spaceboy409 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 So I met this really awesome girl off tinder. We talked for over a week before I asked for her number. I then waited a day to text her. When I did she seemed so excited to hear from me. Immediately we had great conversation and texted all day through out the next 4 days. On Saturday I offered her a ticket to an NBA basketball game. Day of the date I informed her I didnt have a car and she responded so awesome and cool about it. I live downtown so public transport is easy but anyway the game went great! We barely watched the game cuz we talked and laughed so much. After we went to a concert she expressed interest in earlier in the day. Once again everything was great and I felt so lucky cuz she was so pretty and interesting. I started having too much fun and probably got too drunk. After the concert she dropped me off. The next day I apologized for getting too intoxicated. She laughed and said it was okay. Then she was so distant...I asked her what color the record I bought her was which she "read" according to her phone. I figured no big deal but then two hours went by with no response. It just wasn't like her. I asked if she was busy to no response again yet she "read" it. At this point I'm feeling terrible cuz I really had high hopes for her. She eventually said my "mass" of texts made her uninterested. She does have a child which I should mention. But before she was never too busy to send a 5 second text... What did I do wrong? I dunno why but I'm very bummed. We don't text at all now yet she liked an Instagram pic of mine yesterday. I'm so confused!
JohnM Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Too intense too soon perhaps. Keep it breezy. Don't text for a day or so. Then ask a breezy oorn question. If a thread starts then keep it simple and don't have rapid conversations. See how that goes. She doesn't want upkeep so early. 2
LifeGoesOnMan Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I started having too much fun and probably got too drunk. explain... 1
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 explain... Basically just started taking shots. Very overly excited. I probably complimented too much. I'm a very sweet drunk person when I'm having a good time.
BlueIris Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Basically just started taking shots. Very overly excited. I probably complimented too much. I'm a very sweet drunk person when I'm having a good time. I wouldn't do that again. Being with a drunk person requires care-taking, it's often boring because drunk people aren't very mentally sharp, and your perceptions of what happened and how well things went probably aren't accurate when drunk. 4
Frivolous Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 She eventually said my "mass" of texts made her uninterested. "I probably complimented too much" Pretty much answered your own question. Been there, done it and got the "too keen" t-shirt. 2
Jules Dash Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Did you eat well before drinking? This always a good idea before you go for a drink on the date otherwise, that alcohol can hit you out of no where. Well, she told you that the mass of texts made her uninterested. Why are you confused? It sounds like she put in plain English. Texting has been a gift and a curse when it comes to dating. Since it is so easy to reach out, it can be just as easy to abuse texting. Hey, you'll get the next one. 1
DancinBallerina Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Drinking + mass messaging = uninterested! Move on. . . 1
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 What you did wrong was drink too much. She may have the impression that is all you do. Also if she was driving she wasn't drinking as much as you (I hope). When you are sober like she was, drunk people are not that much fun to be around. Wait a few days then ask her out on an alcohol free date. On a date it's always a good idea to drink at the same pace or less than the other person 1
spiderowl Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) I wouldn't do that again. Being with a drunk person requires care-taking, it's often boring because drunk people aren't very mentally sharp, and your perceptions of what happened and how well things went probably aren't accurate when drunk. Plus, she has a child. She's not going to want someone who can't control themselves around children. You can redeem yourself, I think, by backing off a bit and not being so demanding, but try to remain in control in future until at least you and she know each other better. If you were bombarding her with requests she needed to respond to, that would be irritating. A parent has to look after a child. She doesn't want another to look after. She probably wants a really upright guy who she can respect and who is willing to take the load off her a bit. Did you come across as that kind of guy? Edited December 31, 2014 by spiderowl 1
Assada Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 hahahaha. The thing is OP thought that he KNEW her. Bro. You dont know her. "But she was never busy to send a 5 second text." Well now she is. The question is, why do you keep bothering someone that isnt responding to you? Move on.
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 I know all this is true. I care so much cuz she was so awesome and I don't want this one to just slip away without really seeing it through. I agree, I wish I would have apologized then said absolutely nothing the next day but she was stuck on my mind. I haven't texted her and we still follow each other on Instagram but I don't see much hope for this one.
