Omega87 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 months now. She's a bit of a loose cannon and very open about sex, etc. As in, she'll openly talk about it, she'll have conversations that make most people uncomfortable. She is a very sexual person. She is a bit wild, we both like to party together, and we've both come from previous relationships where we've felt very restrained. I knew what this girl was like when I met her, and I embraced that. I haven't ever tried to change her and at times she can make things a bit uncomfortable but most of the time I'm having fun with it. For Christmas I bought her a trip to Vegas to see one of her favourite R&B singers. It was a big gift, she was shocked and has been bubbling with excitement ever since. I haven't been to Vegas yet so I figured it'd be a cool opportunity to check it out myself. Anyways, here's the issue, the show is at a club, and she has now become adamant that she needs to wear a see through top with no bra as her outfit. She came from a relationship where her ex made her dress in boys clothes to go to clubs and I've never had an issue with anything she has wanted to wear, she's a sexy girl and she should dress sexy, but this to me is crossing a line. She says its the the "style". Think Rihanna and that dress. I've told her that I'd rather her not show her tits to everyone at the club, and there are many sexy outfits she could wear. She has replied with things like "You won't let me be me". I'm never going to say no she can't do something, I don't have rules, I just told her I wouldn't be happy about it. All she heard was that she's allowed to do it. I feel kind of stomped on here. Like she's treating me like I'm as bad as her ex, when I'm not at all. She can do what she wants, if she dresses sexy and goes to a club without me that's fine. I just feel like this is crossing a line, I feel like bringing my girl to a club where she's showing her boobs to everyone will make me look like the weak a-hole who allows his gf to show her boobs to every guy in Vegas. Plus it feels really disrespectful, the only reason she's going is because I bought this trip for her, and suddenly she's acting like I'm going to ruin her moment or something. WTF. Am I being unreasonable here? I feel like I'm being totally reasonable.
Eighty_nine Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 No, you're not being unreasonable at all. 2
SunnySide0418 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 months now. She's a bit of a loose cannon and very open about sex, etc. As in, she'll openly talk about it, she'll have conversations that make most people uncomfortable. She is a very sexual person. She is a bit wild, we both like to party together, and we've both come from previous relationships where we've felt very restrained. I knew what this girl was like when I met her, and I embraced that. I haven't ever tried to change her and at times she can make things a bit uncomfortable but most of the time I'm having fun with it. For Christmas I bought her a trip to Vegas to see one of her favourite R&B singers. It was a big gift, she was shocked and has been bubbling with excitement ever since. I haven't been to Vegas yet so I figured it'd be a cool opportunity to check it out myself. Anyways, here's the issue, the show is at a club, and she has now become adamant that she needs to wear a see through top with no bra as her outfit. She came from a relationship where her ex made her dress in boys clothes to go to clubs and I've never had an issue with anything she has wanted to wear, she's a sexy girl and she should dress sexy, but this to me is crossing a line. She says its the the "style". Think Rihanna and that dress. I've told her that I'd rather her not show her tits to everyone at the club, and there are many sexy outfits she could wear. She has replied with things like "You won't let me be me". I'm never going to say no she can't do something, I don't have rules, I just told her I wouldn't be happy about it. All she heard was that she's allowed to do it. I feel kind of stomped on here. Like she's treating me like I'm as bad as her ex, when I'm not at all. She can do what she wants, if she dresses sexy and goes to a club without me that's fine. I just feel like this is crossing a line, I feel like bringing my girl to a club where she's showing her boobs to everyone will make me look like the weak a-hole who allows his gf to show her boobs to every guy in Vegas. Plus it feels really disrespectful, the only reason she's going is because I bought this trip for her, and suddenly she's acting like I'm going to ruin her moment or something. WTF. Am I being unreasonable here? I feel like I'm being totally reasonable. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think it is disrespectfulk to you for her to want to wear something like that. BUT it's her body and she can wear what she wants. It's up to you to decide if you want to be with a girl like her. 3
Eighty_nine Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Even aside from the fact that she's your girlfriend and you'd prefer other guys not see her tits, it's just uncomfortable. I don't think I'd go out into public with a female friend dressed like that... it'd be embarrassing. I feel like she's testing you for some reason. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I'm unwilling to sign-off on your side so quickly. For if this is a setting wherein significant numbers of other females of similar age are going to be wearing similar stuff, then your case is weakened, and it treads near to trying to control what your girlfriend wears. Furthermore, you describe "a see-through top with no bra" without elaborating. Would such an outfit be street-legal? Or are there pasties which you're not telling us about, for dramatic effect? It's like those (people) on the streets you see with their pants belted at or about mid-thigh... IF they have t-shirts and underwear fully obscuring their private area then the burden is on the viewer to get used to it, and not on their mothers to somehow alter the way they dress. Now ask yourself why you have consented to enter a battle which you can not win... with your best outcome being to avoid losing. A more practical game plan would be to say nothing... (while still having those same best- and worst-case scenarios). Furthermore, your inclusion of her being a loose cannon and talking about sex, to try to strengthen your position, is absurd. It would be akin to my having mentioned anything about how relatively endowed might be any of those mentioned above with regard to the pants belted at mid-thigh. You are trying to justify your controlling what your girlfriend wears and it is further made clear by your inappropriate and irrelevant reach for something totally unrelated. Exactly what do her conversational tendencies have to do with her attire? PS - When most of us see the girl showing her boobs to everyone with her male partner by her side, we don't tend to see the weak a-hole persona. Indeed he tends to seem a little different, but unless he is dressed like an accountant and holding a briefcase while sporting a haircut suited for a mid-40's businessman... then "weak a-hole" just doesn't figure. More typically, it's a guy whose haircut mirrors that of the front men of bad 1970's rock bands, and seemingly of a mindset where he would never fathom anyone perceiving him a "weak a-hole"... and who would be oblivious to anyone so doing.
