blindfultruth Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 One too many times have I been called this and one too many times I've been told that I'm too good for them. I thought respecting boundaries, having patience, and being understanding was a good thing. I'm not trying to be the perfect guy, just want a companion that can accept that my personality is real. It's exhausting having to convince that I'm not a fake. Makes me wonder if I should be a bit more aggressive. Any suggestions or thoughts on the matter? I appreciate in advance.
WonderWoman911 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The only thing I can think of is the women you've dated may not be use to a good guy such as yourself.Sometimes a woman can go through so much bad stuff and drama with a guy and become accustomed to it.And when she finally meet a well respected man,like yourself,she doesn't know how to handle it. You can seem to good to be true to them.I wouldn't try to be aggressive.Stay true to who you are and be yourself. When the right woman come into your life, she'll appreciate you. 1
Author blindfultruth Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 I appreciate your input. I understand what you're saying about being aggressive and its not in my character to try, even though my friends suggest otherwise. Its not a good feeling to know that the last one or two guys a genuine woman has seen indirectly affected how things work for someone like me.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Respecting boundaries, being patient, and understanding are great traits, but you have to add some assertive behavior to the mix. You have to convey your interest and desirability to a woman, otherwise she may just see you as a "nice guy" that does not excite her. You do not need to change your core self, you just have to tweak your method. Being a little aggressive does not mean you are being disrespectful. Also, when a woman says you are too good to be true, or that she's not used to be treated so well, it's because she haschosen to date bad guys that mistreated her. I recommend for you to stop being patient once a woman reveals this to you, and just walk away from her. Do not even entertain the notion, because you will get burnt. 3
WonderKid Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I was fortunate enough to learn this at a very young age when I wasn't even serious about dating (around 16 I think). It is best to go your own way. If she wants to keep acting like you're a fairy tale, don't entertain it. It's best to show her that you can live and go on without her. The girl I was with said she thinks I am too good for her. Couple weeks later she went out with another guy. Not a very good one. By the end of the schoolyear she was pregnant. It is what it is.
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 You can get put in the "yes man" catagory. You have to not, be walked all over, and no when to stand up for yourself. The old quote "If you stand for nothing, you fall for anything" - Let women know where you stand on certain issues
WonderWoman911 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Also, when a woman says you are too good to be true, or that she's not used to be treated so well, it's because she haschosen to date bad guys that mistreated her. That's not always true. A woman doesn't have to necessarily 'choose' to date a bad guy in order to end up being mistreated. Sometimes the guy can come off to be a great guy,but end up being a piece of trash. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 That's not always true. A woman doesn't have to necessarily 'choose' to date a bad guy in order to end up being mistreated. Sometimes the guy can come off to be a great guy,but end up being a piece of trash. That's understandable. Such situations do happen with dating and relationships. But when a woman reveals that she is not used to being treated well, it means she is comfortable with mistreatment. She may not like the mistreatment completely, but she accepts it because there is probably some exciting drama that attracts her to the man.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Are you perhaps a tad too passive? For example, if you think going to the beach is a complete waste of time & there are few places on earth you hate more, but your new GF says let's go to the beach all the time & all you do is acquiesce (which you see has respecting her boundaries & being patient) that is a problem. In a healthy happy relationship both parties get their needs met. I'll give you another example. Last night for NYE for the 1st time in our relationship, DH sat on the couch & watched the ball drop because there was nothing good going on & we hadn't planned on being away. There was one party that I have made a point of never going to. It was the party my parents always went to & I just don't think it's fun. Given the choice, I would rather sit on my couch. Anyway around 9:00 I realized we hadn't talked about it. I just said I didn't want to go to that & DH never said anything else. So I asked if he was OK with that unilateral decision. He assured me that had he wanted to go, he would have said something & he was equally sure that if it had been that important to him, I would have made it happen. Do you understand how that is us respecting both each other's boundaries and being willing to compromise when necessary for good of the marriage? 2
Ann253 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Saying you're too good to be true as a reason not to be together is just an excuse. I personally thought my bf was too good to be true when we first started dating. It made me a little nervous, waiting for the other shoe to drop and see what was wrong with him... But now I just thank my lucky stars that I finally found a good man.
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch if you are not yourself,in other words, true to you ......how can you then find someone who will be true to you or true to them self..see above quote...... someone who you truly matter to and someone who matters to you....will accept you for the guy you are.....dont accept less than that.......or they will treat or accept you in a less manner than you deserve.....deb
hoping2heal Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 One too many times have I been called this and one too many times I've been told that I'm too good for them. I thought respecting boundaries, having patience, and being understanding was a good thing. I'm not trying to be the perfect guy, just want a companion that can accept that my personality is real. It's exhausting having to convince that I'm not a fake. Makes me wonder if I should be a bit more aggressive. Any suggestions or thoughts on the matter? I appreciate in advance. There's more to this Can you give a real life example of respecting boundaries, having patience, and being understanding?
Author blindfultruth Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Wouldn't any female be cautious of the someone like me? I can compromise no problem and I know not to bug or pressure. Perhaps I'm not assertive enough in other ways...I don't know. Where's the line drawn for patience and are there any other things that in may be missing? I've been told that I need to stop considering so much, to focus on my own world instead of searching for a companion to accept me. Would this affect how I'm seen? Would it make it like I am too good to be true? I've set myself up for a career milestone of a job... without forsaking any of the traits I listed for my topic. If I focused any more on myself wouldn't that change my core self?