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Plus, she has a child. She's not going to want someone who can't control themselves around children. You can redeem yourself, I think, by backing off a bit and not being so demanding, but try to remain in control in future until at least you and she know each other better. If you were bombarding her with requests she needed to respond to, that would be irritating. A parent has to look after a child. She doesn't want another to look after. She probably wants a really upright guy who she can respect and who is willing to take the load off her a bit. Did you come across as that kind of guy? No. I came across like a happy guy who just wanted love. I'm not sure why this one is bothering me so bad
Satu Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Let it go. If she is interested she'll be in touch. If not, you know what that means. Be aware that someone getting drunk on a first date is a VERY big red flag. 2
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Did you eat well before drinking? This always a good idea before you go for a drink on the date otherwise, that alcohol can hit you out of no where. Well, she told you that the mass of texts made her uninterested. Why are you confused? It sounds like she put in plain English. Texting has been a gift and a curse when it comes to dating. Since it is so easy to reach out, it can be just as easy to abuse texting. Hey, you'll get the next one. No I didnt and to be quite honest I had no expectations for the date but her looks and personality through me off guard. We had a lot in common as well. I know I won't make this mistake again.
fred123 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 you didn't do anything wrong. she's just not interested iv been durnk on dates before and if the girl is into you she will join and have fun. also the lots of texts sending is bull****. if she liked you like she did before she would send a message within seconds. iv been with many girls and experienced their reposes. i had a girl triple message me and text me all the time before we finally met. then wen we met she responded slowly. i could have sent her 10 messages in a day and she would have replied to them all now if i did that it would be clingy and desperate. she is just using ur mass of texts as an excuse. trust me. id put my mortgage on it 1
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 you didn't do anything wrong. she's just not interested iv been durnk on dates before and if the girl is into you she will join and have fun. also the lots of texts sending is bull****. if she liked you like she did before she would send a message within seconds. iv been with many girls and experienced their reposes. i had a girl triple message me and text me all the time before we finally met. then wen we met she responded slowly. i could have sent her 10 messages in a day and she would have replied to them all now if i did that it would be clingy and desperate. she is just using ur mass of texts as an excuse. trust me. id put my mortgage on it Wow thank you. I needed this response. Good example for me also is she texted me at 2 am after a date gone bad the night before we initially met. If I would have done that now I'd be this clingy psycho. Haha. She even apologized in the morning about it and obviously I was cool about it.
Author spaceboy409 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 I should also mention at the show she saw a guy she met off tinder and she told me she hadn't talked to him in two weeks! and that he would send her a message everyday. So clearly I'm not the only one who got a little upset by this girl.
Eighty_nine Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I'd say it's probably too late for this one. Good news is, she DID like you in the beginning. She wouldn't have gone anywhere with you after the game if she wasn't feeling it. So you are likable to pretty, interesting women; you just have to make some adjustments... Do NOT compliment too much. We like the mystery- does he think I'm attractive, interesting, funny? I'm not saying hold back 100%. A comment like "you're so funny" or "you look great" is perfectly acceptable and in fact, you should say something like that. But what stood out for me in this thread was you said you complimented too much- believe it or not, that can be a huge turn off. It shows lack of confidence because it's like instead of winning us over with your charm and conversation, you're trying to win us over with compliments. Secondly, it does sound like you drank too much, but unless you made some kind of obvious scene, you should not have apologized to her. You could've possibly made a joke "Didn't feel great this morning, probably overdid it with the booze, haha" or something, but I would never ever follow up a first date with an apology about anything she didn't express that she was bothered by. Again, it makes you look sort of weak, not confident. We like the mystery in the beginning. Once you have our interest, you're good. But those first few dates it's key to appear very sure of yourself. And too many texts is again, a big no no. My current bf texted me every other day-ish in the very beginning. Not hearing from him constantly caused me to feel SO excited when I got a message from him. Since she's liking your posts on instagram, I wouldn't say she's 100% uninterested yet... but you need to give her space. I wouldn't contact her for at least two days and then when you do, be very light, casual, breezy. Whatever you do- no more apologies or compliments. 1
fred123 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I'd say it's probably too late for this one. Good news is, she DID like you in the beginning. She wouldn't have gone anywhere with you after the game if she wasn't feeling it. So you are likable to pretty, interesting women; you just have to make some adjustments... Do NOT compliment too much. We like the mystery- does he think I'm attractive, interesting, funny? I'm not saying hold back 100%. A comment like "you're so funny" or "you look great" is perfectly acceptable and in fact, you should say something like that. But what stood out for me in this thread was you said you complimented too much- believe it or not, that can be a huge turn off. It shows lack of confidence because it's like instead of winning us over with your charm and conversation, you're trying to win us over with compliments. Secondly, it does sound like you drank too much, but unless you made some kind of obvious scene, you should not have apologized to her. You could've possibly made a joke "Didn't feel great this morning, probably overdid it with the booze, haha" or something, but I would never ever follow up a first date with an apology about anything she didn't express that she was bothered by. Again, it makes you look sort of weak, not confident. We like the mystery in the beginning. Once you have our interest, you're good. But those first few dates it's key to appear very sure of yourself. And too many texts is again, a big no no. My current bf texted me every other day-ish in the very beginning. Not hearing from him constantly caused me to feel SO excited when I got a message from him. Since she's liking your posts on instagram, I wouldn't say she's 100% uninterested yet... but you need to give her space. I wouldn't contact her for at least two days and then when you do, be very light, casual, breezy. Whatever you do- no more apologies or compliments. interesting to see a girls viewpoint. but she sent him a message at 2am? isn't that crazy from her? if he did that then... if a girl texts me at 2am i assume we are at a point we can text at any time and the apologise the next day no biggie. isn't there some hypocrisy there?
