you can rant on labeling by saying 'why dumpee is trying to label things instead of seeing what it really is'

 

You asked what does it change for me if she's going through GIGS or a Rebound? Allow me to explain (try not to see as fighting to prove a moot point).

 

If my Ex is suffering from GIGS, do you know what does that tell me about my Ex? It tells me that my ex believes that there is something better out there, she can do better, often time when the reality doesn't meet the fantasy, that's where the reality hits them.

 

If my Ex is in a rebound relationship, it tells me that my Ex is immature and lacks the mental capacity of being alone and defines her worth by being in a relationship, using relationships to define herself.

 

You view things differently based on what it is, when you go to a doctor, you tell them what your problem is. If you are shot in the arm, you tell your doctor were shot in the arm. Your doctor doesn't say 'does it really matter where you got shot, you got shot man' (which is basically what you are saying), if you are shot in the arm, you don't need to get your stomach examined now, do you?

 

A person should reflect back on the relationship in order to see what went wrong and what can be done to improve on the next. If your perception is 'does it really matter?' Which is basically saying 'meh onto the next one', which is also the reason I said in my previous post 'the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again & again, but expecting different results'.

 

You are so spot on with this!!! That is exactly what I have been trying to do for two months now to figure out why my exgf broke up with me and was dating some someone two days after. The kicker? I suspected something was going on between them before she broke up with me. At that time, she told me they were just good friends. Yeah right!

 

I told like how people just want to gloss over the breakup and just "move on, there is nothing to see here!" You have to learn something from what happened otherwise you will just keep repeating the same stupid mistakes.

 

Now that I have pieced the puzzle together i feel much better now knowing what happened and I come to realize I want nothing to do with someone who bull****ted me for two straight years.

[flitzanu]

Flitzanu,

 

That is exactly where your problem lies. You think everything that I'm writing is fighting, you also believe every dumpee that just uses the terms GIGS / Rebound is just trying to justify their breakup.

 

Talking to you makes me feel like that I'm talking to a kid stuck in a mans body.

 

Really for the last time, open a new thread where you can rant on labeling by saying 'why dumpee is trying to label things instead of seeing what it really is'

 

You asked what does it change for me if she's going through GIGS or a Rebound? Allow me to explain (try not to see as fighting to prove a moot point).

 

If my Ex is suffering from GIGS, do you know what does that tell me about my Ex? It tells me that my ex believes that there is something better out there, she can do better, often time when the reality doesn't meet the fantasy, that's where the reality hits them.

 

If my Ex is in a rebound relationship, it tells me that my Ex is immature and lacks the mental capacity of being alone and defines her worth by being in a relationship, using relationships to define herself.

 

You view things differently based on what it is, when you go to a doctor, you tell them what your problem is. If you are shot in the arm, you tell your doctor were shot in the arm. Your doctor doesn't say 'does it really matter where you got shot, you got shot man' (which is basically what you are saying), if you are shot in the arm, you don't need to get your stomach examined now, do you?

 

A person should reflect back on the relationship in order to see what went wrong and what can be done to improve on the next. If your perception is 'does it really matter?' Which is basically saying 'meh onto the next one', which is also the reason I said in my previous post 'the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again & again, but expecting different results'.

 

 

well, it sounds like you've got it all sorted out then

[Halcyon]

Sorry Holmes, I'm going to have to agree with flitzanu in this case. Yes it is important to learn what you can from your previous relationship. They key word being what you can learn hinting at introspection. You can't change your exes behaviour only your own.

 

What I'm getting at you are psychoanalysing your exes current behaviour after your relationship has ended GIG or rebound it doesn't matter. Only thing I can really think of is basically having some sort of sense of superiority over a lost lover "oh she's in a rebound shes so insecure, immature etc" or "oh it's gigs, she is being unrealistic she will eventually miss what she had". Basically I see them as tools to take an ex down a peg if that helps you move on then sure, it's very common for people to do that after a breakup.

 

What matters is your relationship is over and that you need to heal and stop obsessing over the current behaviour of your ex, she's not your problem any more. You need to focus on yourself.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I think what most people are overlooking is the simple fact that you can't define a GIGS or rebound situation until further down the road.

 

You can guess all you want, but unfortunately, it's all theory until the "next relationship" reveals it's conclusion or on-going affair.

 

For instance, you may claim it's a rebound relationship, but to them, it may be "true love". If they get married and have a life together, does that breakup now move from the rebound relationship into a great relationship status? You only know if it's a rebound relationship if nothing comes of the relationship...and labeling that relationship a "rebound relationship" is strictly regulated to your own perspective.

 

Same goes with GIGS. GIGS is used to explain someone becoming bored or complacent in their current situation, then searching for "greener pastures" or "something better". However, you won't know its GIGS until they try to come back after leaving what they had realizing they already had it great. If they don't come back, or if they find something better, was it truly GIGS or were they truly just moving on?

 

Food for thought.

