cleo83 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Hi Guys I m 31 years old , Indian Origin , Dated a guy for 6 months. We met everyday and did things together - we were runners , liked to try new places, cooking together. We were public with our affections and our friends knew about us and thought we would get married. After 6 months I asked him where we were and he broke up with me saying although he likes me, he is not there to get married. He never discussed anything with me and brought all my gifts to him that same time. I feel crushed about how he was able to cut off without discussing it with me and I can see he s trying to move on immediately. We never had any arguments or incompatibilities. I keep thinking if he ever meant anything he said or felt i was important to him ever. I know time will heal but I feel i couldnt have predicted this and I did nothing to provoke this. How can I make sure I protect myself against men like him.
jackny123 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Hi, It sounds like he just didn't want to be with you long term. Sometimes in life, relationships, dating and people don't work out. The "friends said we would get married" is just people filling your head with positive thoughts and emotions because that's what friends do. I dated a girl for 1.5 years, we had little issues, and then one day she just called it off and said she didn't want to talk to me anymore or be with me. Life happens. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get out there. Delete or block him on social media. Don't try to contact him or look at his photos. You are a unique individual and you have a lot to offer the world and a new partner. You'll find one in time. Good luck! 2
Satu Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 He has proved himself to be unsuitable as a boyfriend or marriage partner for you. See it that way. You will meet someone who is suitable for you, and when you look back you will be glad that this man went away.
Assada Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 from the sound of it, it seems you were hounding him for marriage. So how do you protect yourself from this? Dont hound people for marriage
Sanman Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 It sounds like he meant what he said. When I was dating, I generally followed a 6 moth rule as well. If I dated the person for 6 mtha and could not see a real future with them, it was time to break up. There was,no need to waste my time or the time of a person that is looking for something more and can f one it with someone else. It sounds like you were more interested in a future with him and happier in the relationship than he was. At least he chose not to keep stringing you along when you confronted him with your feelings. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Hi Guys I m 31 years old , Indian Origin , Dated a guy for 6 months. We met everyday and did things together - we were runners , liked to try new places, cooking together. We were public with our affections and our friends knew about us and thought we would get married. After 6 months I asked him where we were and he broke up with me saying although he likes me, he is not there to get married. He never discussed anything with me and brought all my gifts to him that same time. I feel crushed about how he was able to cut off without discussing it with me and I can see he s trying to move on immediately. We never had any arguments or incompatibilities. I keep thinking if he ever meant anything he said or felt i was important to him ever. I know time will heal but I feel i couldnt have predicted this and I did nothing to provoke this. How can I make sure I protect myself against men like him. At some point early in the dating process, there should be a casual, general discussion about what each person is looking for in their dating experiences. Know this upfront will help prevent this kind of thing from happening. You will know whether or not the other person is looking for marriage or a serious long term relationship. If you want that and the other person says they aren't looking for that, then you move on before you get hurt. However, this could be a case where for instance, say in the first few months that person was thinking you could be the "one" for them, but over time "saw" more of you and simply wasn't feeling it anymore. It happens. This is part of the dating process and the reason for not having high expectations for a relationship during the first year, at least. A couple needs to be on the same page for the long run before it gets too far down the road. He didn't do anything wrong. It appeared to him that you were happy with the situation the way it was. Communication is key to developing a potential relationship and well into the process. 1
Author cleo83 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Dear RedHead I completely agree with your advice about not having high expectations in the beginning of the relationship. I think it s hard to keep ground in the initial stage when we re very excited. I will definitely keep that in mind in the future. As far as communication was concerned, i noticed early on that my Ex was very quiet and showed his affection through actions and not in words. We did speak after a couple of weeks of dating that we wanted to be exclusive and it was he who suggested that we tell our parents about it two months later. Its past now, and I am slowly healing. Every month I was with him I would ask what he thought of the relationship and if we were going good long term. I had to take initiative since he never spoke about it. And he would always agree and say we were good. He knew exactly how I felt since i vocalized it and I was happy with how he expressed himself - not through words but through actions. I think what affected me the most is how he was able to cut off coldly without any explanation or fights or understanding. I am happy its done with. I have been speaking to my friends who have been my support and everyone s response here.
