Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 I'd say it's probably too late for this one. Good news is, she DID like you in the beginning. She wouldn't have gone anywhere with you after the game if she wasn't feeling it. So you are likable to pretty, interesting women; you just have to make some adjustments... Do NOT compliment too much. We like the mystery- does he think I'm attractive, interesting, funny? I'm not saying hold back 100%. A comment like "you're so funny" or "you look great" is perfectly acceptable and in fact, you should say something like that. But what stood out for me in this thread was you said you complimented too much- believe it or not, that can be a huge turn off. It shows lack of confidence because it's like instead of winning us over with your charm and conversation, you're trying to win us over with compliments. Secondly, it does sound like you drank too much, but unless you made some kind of obvious scene, you should not have apologized to her. You could've possibly made a joke "Didn't feel great this morning, probably overdid it with the booze, haha" or something, but I would never ever follow up a first date with an apology about anything she didn't express that she was bothered by. Again, it makes you look sort of weak, not confident. We like the mystery in the beginning. Once you have our interest, you're good. But those first few dates it's key to appear very sure of yourself. And too many texts is again, a big no no. My current bf texted me every other day-ish in the very beginning. Not hearing from him constantly caused me to feel SO excited when I got a message from him. Since she's liking your posts on instagram, I wouldn't say she's 100% uninterested yet... but you need to give her space. I wouldn't contact her for at least two days and then when you do, be very light, casual, breezy. Whatever you do- no more apologies or compliments. I really do appreciate the advice! Makes sense to me. One thing we connected on was our love for the smashing pumpkins. She just made an Instagram post about how she hates the new album. I'd like to give my two cents but I also think I should let it be. It's like she's leaving something for me to react to tho....
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 I understand that you feel bad and it is probably the mystery that had you hooked on this girl. It's nice for both sexes to meet someone who seems "normal" and isn't clingy or needy and all of that. There's absolutely no confusion here - she's not interested. Please don't delude yourself like some do. It really sounds like she friend zoned you and that's the only reason why she likes a picture/follows you on instagram. She's not perfect. No one is. I never got that love I needed to fill me up from a romantic relationship because the other person couldn't define me. What if there would've been drama with her child's father? Or something else down the line. People can change out of nowhere. Being properly honest with yourself, what if anything, would you do differently? I wouldn't have taken any shots. The other stuff is just me as a person, but I guess i need to relearn the tricks of dating such as ignoring and being a jerk I guess.
preraph Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 She told you it was the mass of texts that put her off, so look no further. With a child, she wouldn't be able to get into the habit if texting routinely. So lay off the texts entirely. She sounds like she's done, unfortunately, but since she did like something, maybe if you just lay off the texts and only text to ask her to something there's at least a chance. Don't ever send texts just to chat. She doesn't like it. Odd, since she did it too at first, but that was to get to the point she felt she could trust you to go out with.
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 She told you it was the mass of texts that put her off, so look no further. With a child, she wouldn't be able to get into the habit if texting routinely. So lay off the texts entirely. She sounds like she's done, unfortunately, but since she did like something, maybe if you just lay off the texts and only text to ask her to something there's at least a chance. Don't ever send texts just to chat. She doesn't like it. Odd, since she did it too at first, but that was to get to the point she felt she could trust you to go out with. Yeah I can tell it's pretty much done. I haven't texted her since Monday morning. just waiting for it to fizzle out and until she eventually unfollows me on Instagram. I'm kinda just wishing she could have been a little more honest. A few more texts can't drive a girl to complete "I'm done!" But guess you gotta play the stupid game.
preraph Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The combination of OLD and texting is problematic because you have to have a rash of texts to see if you want to go out with each other, but then that sets kind of a precedent, but to continue texting all the time once you are seeing each other reeks of desperation and from a practical standpoint is self-defeating since if you say everything in text, what's left to talk about in person? Plus it's a time-suck for busy people. But I do understand it's a tricky situation making the transition. Her first step is telling you she doesn't want to text a lot. That would apply whether you did or didn't continue to see each other.
Recommended Posts