throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Me and this girl have been good friends for a while (read: years). I know what they say about friendzones and ****, but I have never seen any proof of this in real life. So, me and her are very similar, we like the same music, have very similar interests and we chat all the time. When us and our other friends get together, she often sits next to me (for example, if I sat on a couch in a room with four other empty couches, she would sit next to me as opposed to anywhere else). She also makes excuses to see me often and be near me. When she does this, she often leans on me, almost as if trying to snuggle or something. Often when we chat, she seems rather flirtatious and teasing. Special note: I know she does not do this with our other friends, or other people in general. I feel like we might have something together, but I cannot tell what she thinks. Another thing, I was playfighting with another girl last night when we were all together, I dont remember why, she must have been teasing me (I know this girl is interested in someone else, the girl I am asking about doesnt know this). The girl I am asking about was acting really awkwardly during this, nobody else was paying attention, they all just seemed not to care. But she kept looking at me and her and was acting uncomfortable. Does that mean anything? My question is: is she interested? Am I mislead and see only what I want to see because I have a crush on her? Is this normal behaviour for girls with their close friends? And one last one: Should I ask her out? she might not feel the same way, but is it worth a shot? A couple things to take into consideration: 1. We are very similar people 2. We are quite young, I won't say specifically, but older than 14 and younger than 25 3. I have almost 0 self esteem 4. I have never had a girlfriend in the past 5. I don't have any close relations to another girl, I have no frame of reference to base her behaviour off of, but from what I can tell, its abnormal. I have waited a long time to ask this, this is a last resort because I cannot answer these myself. Thank you ADDED: I felt I need to add that a while ago we went to see Mockingjay and it ended up being me the girl in question, and two other girls there alone with nobody else from this circle. I sat next to her (who shall now be referred to as "Jade" (not her real name)), rather by coincidence because I was talking to her on the way in to the theatre. There are several sad parts in the movie and several times she reached over and grabbed my arm or held my hand. More recently, Jade and the two aforementioned girls decided they wanted to go see another movie. Jade invited me, me specifically, as nobody else from this circle knew. Once again, I sat next to Jade, more intentionally this time. And again, during the sad parts of the movie reached out and held my hand. Does this mean something? Continuing on, Jade seems to be more inclined to ask me for help with things. For example, recently she asked for help in setting up a mini-computer (note: this is not a hard process and she had to have known that). So she came over to my house and we set it up together. Another example of this is when she'd left her jacket at my the location of the most recent get together of this circle of friends (note: not my house). Jade asked me to take her coat and hold it for her until she could get it, when just as easily the homeowner could have. In addition to these, when she leaves these get togethers, she tries to find an excuse to hug me on the way out. I can see her looking at me and looking for excuses. Again, she does this with me only. As I write this I realized that "Jade" would instantly recognize I was talking about her, so I attempted to skew specifics. Sorry about that. TL; DR: Girl gives me special and preferential treatment. Always seeking physical contact when we're together, and we text a lot when we're separated. What do I do? Final question: Is she romantically interested in me? I'll probably ask her out either way. Edited January 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added edit after thread merge
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The answer is No. This girl doesnt like you romantically. You are just a "safe" friend to be around If you want to improve. Build up your self esteem more
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 . Build up your self esteem more Then what? I don't know how that will help.
angel.eyes Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The key is that she's doing things with you that she isn't doing with other guys--flirting, snuggling, etc. Chances are she likes you. Ask her out. That's about the only way things are going to progress. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Considering that you two have been friends for years and hanging out, snuggling, etc,. you have essentially done date-like activities except for one thing, you haven't kissed her. Go 'head and kiss the girl. The next time you two are alone and enjoying each other company, just kiss her. A small, gentle peck on the lips will do. Just implement the small pecks on the lips for a while when you two are together then progress it to involve more dating type activity. Take a gradual approach. Absolutely do not confess your undying love for her. I wouldn't even mention that I like her if I were you for a while. You can always back track if the kiss doesn't go as planned if you say nothing but if you talk too much and start talking about feelings, she will run away from you like a cheetah and you can't work much with something you said. Just gradually start treating her like someone you are dating without all the talking about it.
