SparklingandBroken Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 So, dating around this time of year is awkward. I didn't know if I should get a gift for the guy I was dating or if it was too soon, or how much I should spend. We're both in kind of tough spots financially, so I was kinda hoping it would just be a small token if anything. About a week before Christmas, my guy says randomly "we're exclusive and I consider you my girlfriend..." Ok, so I order him something small because bf/gf get each other gifts, right?! At least that's how it was when I dated 8 years ago haha. He came over day after Christmas...nothing. No big deal. The next day he leaves my house to go to best buy and get the brand new ps4. $350. Asks if he can come back to download a game, because my internet is faster than his. Sure. I guess I don't know what the point of this is, or how I should feel--but I have to admit that I'm a little annoyed by this. He JUST started a new job. Defaulted on his student loans and car payments when his business went under earlier this year. Is staying with family, and was wanting to borrow money from his brother to sort his car situation out. BUT HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A NEW GAMING SYSTEM. Huh?! He's 30! Maybe I was just raised entirely different, but if you can't handle your basic ****, you certainly don't go out to buy unnecessary junk! And you damn well don't ask for help if you're not even trying to help yourself. I'm put off by this. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Are my expectations too high for a 30 year old? I didn't say anything to him other than "even though you just started your job?" When he said he'd be going to buy the ps4. I can't figure out how I feel about him--sometimes he makes me swoon, and other times he reminds me too much of my ex with the impulsive/ADD behaviors.
WonderWoman911 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Yes, he definitely doesn't have his priorities in order.He's 30 years old and living with his family. Seems to me like he just wants to munch off of people. I hope you won't allow yourself to be the next one he chooses.Since he bought himself a PS4 for Christmas, Im curious to know what he bought for you? But no, you're not being unreasonable for feeling the way you are. 1
Author SparklingandBroken Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Yes, he definitely doesn't have his priorities in order.He's 30 years old and living with his family. Seems to me like he just wants to munch off of people. I hope you won't allow yourself to be the next one he chooses.Since he bought himself a PS4 for Christmas, Im curious to know what he bought for you? But no, you're not being unreasonable for feeling the way you are. It would seem that he didn't even think about buying me anything. Which is really more about the principle than actually wanting anything from him at this point. I am starting to wonder if he's a mooch, too.
CC12 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Im curious to know what he bought for you? OP mentioned it: ...nothing. But yeah, OP, boyfriends/girlfriends typically get each other gifts, unless you mutually agree not to do it beforehand or something. It's funny to me that he didn't wait until after Christmas to have the exclusivity talk, since he clearly wasn't planning on giving you a gift. A week before Christmas seems like a strange time to have that talk, by the way. Just curious, why do you think he chose to do it then? Anyway, I'm not necessarily begrudging him of buying himself a toy. I would hope, though, that he had saved up for it and that this was his one entertainment-type purchase for a long while. Or maybe he bought it with gift cards he got for Christmas? It does seem like he might be bad with money, though. It's clear that he doesn't have the same ideas that you do about gift-giving. I found it off-putting that he was pretty much like, "I didn't give my girlfriend a gift on a major gift-giving holiday, but I bought myself a gift immediately afterward and then rubbed it in her face quite a bit." And if you gave him a gift, I wonder why it didn't occur to him to pick you up something when he went to Best Buy, and give it to you, saying "Heh, woops, didn't know we were exchanging gifts" or "Sorry, I didn't have time to shop before Christmas" or something. Not sure if that's selfishness on his part, or he just doesn't "get" gifts, or what. I think you should try to kind of subtly poke around for his motivation here, because there could be an understandable reason for this, or it could be a major reflection of his personality and how stingy/ungenerous/unfair he might be.
newlyborn Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 It would seem that he didn't even think about buying me anything. Which is really more about the principle than actually wanting anything from him at this point. I am starting to wonder if he's a mooch, too. is this the guy who was living with his grandma? or a new one?
Author SparklingandBroken Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 is this the guy who was living with his grandma? or a new one? Yes it is
newlyborn Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Yes it is i see. well, maybe money and responsibility continue to be serious challenges for him.
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