OLD is just a sick game and Im done with it [update]

[okc85]

I'm just starting to do this too. Why did I keep dating "weirdos"? I was blaming everyone else for a while until I took a step back. I realized that I was the common denominator in the situation and was saying yes to everyone who asked for my number/a date.

 

Exactly!!! That is what I used to do, too. I went on lots of dates with incompatible people because I just wasn't saying no to anyone who asked me out.

[writergal]

OP (and others who feel similarly to him), it makes no sense to attack or blame OLD for your experiences. If you had met all those women at Barnes & Noble, they'd still be the same hot messes. Are you going to condemn all bookstores?

 

Flaky people are flaky. Crazy people are crazy.

 

It's reasonable to bash OLD sites if they have crappy matching options or algorithms, or if the site has a poor UI/UX and is hard to navigate, or if the privacy options suck. But not this. There are things that OLD simply cannot account for (and some people lie). OLD has benefits and drawbacks, just like meeting someone IRL. It's not for everyone. Most wise people who use dating sites use them as supplementary options, while getting out of the house and interacting with people (friends, activities, social events, etc.) is their primary.

 

I agree with missliss908...take a break for a little while. Maybe take a nice trip somewhere (if possible) or join a group that caters to a hobby of yours. When you get stressed, it's usually because you're too emotionally invested, your expectations are too high and you're on the brink of burnout. It can also mean that you're trying and/or thinking too hard. All of those things are signs that you need to take a step back.

 

I'll say it again. OLD is a preference. I prefer not to use it. To assume there's something wrong with the OP and people like me who hate OLD (as though we are the problem) is extremely judgmental and irrelevant. There's nothing wrong with the person, it's the platform (online dating websites) that is the problem.

 

OLD has a ton of problems that go along with it that I've touched upon already in a previous post in this thread. It's not a natural way to meet, date, and romance someone. It's the fast food of dating and as we all know, fast food isn't good for you.

[BluEyeL]

Well, flying and traveling by car are also not "natural ways" to move around. Technology is here to stay, whether or not you see it positively.

 

OLD went mainstream. It's fine not to use it, but doing so means definitely missing out on potential good connections. You have to just be very good at filtering and prejudging.

[Trenton100]

Yeah I'm over it. The short texting/responses. The constant FB attention whoring. The over protectiveness. I tell her my work is slowing down, house might be foreclosed and she calls a half hour later just to complain about her job for five minutes before hanging up. I never get a "how are you"? Nope. Tonight is lame. She's at a party, texting "I'm drunk". Big deal. Whatever. Bye bye now. Moving on.

[carhill]

Sorry for your experiences. Overall, though relationship and marital success has varied markedly, I found OLD to be a very efficient way of meeting people, especially ostensibly single people. What happened after that was up to the people involved. As with anything in life, experience varies. While it would be easy to look at meeting my exW on OLD as a negative experience, since we didn't remain married for life, I tend to view the positive experiences we had as valuable parts of living and those wouldn't have happened if not for the then relatively new concept of 'internet dating'.

[elaine567]

I think many get disappointed because this is not the flush of first love, where little niggles, get swept under the carpet and we tend to do a bit of worshipping of our idol.

 

This is dating with eyes wide open, not only open, but wedged open, and the niggles are seen as big red flags, whether they are or not, and every action, every text, every word spoken, is analysed for deeper meanings.

 

She spends a long time at the mirror = she loves herself = narcissist.

He doesn't like animals or kids = he can't love anyone = psychopath.

 

In that climate, there is no room for anything less than perfection ,and as perfection is unobtainable, then disappointment is inevitable.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think many get disappointed because this is not the flush of first love, where little niggles, get swept under the carpet and we tend to do a bit of worshipping of our idol.

 

This is dating with eyes wide open, not only open, but wedged open, and the niggles are seen as big red flags, whether they are or not, and every action, every text, every word spoken, is analysed for deeper meanings.

 

She spends a long time at the mirror = she loves herself = narcissist.

He doesn't like animals or kids = he can't love anyone = psychopath.

 

In that climate, there is no room for anything less than perfection ,and as perfection is unobtainable, then disappointment is inevitable.

 

Right, there's this 50 year old woman that actually has in her OK Cupid profile "Email me, but only if you live within 15 miles (stated zipcode)

 

At her age and with most of the men in this town having had jail histories (she teaches GED courses at a local prison) and it's mostly consisting of people over the age of 70 and married people...she is severely limiting herself if she will only date within 15 miles.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Online dating is a waste of time in my opinion. Meetup is different than online dating because the groups meet in person so you have that instant face to face contact and interaction to determine if chemistry is there with someone you may be attracted to.

 

I have to concur and agree about Meetup, though I am seeing lately the same faces on Meetup as I'm seeing on the dating sites. LOL Not that many, but have seen them.

 

Kind of made me wonder why they joined the dating sites, esp. since they already have a pool of friends at these Meetups.

 

For instance, I know of this mid 40's attractive runner. She religiously attends marathons or finds herself training for them. You'd THINK she'd have no problem meeting a man "the old-fashioned" way at these marathons, but yet...she is up on POF? Kind of makes you wonder either

 

1. The male runners are all married or spoken for

2. The male runners are gay.

3. She's overly picky with the selection of the men in these real life social gatherings.

 

You'd be surprised as there are tons of members that sign up for meetup, but only very few regularly attend and it's funny how they come out of the wood work be it either a 4th of July BBQ or the recent holiday events...then they go back to their bedroom computers , lock the door, and sign into Match.com or wherever.

