How do I do NC when i have shared care of my children?

[avidtraveller]

Hi, my wife and soul mate of 22yrs left 4 yrs ago and divorced me last year. She suffered 3 miscarriages, 1st baby born 3 months prem and she nearly died - was 2 days before she could see him. She was very vulnerable and suffered separation anxiety especially when both kids started school. She admitted in confidential mediation that she left and took the children and hid from me so that it would force me into doing the changes she wanted meto do (she was caught up in extreme churches at the time and held odd ideaswhich I questioned and encouraged her out of - that's when they rallied against me and helped her leave suddenly when I was away on business). Her family and friends said she was acting odd and refused to talk to them about us. I had no option but to goto court to get recovery of my children. She slowly moved out of and away from those churches and as she did, said she wanted to discuss reconciliation. I couldn't afford to trust her as that required ending court proceedings. My children were pleading with me to have a week with me and aweek with mum. I saw no reason not to fight for that. We agreed to wait until court was over and then return to mediation to discuss any possible reconciliation. However, the trial went very badly for her, because at the beginning, 3 yrs ago, she made some very serious and hurtful allegations against me, saying I had severely abused both her and the children over many years. At no stage did she retract this. In confidential mediation she said she did this as she feared losing any more time with the children (her separation anxiety). She admitted at trial to being reckless with the truth and apologisedfor the hurt she caused. She was berated by the Judge, the children were ordered to spend shared equal time with us (everything she didn’t want to have happen) and I know this hurt her badly. Very soon after she divorced me, refusing any further mediation to discuss us. I presumed this was a reaction to her anger of the Judgement and thought I’d let the dust settle before talking reconciliation. I was prepared to forgive her hurtful comments as I loved and still do love her so much, as she was in a bad mental state at the time and taken advantage of by evil ppl. She continued to tell the children she wanted mum and dad to talk about getting back togetherbut then just a few weeks ago it became apparent she has repartnered. This has shocked both the children and myself. The kids feel betrayed and angry. As do I. I now realise that it’s all over and I’m 4 yrs behind grieving. I am devastated at being dumped and that she has left the churches that caused most of our issues in the 1st place. Naturally she has every right to move on, but to promise for so long but then suddenly cut that hope off, denying wanting any other partner but suddenly confronted with one (who she has been‘friendly’ with as a work colleague ‘only’ for several months) has left mefeeling humiliated, used, embarrassed and in a pit of despair. I need NC to getover this as quickly as possible but how can I do that when I have shared equaltime with my children each other week which requires high levels of communication and seing each other at sporting functions, school events etc. almost every week. In fact she comes over an sits with me, even saved seats forme so the children culd at least be at these functions with both parents. How do I treat that from now on? Stand the other side of the room alone? Or split one child up for each? Please help me heal fast. This feelng is just awful.

Edited December 31, 2014 by avidtraveller
separate out joined words - added spaces only

[d0nnivain]

You don't get NC when kids are involved.

 

 

At best you get limited contact where you only talk about the kids & what's best for them.