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Needless to say, she is causing up quite the stir over a trip that is a gift from you to her to see this concert. Please tell me she is under the age of 25. 1
preraph Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I'm extremely liberal about a woman wearing what she wants to wear and slutting out if that's what she wants to do -- but why any woman would want to do that and then drag a date with them is beyond me. Your girlfriend is excessive and lacking in boundaries. You might remind her that Rihanna also set a very bad example by reconciling and again performing with the man who beat her up, knowing that millions and millions of girls and boys would be influenced by her decision to forgive and forget violent abuse. So it's not like Rihanna has the best boundaries either. And no, I'm not blaming the victim. She is still quite young, but I'm sure all of her advisers except those profiting form her ex's music career would have adamantly counseled her not to do that. You might also remind her that Rihanna doesn't have an ounce of fat anywhere and firm, not floppy boobs, and tight everything. No, maybe you should skip that, but I would hope one of her girlfriends (if she HAS any since she's like this) would set her straight on that. You should not agree for her to go see-through out in public with you. She very well may not be admitted to into the venue because of it and would cost you a load of money. I think now you have some insight into that maybe her "controlling" ex was simply embarrassed by her lack of propriety and maybe not so out of the ordinary and that she may be the one who lacks boundaries or thinks she has to show as much as possible to get as much attention as she wants, which can be a red flag for everything from low self-esteem to outright narcissism and attention-grabbing. Proceed with caution. Good luck. 1
CarrieT Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Since you can't control her and she is adamant, let her do it. You might find the repercussions from OTHERS who will see her will be sufficient to dissuade this type of action in the future. As she is walking the town dressed this way, she will get propositioned as a working girl, stared at with disgust or disdain, or have comments spewed at her. You may also be the subject of comments like, "how much did you pay for her for the night?" Let those roll off your back; be the duck in the water and don't let it affect you. You can have a personal "I told you so moment" but - whatever you do - don't say it or rub it in her face. She'll get it and then you can offer to take her back to the room to change into something more appropriate. Look upon it as an interesting social experiment. It won't ruin your life but it may tell you much about your girlfriend and any possible longevity your relationship will have depending on how the evening goes - or backfires. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 As another woman...No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. She is skating a fine line between liberal and inappropriate. You can't ultimately tell her what to wear; all you can do is decide if you are comfortable with her boundaries and whether or not you can tolerate/support that in your relationship. You say she makes others uncomfortable - what does she say? Does she realize it's inappropriate? 2
LostOnes05 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Who is she advertising for if she wants to wear that? Definitely not you. There is a line between looking good and looking like you should be giving a guy with a velvet suit and cape the money you made. This is the type of girl that will want you to fight some guy that makes an inappropriate comment at every club. I'd tell her again that it would bother me if she wore that out to a club. You have to stand your ground and tell her. If not, you'll get the "you're holding me back" talk all the time and even worse. Next thing you know, she'll be taking overnight trips with exes and saying "why won't you let me be me?". Stop it now or get the popcorn ready for the avalanche. 1
Satu Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Her exhibitionism, and disinterest in your feelings suggest that she may be a Narcissist.
todreaminblue Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Your gf should care more about how you feel on what she wears....I dont think you are in any way unreasonable for wanting her to wear something more appropriate....you can be yourself in a relationship but that also takes into consideration the other half....and their feelings...she shows none of the above.....i don't think its harmless at all to either of you.....i see issues.....probably the way she gets treated she would want you to defend her honor.....so it could be a test....with that in mind....I have to ask how old she is.......deb 1
Jules Dash Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 You have to either accept these sort of women for who they are or don't. My ex was very similar and likely a lot more wild than your GF. When we went to Vegas, I let her be her and I was a willing participant. It was one of the best trips of my life. No one will probably ever beat her in the things she did while in Vegas... All I am saying is just have an open mind and it is a losing battle to show opposition to her "wanting to be her." Either she is what you want her to be or not. Either you accept who she is or not. I say grab a cigar and walk around town with her proudly on your arm if she is as sexy as you say she is. If this is uncomfortable to you, don't participate.
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