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my therapist called and told me this will be our last session

misty12

By misty12
in General Relationship Discussion

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misty12 Established Member

misty12

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She told me she is suffering from an incurable lung condition that will progress. She is dying. She was more than a therapist to me, she was like my life coach. She partially filled a void left by my mother who died. We often texted in between sessions about silly things. She has helped me so much with my marital issues and made such an impact on me and the kind of person I want to strive to be. Not sure why I'm even posting this but just needed someone to listen (or read).

 

I sent her a text this morning wanting more information about her condition so I can understand what is happening. She texted back she could no longer communicate with me, she needed to detach. I cried. I don't think I could start seeing another counselor. I couldn't start over from the beginning again. It seems so crazy that the one person who I could totally, completely be open with is gone from my life.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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You know, I often ask myself if the rise in people seeking therapy is cuz of some kind of breakdown in our community and/or family structures.

 

I mean, wasn't their a time you went to the "wise o'l person" in the community and/or your parents or grandparents for advice about life?

 

Anywho, IMO, therapists are to like aid you to cross a bridge...once you cross it, their job is done. I think your therapist is doing you a favor by trying to get you to spread your wings and fly.

 

Maybe what you need is a close personal friend/family member rather than a therapist?

  • Like 5
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
She told me she is suffering from an incurable lung condition that will progress. She is dying. She was more than a therapist to me, she was like my life coach. She partially filled a void left by my mother who died. We often texted in between sessions about silly things. She has helped me so much with my marital issues and made such an impact on me and the kind of person I want to strive to be. Not sure why I'm even posting this but just needed someone to listen (or read).

 

I sent her a text this morning wanting more information about her condition so I can understand what is happening. She texted back she could no longer communicate with me, she needed to detach. I cried. I don't think I could start seeing another counselor. I couldn't start over from the beginning again. It seems so crazy that the one person who I could totally, completely be open with is gone from my life.

 

Very sad news and I'm sorry that you're losing your therapist. Hugs to you and I hope she doesn't suffer.

 

Journal for now and when you feel ready then find another therapist to talk to. it won't ever be the same but it could be just as helpful with someone else.

  • Like 3
pie2 Established Member

pie2

Posted
Posted

Sorry you're going through this, Misty. It's sad to lose anyone we're close to, but even more difficult if you can't even really say goodbye. I wonder if it would help if you could have your own goodbye? Some sort of ceremony marking the end of the therapist/client relationship? That might help you to accept the inevitable and move forward.

 

If you don't have any immediate, life-threatening concerns of your own, it seems like there's no pressure to find a new therapist right away. Could you get by with what you've learned from your current therapist for the time being? I would imagine it would be hard to switch to a new therapist right away under these circumstances.

Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted
You know, I often ask myself if the rise in people seeking therapy is cuz of some kind of breakdown in our community and/or family structures.

 

I mean, wasn't their a time you went to the "wise o'l person" in the community and/or your parents or grandparents for advice about life?

 

Anywho, IMO, therapists are to like aid you to cross a bridge...once you cross it, their job is done. I think your therapist is doing you a favor by trying to get you to spread your wings and fly.

 

Maybe what you need is a close personal friend/family member rather than a therapist?

 

That, and to some they are rent-a-friend.

  • Like 1
cif Established Member

cif

Posted
Posted

She told you after your session so you're unable to talk about it during the session? Then cut you off without a second thought? How incredibly selfish of her.

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

Posted
Posted
She told you after your session so you're unable to talk about it during the session? Then cut you off without a second thought? How incredibly selfish of her.

 

Well, I'm a therapist (not currently practicing though), and this is what we're trained to do. I don't necessarily agree with it though and would probably never be able to do it myself.

 

So sorry, Misty :(

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted
She told you after your session so you're unable to talk about it during the session? Then cut you off without a second thought? How incredibly selfish of her.

I agree with this.

 

Well, I'm a therapist (not currently practicing though), and this is what we're trained to do.

Yes, but as a therapist, wouldn't there also be a responsibility to at least offer a referral to another therapist or take steps to assist in the transition of a case to a new caretaker?

 

Any responsible person in the health-care industry wouldn't just drop a client. My husband is a doctor and if he can't help a patient, he at least makes a referral to another doctor.

 

The OP's therapist - although dealing with something really horrible - would have some resources of other professionals dealing with alcohol/PTSD/child abuse/family counseling, etc., that should be able to step in. That nothing like that was offered is suspicious.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I think it's strange she didn't refer you to a doctor who would take over her appointments, but when you find you have an incurable disease, everthing else falls to the wayside and you can't deal with anything else. She undoubtedly has family to worry about. So yes, she has to go now. Don't give up! Just go get another.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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While she probably won't disclose much more about her personal business / condition to you because to do so would be unprofessional (in therapy sharing is one way patient to therapist) she should have given you more notice & set up something to transition you to a new therapist.

 

 

Don't try to go through this on your own.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
Posted

Therapy, just like mood altering pharmaceuticals, isn't meant to go on forever. Just a few weeks or months. Therapy is supposed to help you make better decisions and gain insight into your choices so you can live your life.

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misty12 Established Member

misty12

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Thanks all. She informed me about 15 minutes through our last session. I was really surprised she didn't give me any notice, but she did say repeatedly she was worried about me and how I would fare moving forward. She did offer to refer me to someone new if I wanted. I think she felt I started using her as a crutch for decision-making, and in some ways she was right. She said I needed to start trusting my own feelings and decisions.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
Thanks all. She informed me about 15 minutes through our last session. I was really surprised she didn't give me any notice, but she did say repeatedly she was worried about me and how I would fare moving forward. She did offer to refer me to someone new if I wanted. I think she felt I started using her as a crutch for decision-making, and in some ways she was right. She said I needed to start trusting my own feelings and decisions.

 

So she did actually notify you face to face which is the correct thing to do and also offered to help to refer you to someone new which again was the correct thing to do. Therefore she has done exactly all that she should have to do for you.

 

As for giving you notice, I'm sorry but the woman has just found out that she is dying. She really does have other priorities in her life right now like spending time with her family and other loved ones. She is also probably not in the best state to provide therapy to anyone as she deals with what is happening to her. I think you actually need to show some consideration for her feelings and what is happening to her rather than being so down on her for inconveniencing you with her imminent death. :mad:

  • Like 2
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
Thanks all. She informed me about 15 minutes through our last session. I was really surprised she didn't give me any notice, but she did say repeatedly she was worried about me and how I would fare moving forward. She did offer to refer me to someone new if I wanted. I think she felt I started using her as a crutch for decision-making, and in some ways she was right. She said I needed to start trusting my own feelings and decisions.

 

Focus on the positives - She has been a guardian angel to you! You now have the tools and insight from what you learned from her, you do have the confidence and you do need to trust and have faith in yourself.

 

Don't be afraid to find someone else...it is possible that she took you as far as you could go with her and talking to someone else will take you to the next level and push you where you need to be pushed.

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