thebiglimp Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 i don't know where would be the best place to post this so here it goes... mkay so the first dating attempt for me in a long time and i blew it. i would like you gents' professional analysis on the situation. I'm quite new at this so i don't know how to dissect it and gain from it. the whole event takes about a month which i will divide into approx. dates. day 1-10: girl who works at the bar i frequent show interest. day 11- i talk to her for maybe 3 minutes before being interrupted. day 12-19: more body language/eye contact from the girl and also now from me. (i wasn't even interested in her first but why not eat the fruit?) day 20: ask her phone number, saying i want to take her to the dinner. get a 'yes', then phone number... and here's where the idiocy begins. i ask for her name afterwards. her smart phone is gone, btw. she shows me a cheap phone saying that her phone is in repair atm. and can only kakaotalk [iM service] (totally legit excuse,btw) day 23, sunday: try calling but no answer. text her hi. get a hi back. me: what are you doing? her: busy with work i couldn't get done during the week let's have dinner tonight sorry, busy tonight but i'll be free at afternoon sometime next week now, i take this as a strike one and a downgrade- it's suppose to be a dinner, not an afternoon meet. next couple of texts are idiot blubber on my part. since getting her number i've been too excited that by now i have lost control of my cool. day 24-25: more idiot texting on my part. no wit, just awkward impersonal questions that she doesn't seem too interested to answer. last text i send her is 'oh god i think i'm failing at this text thing' her: no it's just me i still haven't fixed my phone so i can only do this on a computer. day 26: i go to the bar on a business. by now i am completely frozen up. naturally, she's overly friendly to me now but i am unable to make conversation. i seriously only said hi and bye to her the whole 4 hours i was there. day 27: call again, phone still doesn't work. i know she is off today because i know the employee schedule of the bar. text- me:hey let me know if you want to meet up today. and yes, i am pressuring you. her 6 hours later: sorry i was out all day. i will be like this from now on. i chat some more unproductive blabber, realizing it's already strike 2. day 29: business at the bar again (i have dealings with the owner) she seem very uncomfortable around me now, avoiding me altogether. naturally, i act the same. then i stop her on my way out, say 'i don't wanna bother you about this anymore but i still wanna go on a date with you.'. her: 'i don't want...' me: 'so no date?' 'no?' her: 'no' the end. lolol. yeah, i'm pretty bummed out by the loss but even as i type it out now, it's pretty funny how bad i was at this. what i'd like to know is, how was the dinner downgraded to an afternoon meet at my first text, and if i came on too strong both instances of text and how interested was she of me to begin with? if very interested wouldn't she have taken the next step to setting up the date after the first text? . it really is a deal breaker that i couldn't talk to her on the phone since that could've felt much more natural to me....
Danda Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 You don't give any details at all about what you perceived as her "showing interest" initially, so it's hard to give any feedback on whether or not that was legit with no details. Then you have to take into consideration that you were a customer and she was an employee, and you just asked her out without even making enough conversation to know her name before doing so. My guess would be that she said yes just to breeze over what might have felt like a surprise awkward moment. Then she knows you will probably keep coming back to her place of work and so she has to figure out how to not make things super awkward and yet try to backpedal at the same time. From that point onward it seems to be a really awkward dance of her not knowing how to handle the situation and you not seeming to realize it was kinda flubbed from the start. I do fault her for suggesting an afternoon meet, though. If she was going to go the avoid-til-hint-taken route then she shouldn't have done that. And ultimately she could have just said no in the first place, too; just trying to explain possibly why she didn't. Anyway, for the future my advice is to spend more time chatting them up before asking them out, at least enough to learn their name, silly.
Author thebiglimp Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 i do sound system install for the bar and occasionally mind the operation so it probably seemed more like i was an employee there. i never drink there either. here's how i perceived her interest from day 1-10 first day she saw me she was staring at me for 5 seconds or so for 2-3 times. (now, i don't much get human interaction in my job so i'm rather sensitive to these signs, regardless of what the contradicting theory might be on how these work.) anyways, from then on, more eye gazes, quick smiles in rather high volume. day 11, we are left alone in the bar. she suddenly gets fidgety as hell- adjusting everything around her, dusting the bottles (which nobody ever does there even with the owner watching) so i finally initiate conversation and whatever light remarks i make she laughs way too hard even though they're not funny at all. then the owner comes back, we are interrupted, and she immediately goes into the bathroom to check the mirror, comes back and just keeps sitting faced toward me wanting to continue the conversation. i by then start to get excited by the whole prospect of her having an interest in me so i freeze up. same things go on from day 11-19 when i try to minimize any interaction out of nervousness until day 20 when i work up the courage to ask her out. all downhill from there. so yeah, i think there was an interest. but i can't measure it objectively. judging from the interactions i list above, how high was her interest level?
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