Crush has initiated conversation more frequently but I am uncomfortable

December 30, 2014

I noticed that in the last 2 weeks my crush has been initiating more conversations. When I say initiating conversations I mean conversation that is NOT work related but asking me about my life again outside the workplace. So after a 4 month awkward silence and limited contact she seems to be back to her normal self. It appears that way.

Only problem is I haven't returned to normal. Well for a few days maybe I did return to my normal relaxed self around her as we were talking again about stuff we used to talk about before the 4 months of limited contact.

But ever since middle of last week I have gone back to keeping as much distance as I can from her. This does not mean being rude or ignoring her. If she comes to me and initiates talk then fine. I will engage her the best I can but I do not encourage anything. I'm not making it a point to interact with her. I even make excuses to end the conversation first.

I do not feel comfortable talking to her at all. I mean the level of discomfort is even higher now than it was the last 4 months. I don't know what to do. Whenever she shows even the slightest sign of interest in me regardless of what her intentions may be and regardless of how ambiguous her behavior is my reaction is to just freeze up and get some distance after a short conversation.

I did not go through with baking any cakes this year. I didn't do any gestures for Christmas or offer her anymore food. Nothing.

She is the only woman who has ever had this effect on me. This has never happened before. How can I think about someone all the time and then want to keep them at a distance? This has never happened before and on top of that I've worked with her for 12 years but just in the last 4 months there's this funny feelings I get when I think of her or see her. Why now? Why not before? These are rhetorical questions that I don't expect anyone to have answers for.

And before anyone asks if I have ever dated before. The answer is yes but I have never had encounters like this before in my life. With past girlfriends it was totally different. If I had some obsessive disorder then the same pattern would follow from past girlfriends but that's not the case. This is my first time feeling whatever I am feeling.

I did not get stomachaches with past girlfriends. I do get stomachaches when my crush is near me. I think she's the reason my blood pressure rises temporarily too. If I were a betting man if I were taking my blood pressure while she's in the room I would bet it would read 170 over 100! This whole situation with her has effected my physical body.

Edited December 30, 2014 by Darren2013

December 30, 2014

I'm mad about today...

I've been working hard to get busy and catch up with stuff and hope to forget about my crush cuz I can't take the pain. I get miserable and irritable and on top of the other stresses I have right now, I don't need to be distracted.

But, at the same time I'm hoping that the up-tempo in things picking up once the holidays are over I can just get busy again.

I'm just really hurt and know more hurt is gonna come if I don't let him go. I'm just preparing myself for the worst by backing off you know.

I'm just mad that today, after all that effort I got pulled back in. But again, soon I'll be busy with work and stuff and hopefully that will distract me.

Stay busy, go date others. Didn't you say you had some woman in Kentucky you were chatting with?

I try to have empathy and understand where you're coming from. I mean, I get nervous stuff too, but dude, thank your lucky stars that your crush is single and that she's made several attempts to get to know. I hope you notice that you've got more in your favor than other people have to try to make something of this.

December 30, 2014

Perhaps, despite your iron-clad walls of defense, you have real feelings of love and care about her.

Truly, a horrifying situation for you. :bunny:

December 30, 2014

I do find it kind of interesting. When I develop a 'crush' on someone from a distance I become terrified of them. But when I gradually get to know someone and then start developing interest of that nature, I don't get anxiety. Have you noticed this sort of distinction at all between past girlfriends and this current crush?

I mean really all you can do, I think, is start analyzing any differences between past women you've liked and this one, as well as the situations, and see what is unique about this present woman and/or situation. I'd be curious to see the results list.

December 31, 2014

The thing is when someone is nervous around their crush because they want to make sure that they say and do everything just perfectly and not make any mistakes their behavior may mimick a person who is not interested. Hopefully she doesn't perceive me as not being interested and she can see through everything as to why I keep my distance at times and why I am sometimes keeping our conversations short.

Hopefully she can see through it and understand that I still like her. It is not a crime to like someone but maybe she can appreciate the fact that I am not acting on my feelings. I have not done any flirting with her. Have never even told her she looks good. Not even once.