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Go 'head and kiss the girl. The next time you two are alone and enjoying each other company, just kiss her. A small, gentle peck on the lips will do. Just implement the small pecks on the lips for a while when you two are together then progress it to involve more dating type activity. I'd love to do this, I really would. but I feel it'd be too out of character for me. (I'm a massive ****ing nerd)
Satu Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 If you really have 'nearly 0 self-esteem,' you need to work on that and get some therapy. Not because of this girl, but to have a better life in general. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I'd love to do this, I really would. but I feel it'd be too out of character for me. (I'm a massive ****ing nerd) Then ask her out on a date. Do what is closest to your personality. But either way, things won't progress until you take the lead and do something to make it clear that you want the relationship to morph into a romantic one. She's done her part...giving you lots of signals. The onus is now on you. You're going to have to get out of your comfort zone! 1
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Then ask her out on a date. Do what is closest to your personality. But either way, things won't progress until you take the lead and do something to make it clear that you want the relationship to morph into a romantic one. She's done her part...giving you lots of signals. The onus is now on you. You're going to have to get out of your comfort zone! Looking back, it seems this is why I created this thread. I wanted someone tell me I wasn't crazy and then that I had to do this. Thank you. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 By the way, I'm not sure you have poor self-esteem. I suspect, you're just inexperienced. That makes you nervous and unsure of yourself. That's okay. With experience, you'll become more certain and confident of yourself. You'll realize you survive just fine after rejection. Then you won't dread it so much that it prevents you from doing what you know you need to do. 2
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 I hope so. I remember another of my female friends was put in a very similar situation to this one, maybe I'll talk to her about it. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I'd love to do this, I really would. but I feel it'd be too out of character for me. I can tell from your original post that this is out of character for you but your character would probably have you in these sort of situations repeatedly. I want to encourage you to implement making a move into your character so that you can, hopefully, start dating this girl and maybe making it easy to date other girls in the future. A small quick peck on the lips is no big deal. Try it. 2
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Well... maybe I will. Unpredictability is in character for me, so...
angel.eyes Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I hope so. I remember another of my female friends was put in a very similar situation to this one, maybe I'll talk to her about it. Ugh! Don't! A guy discussing his crush on me with other people in our social circle rather than acting on it directly with me is a total turnoff. It's wishy washy...and that's the nicest thing I can say about that type of behavior. Also, who wants to be the object of gossip? 1
soyou Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Just ask her out on a date. If she says no, then you have the answer for yourself and will never have to wonder... If she says yes, then please come back here and let us know so we can make a toast for you ;-)). Be daring. Have courage to go after what you want. This attitude will help you a lot, not only in dating but also in life in general. Good luck!
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Ugh! Don't! A guy discussing his crush on me with other people in our social circle rather than acting on it directly with me is a total turnoff. It's wishy washy...and that's the nicest thing I can say about that type of behavior. Also, who wants to be the object of gossip? oh, okay then. I did not realize this.
coolheadal Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Well in this case here I see two people who are the best for buds. That's what you are to her. Someone she feels close enough but not as someone she would date but someone she can be herself with. Now right away you get these ideas in your head/mind it could mean more than what she's wants. But if you play your cards right and let everything work their magic, maybe one day it will play out the way want it to happen now. But if I was like you I would treat this friendship as what it is. Friends only doing best friends things together. Be happy with this, because you don't see this so much today. Everyone out for themselves. But she's digs you for who you are and also respects being with you since you haven't made any attempts to spoil things which would end this friendship. Respect her and just be there for her as a friend for now. This other story she told you about she knows someone that likes you a lot could be her or someone else. Again don't give in. Just play it cool. Just say Oh Okay! That's all you should say. But whatever you do just don't make the wrong mistakes that other guys do when they have a girl like this whose just looking for bud (buddy only).