 

So it seems there is a blurred line between social media and real life encounters. Don't like what you see on the RSVP list prior to attending? Don't go and hit the night clubs where the players looking for a good lay tend to frequent.

It's also ironic that even the most unattractive women on online dating sites, will refuse to date their equal in looks

Edited January 1, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[elaine567]

I do beleive there is a lot of people out there who hide behind computers and who never find anyone to date because they put so many obstacles in the way, to prevent themselves having to meet anyone.

 

I believe many of those who flake, do not do so because they changed their mind about the person, or because the person was too pushy, too laid back, too ugly, too fat, too skinny, too stupid, too anything else the person flaked on, may beat themselves up about: they changed their mind because they were scared to go meet anyone.

They make things up to discount the person and justify their actions, but I believe, some flake because they are scared.

 

Meeting strange people in social situations and where they will be "judged", can be just too stressful, so they duck out.

[the tank]

I've never been flake on OLD. Problem there is that many ppl have crazy high standard....

[elaine567]

It's also ironic that even the most unattractive women on online dating sites, will refuse to date their equal in looks

 

How do you know that?

Their "equal in looks" is highly subjective.

Looks are not everything and an "unattractive" man, may be unattractive in other aspects of himself too, suggesting that "unattractive" people should accept "equal in looks", regardless of everything else, is ridiculous.

 

Everyone wants the best they can achieve, and while it s no surprise Brad Pitt ended up with Angelina Jolie, most ordinary people are pretty ordinary in the looks department.

Splitting fairly ordinary people into masses of subcategories is nonsense and it is often why relationships do not turn out well long term.

Fat Fiona lost weight and is now a swan and Cute Caroline comfort eats and slobs around and is no longer going to win any beauty contests.

Looks are superficial, it is what goes on inside, that is important.

 

People are like puppies, you tend to choose the cutest one, only to find in 2-3 years it looks little different from all the rest.

If it is a snappy little thing, but was soooo cute and you chose it, then whilst all the other owners have nice sensible dogs, yours looks hardly any different from the rest, but yours will bite you...

[Trenton100]

I think a lot of it has to do with the area as well. I live in in NJ but I'm from NE. The people ARE different here. They are a little less accepting and a little more self-involved, especially the city woman. It's not a knock or anything, just the culture itself.

[writergal]

Aside from algorithms, people lie on online dating websites about themselves, and even create fake profiles with OLD dating. No matter how forthright you are, whatever your good intentions, there's just no way for you to predict the authenticity / motivations of the person you chat with online via an online dating website.

 

Good luck getting them to meet you for a date in person. I've vented here on LS already about one OLD guy who blew up my cellphone with daily texts / long phone calls under the promise of meeting me in person for a first date that never happened, because he canceled the day of with a fake illness and never rescheduled.

 

Or the guys who just want a digital pen-pal whom they can vent to about how miserable they are after their divorce / recent breakup / job loss / illness / financial problems / send dirty messages to.

 

Or the guys who aren't in fact guys, but women who create fake profiles of men to do "market research" of their competition (I'm just assuming this happens for both genders).

 

Or the ghost / closed profiles used by the online dating websites to create the illusion they have more active members than they really do. I found this out the hard way when a guy friend asked me what I was doing on one of the popular online dating websites, when in fact I had closed my profile (or so I thought). I was pissed, so I contacted customer service and told them to delete / hide my profile instead of letting it remain active. Who's to say the profile you come across of a man /woman you find attractive is 1) active 2) actually genuine? There's a 50 / 50 chance the profile is a fake or a closed profile.

 

Online dating is the second most popular way to date someone, with offline face to face dating being the 1st, preferred method. Having tried online dating off and on for the past 5 years, I can say without doubt, that all it's produced for me is misery, time and time again. There is no way in hell I will ever subject myself to that kind of misery again. I'll take my chances with meeting men face to face through the social groups I belong to, and through mutual friends and family.

[Toodaloo]

I just think people are not very self aware in general. Including myself at times. Online dating started to work for me once I stopped constantly blaming the 'weirdos' online and stepped back to see why I kept falling into the same traps.

 

But yes it is a preference. No one has to do online dating. Plenty of other ways to meet people.

 

So far the only person who has wanted to speak to me has also wanted to erm "take pictures of me"... OK... Nice to know that and needless to say we didn't meet!!! About the only thing we had in common is that we were both single.

 

I wanted to try on line so I could meet single people looking to meet single people. Simples eh? And as 1 in 5 relationship are supposed to start through on line dating sites I figured I would give it a go.

 

I don't think that they are all single to be blunt... I also don't believe that they are all looking for what I would call a proper relationship that starts with meeting people and getting to know them.

 

Has not worked out that way for me at all. I have met more people in the local supermarket than through OLD.

 

Perhaps I will try another site later in the year but for now I am happy to just get off my bum and get a social life instead

 

Another "problem" I seem to have is that 99.9% of the time I am sober. I don't tend to sit at home drinking wine unless it is a particularly good one. I don't go clubbing. I am more than happy to drink a cup of tea in a pub rather than a beer and would only go to one to eat a meal rather than drink. It seems that I am lacking something because I don't just sit around getting piddled... yes I enjoy a nice glass of wine, yes I enjoy a beer (proper beer not larger), Feed me a decent Brandy and I will not be held responsible for the consequences... But these occasions are very rare and if I do drink it will be a small glass or a half pint for the taste not to get drunk. Everyone seems to want a drinker? I don't want to lay around hungover all day. I want to go out and do things...