I even bought a new electric shaver for myself that is basically an upgrade that will do the job even better than the last razor I had. I have developed an obsession with shaving because of her. Now I shave twice a day. I don't want even a little stubble now. I am also constantly checking for wrinkles in my clothes throughout the day even though I ironed them in the mornings.

Edited December 31, 2014 by Darren2013

January 1, 2015

The thing is when someone is nervous around their crush because they want to make sure that they say and do everything just perfectly and not make any mistakes their behavior may mimick a person who is not interested. Hopefully she doesn't perceive me as not being interested and she can see through everything as to why I keep my distance at times and why I am sometimes keeping our conversations short.

Why does it matter to you if she still thinks you're interested if you have no plans to act on your interest in her?

Hopefully she can see through it and understand that I still like her. It is not a crime to like someone but maybe she can appreciate the fact that I am not acting on my feelings. I have not done any flirting with her. Have never even told her she looks good. Not even once.

Why would she "appreciate" you not acting on your feelings - yet you want her to know you still like her?

I even bought a new electric shaver for myself that is basically an upgrade that will do the job even better than the last razor I had. I have developed an obsession with shaving because of her. Now I shave twice a day. I don't want even a little stubble now. I am also constantly checking for wrinkles in my clothes throughout the day even though I ironed them in the mornings.

Is there an end in site for this push and pull you're having with this woman? Did you ever consider that she has feelings too, and doesn't deserve the push and pull you do to her? I guess some people only care about themselves.

I guess she enjoys you lifting her up (showing signs of interest) and dropping her flat all the time (turning down her attempts to have a simple coffee during break and/or wings after work)...so, if she wants to expose herself to more hurt, then I'll pray for her.

To find out why you like this woman - yet want to keep her at a distance, have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Maybe you think you don't deserve any better? Maybe you have trust issues? I don't know. I think a good therapist can help work you through this.

But then, some people like to be "comfortable"...and, some people who just repeat over and over and post over and over about the same thing pretty much are stuck in their ways and will not even bother to check out that therapist.

January 1, 2015

For some people, fantasy is better than reality.

January 1, 2015

For some people, fantasy is better than reality.

I liked your post cuz I think that's all it's gonna be for certain people. I don't agree with it, and I pray one day this crush will figure out her time is being wasted and move on already.

January 1, 2015

I recommend a book on limerance that describes exactly what you're going through. The need to appear without flaw--because anything less than what she would like might make her reject you or appear to her as rejection from you. The distance. All of it. I think it's by Tennov.

This is how 50-year marriages start. And believe it or not, passion can last that long. There are couples online who show it can be done and some research. But she has to feel the same way.

If she feels the same way I would go for it.

January 1, 2015

Is there an end in site for this push and pull you're having with this woman? Did you ever consider that she has feelings too, and doesn't deserve the push and pull you do to her? I guess some people only care about themselves.

I guess she enjoys you lifting her up (showing signs of interest) and dropping her flat all the time (turning down her attempts to have a simple coffee during break and/or wings after work)...so, if she wants to expose herself to more hurt, then I'll pray for her.

To find out why you like this woman - yet want to keep her at a distance, have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Maybe you think you don't deserve any better? Maybe you have trust issues? I don't know. I think a good therapist can help work you through this.

But then, some people like to be "comfortable"...and, some people who just repeat over and over and post over and over about the same thing pretty much are stuck in their ways and will not even bother to check out that therapist.

Is there an end to this? Yeah one of these days I'm going to drop dead of a heart attack while she's near me. Then that will be the end. But I have 3 months left working for this company. So either by the time I leave or when I drop dead. Whichever comes first.

January 1, 2015

I noticed that in the last 2 weeks my crush has been initiating more conversations. When I say initiating conversations I mean conversation that is NOT work related but asking me about my life again outside the workplace. So after a 4 month awkward silence and limited contact she seems to be back to her normal self. It appears that way.

Only problem is I haven't returned to normal. Well for a few days maybe I did return to my normal relaxed self around her as we were talking again about stuff we used to talk about before the 4 months of limited contact.

But ever since middle of last week I have gone back to keeping as much distance as I can from her. This does not mean being rude or ignoring her. If she comes to me and initiates talk then fine. I will engage her the best I can but I do not encourage anything. I'm not making it a point to interact with her. I even make excuses to end the conversation first.