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 Well in this case here I see two people who are the best for buds. That's what you are to her. Someone she feels close enough but not as someone she would date but someone she can be herself with. Now right away you get these ideas in your head/mind it could mean more than what she's wants. But if you play your cards right and let everything work their magic, maybe one day it will play out the way want it to happen now. But if I was like you I would treat this friendship as what it is. Friends only doing best friends things together. Be happy with this, because you don't see this so much today. Everyone out for themselves. But she's digs you for who you are and also respects being with you since you haven't made any attempts to spoil things which would end this friendship. Respect her and just be there for her as a friend for now. This other story she told you about she knows someone that likes you a lot could be her or someone else. Again don't give in. Just play it cool. Just say Oh Okay! That's all you should say. But whatever you do just don't make the wrong mistakes that other guys do when they have a girl like this whose just looking for bud (buddy only). what specifically makes you think this?
Author throwaway1944 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Me and this girl have been good friends for a while (read: years). I know what they say about friendzones and ****, but I have never seen any proof of this in real life. So, me and her are very similar, we like the same music, have very similar interests and we chat all the time. When us and our other friends get together, she often sits next to me (for example, if I sat on a couch in a room with four other empty couches, she would sit next to me as opposed to anywhere else). She also makes excuses to see me often and be near me. When she does this, she often leans on me, almost as if trying to snuggle or something. Often when we chat, she seems rather flirtatious and teasing. Special note: I know she does not do this with our other friends, or other people in general. I feel like we might have something together, but I cannot tell what she thinks. Another thing, I was playfighting with another girl last night when we were all together, I dont remember why, she must have been teasing me (I know this girl is interested in someone else, the girl I am asking about doesnt know this). The girl I am asking about was acting really awkwardly during this, nobody else was paying attention, they all just seemed not to care. But she kept looking at me and her and was acting uncomfortable. Does that mean anything? My question is: is she interested? Am I mislead and see only what I want to see because I have a crush on her? Is this normal behaviour for girls with their close friends? And one last one: Should I ask her out? she might not feel the same way, but is it worth a shot? A couple things to take into consideration: 1. We are very similar people 2. We are quite young, I won't say specifically, but older than 14 and younger than 25 3. I have almost 0 self esteem 4. I have never had a girlfriend in the past 5. I don't have any close relations to another girl, I have no frame of reference to base her behaviour off of, but from what I can tell, its abnormal. I have waited a long time to ask this, this is a last resort because I cannot answer these myself. Thank you ADDED: I felt I need to add that a while ago we went to see Mockingjay and it ended up being me the girl in question, and two other girls there alone with nobody else from this circle. I sat next to her (who shall now be referred to as "Jade" (not her real name)), rather by coincidence because I was talking to her on the way in to the theatre. There are several sad parts in the movie and several times she reached over and grabbed my arm or held my hand. More recently, Jade and the two aforementioned girls decided they wanted to go see another movie. Jade invited me, me specifically, as nobody else from this circle knew. Once again, I sat next to Jade, more intentionally this time. And again, during the sad parts of the movie reached out and held my hand. Does this mean something? Continuing on, Jade seems to be more inclined to ask me for help with things. For example, recently she asked for help in setting up a mini-computer (note: this is not a hard process and she had to have known that). So she came over to my house and we set it up together. Another example of this is when she'd left her jacket at my the location of the most recent get together of this circle of friends (note: not my house). Jade asked me to take her coat and hold it for her until she could get it, when just as easily the homeowner could have. In addition to these, when she leaves these get togethers, she tries to find an excuse to hug me on the way out. I can see her looking at me and looking for excuses. Again, she does this with me only. As I write this I realized that "Jade" would instantly recognize I was talking about her, so I attempted to skew specifics. Sorry about that. TL; DR: Girl gives me special and preferential treatment. Always seeking physical contact when we're together, and we text a lot when we're separated. What do I do? Final question: Is she romantically interested in me? I'll probably ask her out either way. Original Thread here.
WonderKid Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You have nothing to lose go for it. You don't get results unless you ask. Closed mouths don't get fed. 1
Assada Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Then what? I don't know how that will help. hahahaha, you dont know how building your self esteem will help? -Its like someone telling a deaf man, that music will be beautiful when he can hear again, and the deaf man just says "Its all stuff that I can imagine, just right down the lyrics for me". Believe me when I say, your self-esteem is front ant center here And if you declare your feelings for her, you'll probably lose a friend too
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