coolheadal Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Sounds like he was more a friend guy then a BF. You did things together but was there any love? Did he tell you he had loved you? The communication wasn't there from the start and to the end you were surprise he moved on so fast. He might have not like something you said or did. More like he was only there when you had needed him to be. You'll never know now. What to watch out next time is to really communicate much more than you did. Otherwise never assume things are going smoothly. We all think this way and forget, just a simple question an answer would tell you the entire picture. 1
johndo1984 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 At some point early in the dating process, there should be a casual, general discussion about what each person is looking for in their dating experiences. Know this upfront will help prevent this kind of thing from happening. You will know whether or not the other person is looking for marriage or a serious long term relationship. If you want that and the other person says they aren't looking for that, then you move on before you get hurt. However, this could be a case where for instance, say in the first few months that person was thinking you could be the "one" for them, but over time "saw" more of you and simply wasn't feeling it anymore. It happens. This is part of the dating process and the reason for not having high expectations for a relationship during the first year, at least. A couple needs to be on the same page for the long run before it gets too far down the road. He didn't do anything wrong. It appeared to him that you were happy with the situation the way it was. Communication is key to developing a potential relationship and well into the process. I'm agree, my ex and I had a discussion about where we want our dating to be. We decided want to be in a serious relationship if that happen. Suddenly she called it off yesterday. Yes yesterday. I were having high expectations, but I shouldn't. Never have high expectation period. 1
johndo1984 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Dear RedHead I completely agree with your advice about not having high expectations in the beginning of the relationship. I think it s hard to keep ground in the initial stage when we re very excited. I will definitely keep that in mind in the future. As far as communication was concerned, i noticed early on that my Ex was very quiet and showed his affection through actions and not in words. We did speak after a couple of weeks of dating that we wanted to be exclusive and it was he who suggested that we tell our parents about it two months later. Its past now, and I am slowly healing. Every month I was with him I would ask what he thought of the relationship and if we were going good long term. I had to take initiative since he never spoke about it. And he would always agree and say we were good. He knew exactly how I felt since i vocalized it and I was happy with how he expressed himself - not through words but through actions. I think what affected me the most is how he was able to cut off coldly without any explanation or fights or understanding. I am happy its done with. I have been speaking to my friends who have been my support and everyone s response here. You have my support too, I were in you exactly same shoe. We were good in the beginning than suddenly it went down high. I ask her is she happy with us, etc. She said like it and enjoyed it. I think everything is great but I were wrong. Our communication in beginning mwere great, 2 hr talks turn into 10 min. Communication is the key to a good start, lack of communication mostly will turn bad.
chphan Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Hi, It sounds like he just didn't want to be with you long term. Sometimes in life, relationships, dating and people don't work out. The "friends said we would get married" is just people filling your head with positive thoughts and emotions because that's what friends do. I dated a girl for 1.5 years, we had little issues, and then one day she just called it off and said she didn't want to talk to me anymore or be with me. Life happens. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get out there. Delete or block him on social media. Don't try to contact him or look at his photos. You are a unique individual and you have a lot to offer the world and a new partner. You'll find one in time. Good luck! One of the best advice right here. People need to take note more when things don't go their way instead of constantly dwelling on the what ifs and whys. Sometimes things just happen and best to just move on instead of sitting around and moping and not accepting the truth. 1
Author cleo83 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Hi Folks Its been two months since the breakup. I m doing so much better and seeing things as they were now Not dating anyone yet but keeping myself happy and healthy - Working out and baking cakes and decorating them keep me busy and sane. Couple of things i learnt in this process 1. Listen to my gut - There definitely were signs of incompatibility and I chose to ignore them. Instead I loved being in a relationship not necessarily him. 2. I am a very emotional and romantic person. I need to tone that down a little. I dont know how , I m mostly a very logical person but I think with time and getting old, I became desperate. This added a lot of pressure. So Just chill. 3. While in the relationship, I put my plans of travel on hold. I will never do that again. 4. Some positive things I did do in this relationship that was absent in the previous ones were - a. I was more independent. I did my own thing, hung out with my girlfriends. b. I handled money issues well. c. I was not clingy, didn't rely on my bf to make decisions for me. We were equals. I m happy I was able to do these things in the relationship. d. I was communicative and asked relevant questions about the relationship. 5. In the future I d like to date someone who has more experience dating. The last guy was in his 30's but never dated. Hence some of his behavior was immature. 6. My ex was too concerned about how he looked - got his eyebrows done , facials , wasnt good with mechanical things. I didnt know that it was putoff for me until then. I m pretty good at putting things together. Dont want a pretty boy. 7. Within a month, i was cooking and cleaning up after my ex. Too much Too soon. He wasn't vested enough and I felt he was nt proud of me and my achievements. 8. Guys say anything to get what they want and stay till its convenient for them. Best to test their genuineness rather than blindly believing them. 9. Just coz the guy's got a sister doesnt mean he s doing to treat u well. Just coz he s close to his family doesnt mean he will always extend that affection to u. Just coz he introduces u to the family doesnt mean anything till he says something conclusive in his own words. -- Bottom line is dont imagine things and add value to things that do not exist. 10. I was unnecessarily emotionally attached to him within a very small period of time - 4 months. I dont know what i did that - but i am conscious of it and hopefully i dont do that in the future.
Recommended Posts