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Wouldn't any female be cautious of the someone like me? I can compromise no problem and I know not to bug or pressure. Perhaps I'm not assertive enough in other ways...I don't know. Where's the line drawn for patience and are there any other things that in may be missing? I've been told that I need to stop considering so much, to focus on my own world instead of searching for a companion to accept me. Would this affect how I'm seen? Would it make it like I am too good to be true? I've set myself up for a career milestone of a job... without forsaking any of the traits I listed for my topic. If I focused any more on myself wouldn't that change my core self? do you think of others more than your self?
Danda Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Also, when a woman says you are too good to be true, or that she's not used to be treated so well, it's because she haschosen to date bad guys that mistreated her. I recommend for you to stop being patient once a woman reveals this to you, and just walk away from her. Do not even entertain the notion, because you will get burnt. As harsh as this might sound I agree with it, and it's the same way for men who have a shoulder chip or baggage towards women. People tend to lean towards fight or flight, but it's the same baggage underneath, in my perception. Whether they take on a 'flight' response (i.e. "you're too good to be true") or a 'fight' response (i.e. "men/women are <insert something negative>") the underlying issue is that they are still too damaged to see you as an individual and not as a gender-only. And you can't heal people, they have to go through the tough journey of finding their own healing.
Author blindfultruth Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 There's more to this Can you give a real life example of respecting boundaries, having patience, and being understanding? Boundaries: I was talking with someone and before any kind of date she invited me over to watch a movie. I asked if she was sure this was how she wanted to meet. I didn't want to come off with the intentions of sleeping with her and I wanted to make sure she wasn't filling a void with me. Needless to say I went over and brought food and we watched Netflix for a while. Understanding: Same female said that she was going through a rough time. It was still at the beginning of the talk/hang out stage so I offered help but didn't pressure about it. I didn't hear from her for days and she texted me saying sorry for going quiet. I told her that she had to do what she felt was necessary to help. Patience: Thus happened on and off with the female for weeks. I still felt that it wasn't my place to interfere unless she asked, though I wondered how long it was going to be this way. It kept on for two+ months... and I still raised no issues about to her.
lil hoodlum Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 One too many times have I been called this and one too many times I've been told that I'm too good for them. I thought respecting boundaries, having patience, and being understanding was a good thing. I'm not trying to be the perfect guy, just want a companion that can accept that my personality is real. It's exhausting having to convince that I'm not a fake. Makes me wonder if I should be a bit more aggressive. Any suggestions or thoughts on the matter? I appreciate in advance. I am alot like you, respecting boundaries, patient, and am pretty understanding about things. However, I let all women I interact with romantically if they don't treat me right, I will not stick around, and I mean it. Maybe they don't appreciate having a guy like me in their life, but I do know that there are other women who would love to have a guy like me in their life. You can be respectful and give respect to others, but you have to respect yourself first. And that means walking away if necessary.
toscaroscura Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 The problem is that many narcissists, abusers and just plain jerks can seem too good to be true. In fact, they often are too good to be true in their attempts to sweep a woman off her feet before she knows what hit her. So someone that seems to good to be true is among well-known red flags that wise women know about. Blame the abusers out there, for making it harder for a genuine man.
StacyLeigh Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Unfortunately there are a lot of jerks and liars out there. They have ruined the faith that women should be able to give to respectful gentlemen like yourself. Just keep being yourself and the right woman will see you for what you are.
lil hoodlum Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 The problem is that many narcissists, abusers and just plain jerks can seem too good to be true. In fact, they often are too good to be true in their attempts to sweep a woman off her feet before she knows what hit her. So someone that seems to good to be true is among well-known red flags that wise women know about. Blame the abusers out there, for making it harder for a genuine man. Thank you for sharing this info. I actually learned something new today. I had no idea that someone that seems to good to be true is a well-known red flag for women.
toscaroscura Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Thank you for sharing this info. I actually learned something new today. I had no idea that someone that seems to good to be true is a well-known red flag for women. After one or two times being burned by the "too good to be true" types, I have to say I am extremely wary. The last guy that was too good to be true was this "love bomber" who seemed to be everything I ever wanted. He said and did all the right things, but my instincts took over and I broke up with him (he was also moody and possessive). But a few scant weeks later, he was married to someone else. So much for the "deep, true" love we had. So much for me being The One. 1
travelbug1996 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Boundaries: I was talking with someone and before any kind of date she invited me over to watch a movie. I asked if she was sure this was how she wanted to meet. I didn't want to come off with the intentions of sleeping with her and I wanted to make sure she wasn't filling a void with me. Needless to say I went over and brought food and we watched Netflix for a while. Understanding: Same female said that she was going through a rough time. It was still at the beginning of the talk/hang out stage so I offered help but didn't pressure about it. I didn't hear from her for days and she texted me saying sorry for going quiet. I told her that she had to do what she felt was necessary to help. Patience: Thus happened on and off with the female for weeks. I still felt that it wasn't my place to interfere unless she asked, though I wondered how long it was going to be this way. It kept on for two+ months... and I still raised no issues about to her. Sounds like a pretty passive guy to me. She was having a difficult time and you disappear on her and not even bother to send a text to see how she was? Did she say she needed space. It wasn't your place to interfere until she asked? Though you wondered? I would suggest you work on your assertiveness and confidence. Women lose respect for passive men. Kindness is good 'Nice is not'.
StacyLeigh Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Thank you for sharing this info. I actually learned something new today. I had no idea that someone that seems to good to be true is a well-known red flag for women. I'm not sure if they are a red flag exactly, but some women are their own worst enemies. We can sabotage something great just because we feel that need to find a flaw.
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