I do not feel comfortable talking to her at all. I mean the level of discomfort is even higher now than it was the last 4 months. I don't know what to do. Whenever she shows even the slightest sign of interest in me regardless of what her intentions may be and regardless of how ambiguous her behavior is my reaction is to just freeze up and get some distance after a short conversation.

I did not go through with baking any cakes this year. I didn't do any gestures for Christmas or offer her anymore food. Nothing.

She is the only woman who has ever had this effect on me. This has never happened before. How can I think about someone all the time and then want to keep them at a distance? This has never happened before and on top of that I've worked with her for 12 years but just in the last 4 months there's this funny feelings I get when I think of her or see her. Why now? Why not before? These are rhetorical questions that I don't expect anyone to have answers for.

And before anyone asks if I have ever dated before. The answer is yes but I have never had encounters like this before in my life. With past girlfriends it was totally different. If I had some obsessive disorder then the same pattern would follow from past girlfriends but that's not the case. This is my first time feeling whatever I am feeling.

I did not get stomachaches with past girlfriends. I do get stomachaches when my crush is near me. I think she's the reason my blood pressure rises temporarily too. If I were a betting man if I were taking my blood pressure while she's in the room I would bet it would read 170 over 100! This whole situation with her has effected my physical body.

Perhaps you should see someone.

These reactions and feelings are bizarre, even for you, as you say, since you don't normally feel this way.

I mean the length at which you obsess over this, make threads about this, read into this, experience physical discomfort, maybe you should talk to a therapist about why it is you might react so strongly and strangely to this woman. Perhaps doing so will give you some insight so that into 2015 you can change that instead of continuing on in a counterproductive cycle.

January 1, 2015

I think the simple solution is to keep avoiding her where I can without being unprofessional. I am leaving in 3 months so I won't have to worry about dealing with her after that. Why would I need to waste time talking to a therapist about it when in 3 months I won't have to worry about working in the same place anymore? It is a waste of time and money to see a therapist all because of one woman whom I won't have to worry about much longer anyway. It will be a moot point in 3 months.

Sometimes I don't have a choice and I have to work with her as a partner. I just suck it up only because professionalism is a higher priority. But I still have the option of avoiding her such as not eating my lunch in company lunchroom anymore. I've been eating my lunch in the car for awhile now just so I don't risk running into her.

Edited January 1, 2015 by Darren2013

January 1, 2015

If you don't want to gain insight into this behavior and why YOU (not her) are responding in this way, as after 3 months you'll still be you and you'll still be the one who responded like that (it's not about her), then that's of course your choice.

If you don't think your months and months and endless threads and strange behavior might warrant some more insight into YOU then alright. But I'd suggest it, as it's YOUR response, it's not her and who's to say you may not react like this again the next time you like someone.

I'm curious about if it won't matter in 3 months, why continue to make threads? Why not just ignore and wait out your 3 months?

January 1, 2015

Are you positive you're not gay and would be calmer if you only had to deal with guys? Just sayin'. I had a little friends decades ago who went on and on about the girl who had a crush on him and was always nervous about it. He loved her as a friend but as he said she was coming over "trying to tantalize me." Which made him jumpy as a zebra colt on 4th of July.

January 1, 2015

If you don't want to gain insight into this behavior and why YOU (not her) are responding in this way, as after 3 months you'll still be you and you'll still be the one who responded like that (it's not about her), then that's of course your choice.

If you don't think your months and months and endless threads and strange behavior might warrant some more insight into YOU then alright. But I'd suggest it, as it's YOUR response, it's not her and who's to say you may not react like this again the next time you like someone.

I'm curious about if it won't matter in 3 months, why continue to make threads? Why not just ignore and wait out your 3 months?

Because I don't have a history of reacting this way when I like someone. I am usually more confident. So it is more about her than about me. I don't have this problem with anyone else. It is very unlikely that I ever will react this way again to someone else.

I do ignore it but I have to talk about it somewhere and to people who don't know me personally. Loveshack is the only safe haven for that. I'm certainly not going to talk about it with people who know me personally. I'm not comfortable with that. Heavy subjects are better talked about with strangers who will never meet me in person. That's part of what LS is for.

