shet Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 There are men and women out there happy with crippled partners unresponsive below the waist. Or whose partners are in jail. Or dead and yet they refuse to remarry/date. People whose partners are deaf or blind. Or suffer something in the vast range of human psychological problems that make their relationship highly atypical and hard to understand to outsiders. But they choose to engage in that relationship for their own reasons. You have your reasons for loving this man, and despite what some hyperventilating posters have tried to gin up, I haven't seen any evidence he's directly mistreated you. He has a range of problems that leave you unfulfilled and unhappy, but that's a different thing. It's up to you to decide if you can handle life like this. He isn't lying to you about his problems, he's even asking you if you can tolerate them. You weigh up the pros and cons. That's what love is, if it has any meaning - accepting the package deal of your partner and their flaws, baggage, character traits, everything negative along with the positive. 1
Conners Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Honestly sounds like he's in massive denial and won't come out of the closet. 3
michellew Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You have your reasons for loving this man, and despite what some hyperventilating posters have tried to gin up, I haven't seen any evidence he's directly mistreated you. Seriously? Does he need to cheat on her (if he hasn't already), beat her, and/or call her names in order for you to see what this man is putting her through? Everything about him and this relationship is unhealthy and abnormal. The OP deserves a loving, giving, affectionate man that reciprocates her feelings for her and takes her needs into consideration. He is as selfish as they come. 1
SpiralOut Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You have your reasons for loving this man, and despite what some hyperventilating posters have tried to gin up, I haven't seen any evidence he's directly mistreated you. . Look at her post history. There are so many other threads about this guy that when you put them all together, it's clear that he's not a good partner. This isn't an isolated incident.
bathtub-row Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 There are men and women out there happy with crippled partners unresponsive below the waist. Or whose partners are in jail. Or dead and yet they refuse to remarry/date. People whose partners are deaf or blind. Or suffer something in the vast range of human psychological problems that make their relationship highly atypical and hard to understand to outsiders. But they choose to engage in that relationship for their own reasons. You have your reasons for loving this man, and despite what some hyperventilating posters have tried to gin up, I haven't seen any evidence he's directly mistreated you. He has a range of problems that leave you unfulfilled and unhappy, but that's a different thing. It's up to you to decide if you can handle life like this. He isn't lying to you about his problems, he's even asking you if you can tolerate them. You weigh up the pros and cons. That's what love is, if it has any meaning - accepting the package deal of your partner and their flaws, baggage, character traits, everything negative along with the positive. Happily and consciously choosing these types of relationships is way different than being put through emotional pain and not ending it because of an unhealthy attachment.
beach Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 He may be gay and using you as his cover. Or He's been sexually molested/abused. Run!!
Diezel Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Your posting history since August of this year about this guy. It's one thing to question the emotional and mental issues of your boyfriend, but something has to be said about YOU. It's astounding how you keep posting with almost no awareness that aside from moving in, there are too many red flags about this guy. Do you see something wrong? 6 months and all these issues. What happens in the long run? Are you awake? - Boyfriend wants to sleep in separate rooms - Boyfriend left me home alone and sick - Partner gets job without telling me - and convinces me I'm forgetful - Boyfriend does not like to ejaculate - Boyfriend changes plans and only does what suits him - Boyfriend declining sex and runs hot and cold - What is wrong here? Why do I feel uneasy & uncomfortable? - He is too tired lately, how can I talk to him about it? - Am I dating a narcissist? He makes me uneasy. Sweet baby Jesus. That's a "Dead Bedroom" playbook if I've ever seen one. And this is at SIX MONTHS. Yeah, this will end well. 1
Toodaloo Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Your posting history since August of this year about this guy. It's one thing to question the emotional and mental issues of your boyfriend, but something has to be said about YOU. It's astounding how you keep posting with almost no awareness that aside from moving in, there are too many red flags about this guy. Do you see something wrong? 6 months and all these issues. What happens in the long run? Are you awake? - Boyfriend wants to sleep in separate rooms - Boyfriend left me home alone and sick - Partner gets job without telling me - and convinces me I'm forgetful - Boyfriend does not like to ejaculate - Boyfriend changes plans and only does what suits him - Boyfriend declining sex and runs hot and cold - What is wrong here? Why do I feel uneasy & uncomfortable? - He is too tired lately, how can I talk to him about it? - Am I dating a narcissist? He makes me uneasy. Thats a lot of red flags... In answer to your question I know several people who sleep in different rooms because of things like snoring, one likes to be hot while sleeping while the other likes to be cold... so yes it can be healthy... Coupled in with all of the above... Your on a swift road to being VERY MISERABLE... ITS VERY UNHEALTHY. I remember posting in the one where he left you alone while ill. Trust me after years of hell with a selfish, lazy bastard I have learnt a lot. The last 5 years with him were the worst but I ignored all these "little red flags" and made excuses for him... That relationship all but killed me. I swear its only that I am a stubborn cow that I am still here at all. Don't make yourself learn the hard way. Heed the advice.
samaraa Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Echoing others: Your relationship needs to end. You've called it "hard work," "exhausting," with "no sex, me constantly asking to have my needs met, an apparent lack of intimacy (and at times empathy), and now when we move in together we can't stay in the same room!" You "feel like giving up" and you should. You don't owe the man anything. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship and you're not. This man isn't right for you. And you know it; "I feel I need to leave." Breakups are painful. Unfortunately, there's no way for you to end this without hurting at the outset. It will be painful and you'll need time to recover and heal. But if you leave now, you'll be sparing yourself the additional exhaustion, frustration, and pain. The sooner you leave, the better. This forum is great for feedback and support, but I think you should also seek a therapist. It'll be easier to handle the breakup and your subsequent healing with a professional who's trained to deal with these situations. You also obviously need a support system, and time with friends (and/or family) to fill the time you previously spent with your partner. Breakups are difficult, but sometimes they're necessary. For your well-being and happiness, as well as your future, I think ending the relationship is the best course of action.
aggie382 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 He's not acting like he wants to be a live-in boyfriend. It sounds like he's looking for a roommate with regular sex.
michellew Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Echoing others: Your relationship needs to end. You've called it "hard work," "exhausting," with "no sex, me constantly asking to have my needs met, an apparent lack of intimacy (and at times empathy), and now when we move in together we can't stay in the same room!" You "feel like giving up" and you should. You don't owe the man anything. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship and you're not. This man isn't right for you. And you know it; "I feel I need to leave." Breakups are painful. Unfortunately, there's no way for you to end this without hurting at the outset. It will be painful and you'll need time to recover and heal. But if you leave now, you'll be sparing yourself the additional exhaustion, frustration, and pain. The sooner you leave, the better. This forum is great for feedback and support, but I think you should also seek a therapist. It'll be easier to handle the breakup and your subsequent healing with a professional who's trained to deal with these situations. You also obviously need a support system, and time with friends (and/or family) to fill the time you previously spent with your partner. Breakups are difficult, but sometimes they're necessary. For your well-being and happiness, as well as your future, I think ending the relationship is the best course of action. Great advice! I couldn't have said it better. Hopefully OP takes everyone's advice into consideration.
ASG Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 IMO this isn't a bad idea. I am naturally a very light sleeper and basically don't sleep at all with somebody else in bed. This guy might be the same. I'm not a light sleeper, but until I get very used to it, I sleep very badly with someone else in the same room, let alone the same bed, It has never prompted me to ask for separate rooms though...
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