Eighty_nine Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) you didn't do anything wrong. she's just not interested iv been durnk on dates before and if the girl is into you she will join and have fun. also the lots of texts sending is bull****. if she liked you like she did before she would send a message within seconds. iv been with many girls and experienced their reposes. i had a girl triple message me and text me all the time before we finally met. then wen we met she responded slowly. i could have sent her 10 messages in a day and she would have replied to them all now if i did that it would be clingy and desperate. she is just using ur mass of texts as an excuse. trust me. id put my mortgage on it You are wrong. When women know and like someone, absolutely. I'm crazy about the guy I'm dating and he could message me all day every day and I'd be delighted. But in the beginning, when we don't know someone, we need to be won over! Men can assess a girl- attractive enough; yes- funny/smart enough- yes: then they like her, and it's a done deal. It's NOT that way for us. Again I'll use my current bf as an example. I was mildly interested him on our first date, game for a second date, yes. But that's as far as it went. If he'd dropped off the face of the earth at that time I probably wouldn't have thought much of it. But now a couple months later, I am CRAZY about him. He was confident, played it cool, contacted me casually every couple of days and totally won me over after about 5 dates. If he had over apologized, over complimented, or contacted me too much, I probably would've lost my attraction to him in the beginning. Edited December 31, 2014 by lissvarna 1
Danda Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I think everyone here is right in their own way, most of it is simultaneously true. Like yeah, women tend to warm up over time, whereas men tend to get hit hard and almost instantly when it comes to romantic interest. Special exceptions of course, just a generalized trend. And yeah, for many women coming up with some tiny, seemingly nonsensical thing (like saying you text her too much when she had been texting with you for hours almost every day up to that point) is the female equivalent of the "fade" that many men use when they realize they're no longer interested or when a more appealing option comes up. And yeah, maternal instincts are some serious ****, and can turn a potential red flag like getting more drunk than she did on a first date into a HUGE red flag. And you also just ever know with people, when all you have is one week of talking and one first date. For all you know her father was an alcoholic and seeing you get drunk the first time meeting you was just too creepy to her or something. And yeah, you didn't really do anything "wrong" as in WTF-wrong, but you could probably do better in the future by staying sober or only having a smidge to drink along with the woman. And yeah, bottom line is that she is probably not interested, best to shrug it off and move along, but keep the door open via being receptive to friendly chitchat. Basically imo you all make sense and are all right heh. 2
hoping2heal Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Let it go. If she is interested she'll be in touch. If not, you know what that means. Be aware that someone getting drunk on a first date is a VERY big red flag. Especially for someone who has a child. If she is a responsible mother, she is not going to want the guy who gets tanked like a frat boy on date 1 around. The fact that you are a "sweet drunk" is irrelevant. I know she says its about texting and maybe that is true but maybe that's an excuse because she doesn't want to bring up the drinking thing.
mrslovely Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I know all this is true. I care so much cuz she was so awesome and I don't want this one to just slip away without really seeing it through. I agree, I wish I would have apologized then said absolutely nothing the next day but she was stuck on my mind. I haven't texted her and we still follow each other on Instagram but I don't see much hope for this one. I understand that you feel bad and it is probably the mystery that had you hooked on this girl. It's nice for both sexes to meet someone who seems "normal" and isn't clingy or needy and all of that. There's absolutely no confusion here - she's not interested. Please don't delude yourself like some do. It really sounds like she friend zoned you and that's the only reason why she likes a picture/follows you on instagram. She's not perfect. No one is. I never got that love I needed to fill me up from a romantic relationship because the other person couldn't define me. What if there would've been drama with her child's father? Or something else down the line. People can change out of nowhere. Being properly honest with yourself, what if anything, would you do differently? 1
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