 

If it helps for you to move on by demonizing your ex, then do so. However, if the relationship just ended.... and you did everything you could to be the best you could be, then there's nothing to be upset about except the loss of a connection that wasn't mutual.

 

Sorry it didn't work out, but I don't think this is GIGS or rebound or anything yet. In your mind, you are predicting she will come back. Contingent upon her return lies your answer. Waiting for that answer will delay you moving on, and in the process, ruin any "lessons" you are trying to learn.

 

I understand you have love for this woman. Love doesn't ask for anything in return, and certainly isn't only mutual.

 

Just find someone else to love who loves you back just as much.

 

As I used to like to say when I was younger:

 

"Loving someone is easy. Finding someone who loves you back is the hard part."

 

Yes, I realize this is a generic quote that gets tossed around a lot. Doesn't take away from it.

[Ducktape]

I think what most people are overlooking is the simple fact that you can't define a GIGS or rebound situation until further down the road.

 

You can guess all you want, but unfortunately, it's all theory until the "next relationship" reveals it's conclusion or on-going affair.

 

For instance, you may claim it's a rebound relationship, but to them, it may be "true love". If they get married and have a life together, does that breakup now move from the rebound relationship into a great relationship status? You only know if it's a rebound relationship if nothing comes of the relationship...and labeling that relationship a "rebound relationship" is strictly regulated to your own perspective.

 

Same goes with GIGS. GIGS is used to explain someone becoming bored or complacent in their current situation, then searching for "greener pastures" or "something better". However, you won't know its GIGS until they try to come back after leaving what they had realizing they already had it great. If they don't come back, or if they find something better, was it truly GIGS or were they truly just moving on?

 

Food for thought.

 

If it helps for you to move on by demonizing your ex, then do so. However, if the relationship just ended.... and you did everything you could to be the best you could be, then there's nothing to be upset about except the loss of a connection that wasn't mutual.

 

Sorry it didn't work out, but I don't think this is GIGS or rebound or anything yet. In your mind, you are predicting she will come back. Contingent upon her return lies your answer. Waiting for that answer will delay you moving on, and in the process, ruin any "lessons" you are trying to learn.

 

I understand you have love for this woman. Love doesn't ask for anything in return, and certainly isn't only mutual.

 

Just find someone else to love who loves you back just as much.

 

As I used to like to say when I was younger:

 

"Loving someone is easy. Finding someone who loves you back is the hard part."

 

Yes, I realize this is a generic quote that gets tossed around a lot. Doesn't take away from it.

Great post, now do it again in rhymes you fraud!

[travelonic]

 

Same goes with GIGS. GIGS is used to explain someone becoming bored or complacent in their current situation, then searching for "greener pastures" or "something better". However, you won't know its GIGS until they try to come back after leaving what they had realizing they already had it great..

 

 

By this, do you mean trying to come back as in trying to come back together, or just generally so far as coming back into your life - not necessarily in a relationship? I think that while both are good indicators for definitively pinning GIGs on the situation, you can have either, not just one or the other, but that's just my opinion.

[bigtrouble]

Well I can't really define what is Gigs and if its true or branch swinging bottom line is they left us for somebody else.

 

GF 5yrs bored feels she's not getting enough attention and love.

 

Co-worker starts to flirt with her, she feels butterflies in her stomach (not compatible both are female) what is she thinking.

 

She fosters the growing feeling and suddenly falls out of love with me.

 

When she was emotionally checked out dumps me like garbage. (dispose everything that would remind her of me) Pursue the new partner, head over heels.

 

Ignores me as if I don't exist, spends more time with new partner, discovers new things, enjoy life better with this person, Feels she deserves more. Threw all cares and just focus on her euphoric feelings when with this new person.

 

She is emotionally weak and can't stand being alone, insecure and always look for that validation. She could never be alone she needs someone to to hold her. Decide for her.

 

I don't want to give myself false hopes, all I know she left me and it hurts like hell.

Edited January 16, 2015 by bigtrouble

[Holmes85]

Bigtrouble,

 

I'm pretty sure if you even gave her much attention and love she still would have pulled the trigger.

 

When you have spend certain amount of time with someone ( in your case 5 years), everything else is going to look nice and shiny to them.

 

Let me tell you that people who quickly jump into relationships, are head over heels, over time things fizzle out just as quickly as they started, but the best thing for you to do is not to wait and let them do their thing. Improve yourself and take one step at a time and keep improving yourself, the process will be slow at first, but with time, you would get a hold of it and get a hold of your emotions.

 

You should not settle for a girl whose emotionally immature, the person who stands for nothing, falls for everything, your Ex Girlfriend fits into that category perfectly.

 

You are hurting right now, but months / years from now on, you would bounce back and would be even more confident than before, trust me. And "If" your Ex chooses to get back to you at that point, you would be in the right state of mind and have a clear head in order to decide whether you want her back or not or who knows you might have upgraded to a mature partner by then. Stay strong and keep moving forward.

Edited January 16, 2015 by Holmes85