If it really bothers you that much then why do you keep reading my threads? It wouldn't make sense to. You do have a choice on what you read on this site. You don't have to read every thread on here. If you find the thread useless then why read it?

The only answer I can think of is you have no intention of trying to help. You just want to bully and pick on someone who is already down.

Edited January 1, 2015 by Darren2013

January 1, 2015

Because I don't have a history of reacting this way when I like someone. I am usually more confident. So it is more about her than about me. I don't have this problem with anyone else. It is very unlikely that I ever will react this way again to someone else.

I do ignore it but I have to talk about it somewhere and to people who don't know me personally. Loveshack is the only safe haven for that. I'm certainly not going to talk about it with people who know me personally. I'm not comfortable with that. Heavy subjects are better talked about with strangers who will never meet me in person. That's part of what LS is for.

If it really bothers you that much then why do you keep reading my threads? It wouldn't make sense to. You do have a choice on what you read on this site. You don't have to read every thread on here. If you find the thread useless then why read it?

The only answer I can think of is you have no intention of trying to help. You just want to bully and pick on someone who is already down.

At what point did I say that it bothered me?? I was simply asking you, the person seeking advice, what your end goal is and what you hope to gain (which people do so they can advise you better. You're not the first person who makes thread after thread on the same thing and most people who do that the members here do genuinely try to offer advice but also feel they can ask them what their ultimate goal is since even after 50 threads they don't really seem to want to do anything different and just rebut all advice and do their own thing anyway).

Bullying you? Are you serious? If you feel bullied then I'm sorry and will refrain from responding to your threads henceforth.

January 25, 2015

Well my blood pressure levels are back up again. 152 over 95. One of my doctors even asked me the other day if I have been under any stress. I told him that I do have alot on my mind. I didn't go into detail about crushing on a coworker for the better part of the last 6 months.

I'm also back to not eating regularly. Actually it is either one extreme or the other. Some days I will go on a binge eating attack on comfort food to try and take my mind off of my crush. I have taken up a new hobby so that helps a little bit too. Other days like today I have no appetite for food and all I ate was an apple and a chicken salad today. Then I gotta take ibuprofen for toothaches that come from the stress of all this.

So I have my setbacks. Some days I think I am getting over her and other days the feelings progress. She is still the one initiating all of the contact lately that is outside of work related stuff. Which is fine. She has a right to engage me in conversation since neither of us own the place that we work for. We're just employees. All I can do is continue to make myself as scarce wherever possible until it is time for me to leave.

Nevertheless I still look for ways to continue looking good for my crush. Shaving, getting better clothing, buying a new coat and new shoes, etc. I'll continue to make sure I look good for her but I won't ask her out.

Edited January 25, 2015 by Darren2013

January 25, 2015

Darren, Im not going to post about the crush because you have made it clear that you are just venting and really don't want and will not take any advice.

But, make sure you have food on your stomach when you take the ibuprofen. It will cause you more issues than you already have if you don't.

January 25, 2015

I have never really made it a point to take any medicines with food because I don't see how it makes a difference. I take multivitamins on an empty stomach too.

January 25, 2015

I have never really made it a point to take any medicines with food because I don't see how it makes a difference. I take multivitamins on an empty stomach too.

Do you read the instructions on the bottle? I mean, I'm not talking about the long and tedious one - the short one where they put a little picture of a drink and hamburger that says "please take with food".

The food sorta serves as lining/coating for your stomach so that the medicine doesn't irritate it. Also, the food helps with the digestion/absorption of the pills cuz the food activates your stomach's mechanism to process the food.

So, keep on taking medicines on an empty stomach...it will end up tearing up your stomach lining and probably slow down the effectiveness/processing of the pill - even the multivitamin.

Now, there are times we are instructed to take certain things on an empty stomach, but the prescription should clearly tell you to do it. But still, you'd need enough water to make sure your body processes it.

Edited January 25, 2015 by Gloria25

January 25, 2015

Gloria, you are ruining the fun he is going to have when he comes back complaining about nausea and bleeding.

(sorry, I couldn't resist the joke)

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Crush has initiated conversation more frequently but I am uncomfortable

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