Unsure09 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Hi! My boyfriend and I have dated for a little over a year now. I am 23 and he just turned 28. I love him and he loves me, but our sex is lacking. Not in quality, it's great when it happens, but in quantity. I recently started keeping a sex journal in my phone. The last two months we've done it 7 times. Sometimes 3 days in a row, then our sex life is dead for three weeks. He has a job that makes him angry (and it's for my parents so he's in a tough spot) and he feels like he's lacking a purpose in his life, he tells me he feels like a part of him is missing. He misses his exciting contracting job overseas and his time in the military. He tells me I'm the only thing holding him together. He's torn in a bunch of different directions and I think that's why we have such long breaks in our sex life. Lately I've been in a crummy mood and he can sense it and when he asks what's wrong I tell him "I'm just feeling down." Because I am, because I kinda feel like what's wrong with me? My previous boyfriends were handsy every night and the ONE I want to be handsy isn't. Not even twice a week. I'm afraid to tell him the reason I've been all "blah" lately cause I don't want to add more stress to his plate. I thought at the beginning of the relationship the sex would pick up over time, but nope. I've been dwelling on this so long that now when things do get sexual, I'm not in it 100% myself cause I'm thinking "oh, NOW you want me" and I know that's not fair. And since the sex happens so infrequently, I've been feeling more self conscious naked around him than I was 2 months into the relationship. No idea how to go about talking to him about this. He is such a man and I don't want to make him feel "de-man'd". Help!
Redhead14 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Hi! My boyfriend and I have dated for a little over a year now. I am 23 and he just turned 28. I love him and he loves me, but our sex is lacking. Not in quality, it's great when it happens, but in quantity. I recently started keeping a sex journal in my phone. The last two months we've done it 7 times. Sometimes 3 days in a row, then our sex life is dead for three weeks. He has a job that makes him angry (and it's for my parents so he's in a tough spot) and he feels like he's lacking a purpose in his life, he tells me he feels like a part of him is missing. He misses his exciting contracting job overseas and his time in the military. He tells me I'm the only thing holding him together. He's torn in a bunch of different directions and I think that's why we have such long breaks in our sex life. Lately I've been in a crummy mood and he can sense it and when he asks what's wrong I tell him "I'm just feeling down." Because I am, because I kinda feel like what's wrong with me? My previous boyfriends were handsy every night and the ONE I want to be handsy isn't. Not even twice a week. I'm afraid to tell him the reason I've been all "blah" lately cause I don't want to add more stress to his plate. I thought at the beginning of the relationship the sex would pick up over time, but nope. I've been dwelling on this so long that now when things do get sexual, I'm not in it 100% myself cause I'm thinking "oh, NOW you want me" and I know that's not fair. And since the sex happens so infrequently, I've been feeling more self conscious naked around him than I was 2 months into the relationship. No idea how to go about talking to him about this. He is such a man and I don't want to make him feel "de-man'd". Help! You simply open a casual, non-confrontational, non-demanding conversation with him. Explain to him that you find him attractive and sexually appealing and would love to spend more time in the bedroom or being sexual with him. Then let him talk. You are not relieving stress on him by carrying your stress about the situation with you. You already know he senses something else is wrong but you're not telling him what it is. That actually likely causes him more stress to know you are unhappy and he's probably running his own theories about it in his own head. Communication is key is every aspect of a relationship. If you can't discuss these things, something else is not right in the relationship. Before you have that conversation though, make sure you take some time to make him see that you appreciate him and the stresses he has. Make him special meals, be sure to take care of yourself too. Try to dress up a little now and again, no sweat pants and tees. But not dresses and skirts all the time, just nice casual, well put together and perk your own mood up. Do somethings for yourself. Go out with friends, enjoy yourself more. Just kinda set the stage for the discussion over time, say a couple of weeks maybe.
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 After you make love the next time, while you are curled around each other sweetly praise his prowess & say how you wish you two could be intimate more often. Try initiating more.
Friskyone4u Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Talk to him gently but talk to him and don't stop talking to him. You are too young to not have a satisfying sex life and if you two do not resolve it you will wind up in the Infidelity forum. It could even be something medical. But keep talking and do not keep bottling it up.
JohnM Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 If he is stressed out its likely his drive is effected. Try initiating when you want it and see how that goes. If he refuses more than once then openly discuss your drive and support cleating his mind from stress.
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