Heartbroken

[Emch]

Hi

I could really do with some advice as I am at a loss to know what to do – please bear with me as the story is quite long

I was with my boyfriend for 6 years which were mostly very happy. We had a tough time 3 years ago when his dad became ill and passed away quite suddenly and at a young age.

Other than that extremely sad time, we were very happy together and always used to talk about the future, about buying a house and getting married.

3 weeks after we had just got back from an amazing holiday, he dropped the bombshell that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was totally shocked, as were all of mine and his family/friends. He was very upset and really crying. He just said he had been having doubts that he needed to do something about

After 2 weeks, he got in touch to say he had made a mistake and knew I was the one he should be with, but that his head was all over the place. He wanted to try again but take it slowly, because deep down he knew I was the one he should be with.

We went for dinner and he bought me roses and it was a lovely evening.

After that, I didn’t hear from him until I bumped into him a week later. I just said I assume we aren’t trying again then and he simply said no I don’t think so.

I was heartbroken all over again and sent him a message a couple of weeks later to say that wasn’t the right way to end things. He said he was really sorry but he wasn’t happy and needed to do something about it, without dragging me through it. He felt we got together too young (19). He doesn’t want to be with anyone else, just wants to be on his own.

We left it on good times, it was just very sad.

Then a week later, he contacted me to ask if I wanted to go to an event with his sister and niece and nephew, as I had bought the tickets for their Christmas present. I just replied and said no thank you and that it wasn’t a good idea.

His sister then called me and said he was shocked that I didn't want to go but that she understood.

He has since liked a photo of me and my family on Instagram, but it's been a few weeks now since our last contact.

What do I do now? I am heartbroken and nobody seems to think this is right apart from him. My friends and family think we were so good together and so do his family. His sister told him he was throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him. He even told my sister that he knew if we got married and had children that we would have a great life together.

 

Please help me, I really want him back because I know how good we are together and that we would have a happy life together

[bnx]

Emch, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through!

Edited December 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Emch]

I thought I should try and give him his space, so haven't contacted him - I have an email ready to send but everyone has told me not to send it yet and to give him time to come to terms with being on his own and to see what it's really like. It's been 9 weeks though and it's so hard as I love him so much and never considered that he might not be the one

[bnx]

You really need to make sure what you're sending him isn't going to push him farther away. It can be a GREAT thing to send an email which it sounds like you'd like to do. However, I think it's worth knowing what you're sending is the perfect, proven thing.

[Itspointless]

I thought I should try and give him his space, so haven't contacted him - I have an email ready to send but everyone has told me not to send it yet and to give him time to come to terms with being on his own and to see what it's really like. It's been 9 weeks though and it's so hard as I love him so much and never considered that he might not be the one

Your story is sad but unfortunately their is little you can do. He probably is making a mistake, but he doesn't know that as he always has known a warm shower being with you for years in his young life. So in honesty he doesn't have a clue what being alone means and has grown quite a egocentric mind-view because of it. Their is nothing wrong with being alone, I have moments that I really like it, but he - the fool - is idealizing it. People who tell you they will be alone for a while usually cannot deal with it at all. The fact that he asked you to go to that show is already a small example of this: you are not someone for his pleasure that can be called when he needs it.

 

There is a chance that he will come back, but by then you probably have lost your trust in him. First he has to realize this on his own. It is so counter-intuitive, but now he knows you want him back. He perhaps/probably is going to start to worry when you actually are moving on. Let him learn his lesson and get a bit more mature. Reading this forum it unfortunately happens a lot with young people. Try to move on.

 

Good luck.

Edited December 30, 2014 by Itspointless

[coolheadal]

What you got here is someone who is not ready for anything except for what he wants. You are just caught up in his complex spinning life cycle. So okay he tells you one thing to get back with you. Then he drops out of site. So what do you have to do wait, and wait and wait. Come on is this how your want things. I am sure you don't. Family shouldn't be involved. You need to deal with it. But again he's not ready for anything serious right now. If your ready then move on keep this guy as a friend only if you want. Otherwise tell him not to contact you ever again.

 

Statements like your the one I know I have to be with but then he changes his mind again. Can't live with never knowing what he will do or say next. If you really want things to change you need to sit down and be serious about your intentions. If he doesn't want to talk about it then you know time to call it quits with him.