FaceBook and its effects on relationships in general negative and positive

[TigerLilly78]

So ive been thinking about good old FB as of late and thought it might make a interesting topic of discussion on here. As in how dose it affect our relationships in general? how affected are you by it? do we even realize anymore? ive herd friends in their 20s actually say unless your relashionship is "Facebook official" its not really real

 

I didn't buy into it until we recently made ours known in fb and I have to say it kind of did give me a strange sense of security. I guess this is all a part of social conditioning to a degree the want to "fit in" and see who "likes" your relashionship?

 

Im not one to buy into social conditioning believe me I think alot here know this yet I find that feeling of acceptance and how important it can become to some to be interesting. For me especially when I saw his family liking it it felt flipping great. like sweet validation thing is its not really needed validation if that makes sense I know he loves me I know were over all happy why dose a like on a social page feel so dam good then?

 

And on the negative flip side a friends gf recently pretty much had a melt down on her fb due to what she perceived as people only "liking" pics of my friend or him and his kid but she didn't think they were liking their couple pics together enough? This lead to him actually hiding his relationship status on his page recently.

 

I dont know it just seams Facebook might have more power over the masses in general especially grown adults then it should? is it healthy? I wonder at times..

 

[Gloria25]

I think people put too much value in "perceived" "connections" they "think" they have on there.

 

I mean, I'm not just talking about the people who blow up their page with ridiculous pics.

 

I think people who "friend" others do it so frivolously. I don't get having 400 so-called "friends". Maybe they need to make one called "acquaintances"?

 

I mean, if you have 400 "friends" and only like 20 will "like" something you post. What's the point of listing all these people as "friends" on your page?

 

IMO, if someone isn't valuable enough for you to pick up the phone to call and/or write a letter to, then they're not a "friend".

 

But, I guess that's my summary of Facebook. I think a lot of "fluff" going on there and people just not really "valuing" who they put as a friend and just put pics of everyone they date on there. I'm a bit more discerning.

[aggie382]

FB is very helpful to me! I don't think it causes problems at all, rather I think it helps unmask symptoms and magnify them so you see the red flags quicker!

[Trenton100]

FB is very helpful to me! I don't think it causes problems at all, rather I think it helps unmask symptoms and magnify them so you see the red flags quicker!

 

Facebook is crap. It's a phony display of people only showing the positive aspects of their lives. I swear looking at Facebook you would think everyone is a happy, well traveled person with great kids. It's nothing more than self validation. Post a pic of your kid, get likes. Feel better about life.

 

I don't know how anyone can think it helps in terms of relationships at all.

[hoping2heal]

I think FB actually exposes a lot of problems, rather than cause them.

 

Dating an attention whore? Busted.

Dating a narcissist? Busted

Dating a player? Busted

 

You get the drift. I don't think FB causes anyone to do anything that does not come natural to them.

 

I do think sites like FB have really amplified the longing to be accepted and gain approval from others though. You just have to be secure in the choices you make because there will always be someone there to put you down, criticize, or make you feel bad. You have to learn whose input to value and put stock in and whose to let roll off your back.

[aggie382]

I think FB actually exposes a lot of problems, rather than cause them.

 

Dating an attention whore? Busted.

Dating a narcissist? Busted

Dating a player? Busted

 

You get the drift. I don't think FB causes anyone to do anything that does not come natural to them.

 

I do think sites like FB have really amplified the longing to be accepted and gain approval from others though. You just have to be secure in the choices you make because there will always be someone there to put you down, criticize, or make you feel bad. You have to learn whose input to value and put stock in and whose to let roll off your back.

 

Yes!!! I totally agree!!!

[toscaroscura]

 

I think people who "friend" others do it so frivolously. I don't get having 400 so-called "friends". Maybe they need to make one called "acquaintances"?

 

 

Actually, FB does have a feature where you can categorize friends into acquaintances and such. I'm not sure how many people avail themselves of this feature though.

[Clockwork]

Before Facebook you couldn't air out your dirty laundry for the whole world to see. So that's a negative.

[Gloria25]

Actually, FB does have a feature where you can categorize friends into acquaintances and such. I'm not sure how many people avail themselves of this feature though.

 

Really?

 

Oh gosh, can you imagine the fights and disappointments from people who actually use that feature?

[toscaroscura]

Really?

 

Oh gosh, can you imagine the fights and disappointments from people who actually use that feature?

 

Nah, people won't see if you put them into "acquaintance" or if you mark them as a best friend. They are none the wiser. But it does control who pops up on your feed most often.

 

I have a lot of connections, between old school chums, a big family, and military and real life. But only a select few regularly feature on my feed.

