simplicity1 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) We met about 4 months ago and hung out a few times in groups. He's new to this country. I was hugely attracted, but his behavior towards me was a bit strange (hot and cold, a bit conceited) so I backed away. Fast forward to a few weeks ago...he had made some effort to hang out throughout the last few months but I pushed it away since I'd lost interest. He tried a bit harder so I agreed to dinner. Dinner went great!! 3 hours just strolling around afterwards. HOWEVER, on our stroll back, he told me (largely initiated by him) he had broken up with his ex of four years 6 months earlier (not long before we met). It was the first breakup he'd experienced and in general he said he still didn't feel ready for a relationship in his life but "maybe in January or February, it's a new year, and I'm starting to be more stable in this country." It was a bit weird that he was talking to me about relationships given that we'd not seen each other for a few months, but he spoke broadly enough to make it less weird. Anyway, he very eagerly followed up a few days later on a hangout we had tentatively proposed, which also was great, (Though no physical contact at all, and he mentioned his ex once or twice in passing) and then we each left for the holidays. He has since contacted me via short FB messages on Christmas and on my Birthday, which I also responded to via short and sweet messages. So, what's my best course of action? Does this SCREAM red flag since he's clearly not over his ex and he's so far not made a physical move on me, and even if he does I'm destined to be the rebound?? (though he threw the carrot of "Maybe I'll be ready for a relationship in the new year") Or, should I appreciate his transparency about the situation and take his word that he really might intend to make an effort to give another girl a try in the new year (given that it's been 6 or 7 months since his breakup which sounds *somewhat* like a reasonable amount of time?) He strikes me as a very down to earth and introspective guy who appreciates stability. I just don't want to get unnecessarily hurt by the situation, so looking for some advice on how to interpret his actions. So far I'm being passive about initiating communication, but super engaged in those two times we hung out, and always responding to him ever since I regained interest. Thanks! Edited January 1, 2015 by simplicity1
WonderWoman911 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I would definitely appreciate his transparency and honesty about everything. Nonetheless, his comment about being ready for a relationship "maybe January/February it's a new year" raises an eyebrow. It seems like he's throwing months out there as if he's planning for a vacation,"maybe January or February." Then you mentioned how he brought up his ex a few times in conversation. Those are signs that she's still on his mind. I would take my time with this guy. I would also talk to him and ask him is he in any way still communicating with her. You don't want to have your feelings deeply involved with this guy when he still have his baggage. He definitely seems interested in you,but just take your time and don't rush things especially since you mentioned that in the past he has behaviors of being hot/cold.
fred123 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 maybe he sees her as a friend. whats wrong with that? also would you get annoyed if he turned around after and said that you are a good friend. would you feel mislead?
Author simplicity1 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Update: People are starting to be back in town after the holidays. My original plan was to be really passive- he contacted me over break on christmas and my birthday, cool. But the last thing I heard from him before break was 'not ready for a relationship, not over my ex, but next year's a new year' so my logical mind is telling me that he needs to do more than just christmas and bday contact if things have a chance of progressing..he needs to make moves. But my emotional mind is kicking in and starting to urge me to shoot him a message to see if he's in town... Do I contact or let it be?
Adele0908 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 He's not ready for anything yet due to the ex. Don't take him seriously. Just keep it friendly between you two. Date other men.
Recommended Posts