skies_the_limit Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I was going out with this girl for 4 months and we seemed to have a lot in common. I was taking it slow at first and she wanted to take it to the next level and I said ok. I was thinking it was no big deal she wants to call me her boyfriend. Naturally being around each other more I started to get feelings. I'm working on some jealousy issues and she witnessed some events where I lost my cool. We talked about it and we agreed to work on it together. It happened again and I could see her loss in interest. It was a downhill spiral from there. She started staying at home more and then told me she would be there a week so we can think about things more clearly. She sent me a text a couple days later. "I'm sorry, its over" "I love you but sometimes its not enough to make it work". I responded "If that is what you want then ok." I took it seriously and went NC to heal and try and move on. She texted me after 7 days saying "I hate this and miss you". I told her I was caught a little off guard and asked if she wants to try and work it out? She spilled her guts saying she was sorry for not sticking it out and she loves me. She was sorry for this and that and wants to try and talk through it. I told her I wouldn't have time to talk for a couple of days she was understanding and told me to take my time. Then she asked I wanted to try and make things work. I told her "It would be nice" she said awesome. She sent me texts and I didn't want her to think I had not interest so I responded short and sweet. Today is her birthday soI sent her Happy Birtday!!! . She replied shortly after saying "Thank you!!!". I guess my question is she after my attention and nothing else or should I try and make this work. Of course it sounds awesome but I know from experience how hard reconciliation can be. I've been working out and have a lot going for me so I not extremely worried if things don't work out but I like her. We are supposed to sit down and talk tomorrow. What am I supposed to think of all of this?? Is she serious or am I wasting my time?
SoThatHappened Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Seems pretty cut and dry to me. How old are both of you, by the way? She wants to work things out, sounds like you do as well. No one knows for sure if she is genuinely serious besides her.
Holmes85 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 skies_the_limit Your girlfriend sounds pretty immature to me. Ending a relationship on a whim. It's like today I feel like having a relationship with Justin Bieber tomorrow it might be Justin Timberlake. I would suggest you keep an eye out for someone who know what they want, your girlfriend sounds like a typical confused teenager whose running high on emotions to me.
Author skies_the_limit Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 She is 25 as of today and I am 28. I know it takes two to mess things up but I made some mistakes too. I am more than willing to accept that and grow. Yesterday she was spilling her guts and after I sent her the happy birthday {and she replied Thank you!!!) text she has said nothing. I don't want to play games here. I don't know if she just wants to give me space until tomorrow or what. This is stupid.
hoping2heal Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 So the jealousy issues, What happened? What were the "things" she witnessed?
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Since these fissures developed after she witnessed your jealousy, what are you doing to get that under control? If nothing has changed your relationship has no chance. As for her loving you, she may love the guy she wants you to be, not the jealous guy you actually are. Be careful.
Author skies_the_limit Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Well she says she know we have issues and she wants to stick it out. I have been reading blogs and identifying with friends who have had this problem in the past. They all have seem to able to overcome it and there is no reason why I cant. I know it wont be easy but It is necessary for healthy relationship. I have blown up on her for being in contact with other guys and not even in a flirtatious way. Just me being stupid. I plan to talk to a counselor just to have some outside help. She had every reason to leave because my attitude wasn't very attractive towards the end. I don't want to blow this second chance.
Author skies_the_limit Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Anyone else got some advice? I could really use it.
Downtown Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Sky, an important issue is whether your irrational jealousy and anger issues arise from a strong fear of abandonment you acquired in early childhood, before age five. If so, you will have to work very hard to get those feelings under control and it may take quite some time to do it. I therefore ask whether you experienced any trauma in early childhood from parental abandonment or abuse? Have the jealousy and anger flared up in your previous relationships?
Chi townD Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Well, you got the call most people that have a break-up wish for. Personally, it's up to you. She was in the drivers seat when she broke up with you. You are in the driver's seat as far as where this relationship goes. If you want to get back together. YOU need to set up the rules and boundaries. There's obviously problems that are there in order for her to break up with you. These need to be identified and addressed. You might want to suggest couples counseling to address these issues.
Author skies_the_limit Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 I have looked into my past to try and find out what could have caused this. My parents were good and are still together after 50 years. The only thing I can think of is all of the failing relationships I see around me (besides my parents of course). Yes I did get that phone call but I was talking with my good friend at the gym tonight and told me she had a snap chat of her ex laying on a bed saying "wake me when its your birthday". This obviously is a big deal to me. Would I be stupid to still talk with her tomorrow. Does no one else find this unacceptable? My guess is she just reached out to me to see if I was still available before making a decision. Please shoot me some responses I could use some help right now.
erklat Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I have looked into my past to try and find out what could have caused this. My parents were good and are still together after 50 years. The only thing I can think of is all of the failing relationships I see around me (besides my parents of course). Yes I did get that phone call but I was talking with my good friend at the gym tonight and told me she had a snap chat of her ex laying on a bed saying "wake me when its your birthday". This obviously is a big deal to me. Would I be stupid to still talk with her tomorrow. Does no one else find this unacceptable? My guess is she just reached out to me to see if I was still available before making a decision. Please shoot me some responses I could use some help right now. Our stories are very similar and this time last year I would have given everything to be in your shoes. It will nnot work unless you solved the issues that wedged you apart. I was also jealous and I can pinpoint the cause - war, toxic family, I went to school in the immediate aaftermath when the conflict ended with other damaged children... Anyway, today I encourage my partner to go out have fun and communicate with other men and exes . It doesn't bother me because my single life is equal fulfilled and she knows it does not revolve around her. I get more value because I'm not clingy any longer and she will not find that amusing because she is encouraged to do so. If you have not evolved than it will not work. She is still texting around and you aresstill Jealous because such change ofppersonality can not be solved in time span so shor.
Author skies_the_limit Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 erklat, Hey man I appreciate the post I have been thinking about it all day knowing there is hope for me in the future with hard work. Can you give me some ideas that you used to start this process. I mean I realize what I am doing but making it happen is another thing. I'm thinking she is back with her ex and has not mentioned that talk that she wanted to have today. This is a perfect time for me to figure out how to get through this jealousy issue so I wont ruin something really good in the future. Any advice would be awesome.
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