[Els]

I agree with whomever said FB only reveals negative character traits that are present anyway. I'm not necessarily a fan of the Facebook corporation the way it has turned out, especially with how it's been constantly trying to encroach on privacy. But many of the relationship issues that are blamed on FB (cheating, self-centredness, etc) would all have come out sooner or later regardless of whether or not FB existed.

 

In terms of relationships in general (not just romantic ones), I do value FB for keeping in touch with old acquaintances. Sure, you can pick up the phone and call them, but especially when it's going to be an international call and cost you dearly, that's unlikely to happen on a regular basis. I'm of the mind that SOME form of keeping in touch is better than none at all, and if FB facilitates that then it's a good thing.

 

It all depends on how you use it. I'd strongly advise everyone to go through their privacy settings with a fine-toothed comb though.

[TigerLilly78]

Before Facebook you couldn't air out your dirty laundry for the whole world to see. So that's a negative.

 

Eh I dont know about that there has always been gossip just now its aired electronically instead of thu the grape vine..

Really?

 

Oh gosh, can you imagine the fights and disappointments from people who actually use that feature?

 

Yeah I know what you mean I know a few people who would have a melt down big time if they got demoted to "acquaintance" on anyone's list..me myself I have I think 24 friends on fb and thats it and in all honestly I prob talk to maybe 3 or 4 of those closely max..

[xxmusical]

I have such a love-hate feeling toward Facebook.

 

I honestly like the fact that I could keep in touch with many, many friends, especially friends and relatives who live around the world from me (about half of my friend list). I could be like, "I wonder how so-and-so are doing," and click-click-click, I could see what they're up to and quickly send them a message, etc. I know some people would prefer to pick up the phone and chat instead, but for some of us, typing and webcamming/skype are more convenient and affordable. I just wish the "like" function acts as a channel for those who genuinely care about you, that they "like" the pic/event because they truly like it instead of the "I'm-bored-scrolling-Facebook-and-happen-to-saw-this-but-I'm-too-lazy-to-type-a-proper-comment-but-whatever-it-seems-cool-so-I'll-just-click-like." The "like" function is carelessly overused.

 

At the same time, I'll be honest, back in the younger days, I'm guilty of being envious and obsessed with how many "likes" people have. Another thing is FB leads to even more gossipy girls nights... Facebook, along with other social media, magnified the need to be socially accepted. The number of "likes" has become something many people compete with because it "proves" who's more accepted and popular. It's high school all over but in computer-form.

[Diezel]

Seriously, what is ONE benefit of saying you are in a relationship with someone on Facebook?

 

Maybe it's just me, but the last thing I want is a list of my mistakes from 5 years ago to be present for someone else to see at their disposal from the get go. Anyone who feels like being "Facebook official" makes the relationship feel like a real thing, has definitely fallen for it. Just another one in the herd.

 

I had a "Facebook official" relationship once and all it did was bring me trouble.

 

"Why am I not in your profile picture?"

"Why didn't you like my status?"

"When you check in at places and I'm with you, why don't you tag me?"

 

Honestly, it's MORE work within a relationship than needs be. Now, I keep my relationships off of Facebook and I let them know. I MIGHT add someone to Facebook I am dating... if we are about to get married.

 

Other than that, I see no immediate benefit to having someone you are dating, on your Facebook.

[Els]

I had a "Facebook official" relationship once and all it did was bring me trouble.

 

"Why am I not in your profile picture?"

"Why didn't you like my status?"

"When you check in at places and I'm with you, why don't you tag me?"

 

Honestly, it's MORE work within a relationship than needs be. Now, I keep my relationships off of Facebook and I let them know. I MIGHT add someone to Facebook I am dating... if we are about to get married.

 

Nah, that's just your ex. We've had our status up on FB for years and there isn't any of that crap. It isn't a necessity by any means, but it's rather tiresome to hear people blame their relationship woes on a freakin' website.

[Winterina]

I refused to open up FB account from the start. I like my privacy.

If I want to keep in touch make a free video call and talk as long as I want, I have Skype. If someone is important enough I update them with what is going on in my life and vice versa.

 

 

My bf has FB. He rarely uses it and it is always open on our common computer. Some of my friends that tried to force me over the years to open FB saw their opportunity, and they become friends with him on FB. So now basically I am sometimes mooching off his FB... For example, the other day, when airplane crashed in Malasya/Indonesia and my friends that are connected with my bf on FB were on vacation there and going to take the same plane but turned out it was the next day...close call.

 

 

I am not sure what the effect of FB would be if he were hiding stuff about us to others (we live together)... or hiding his FB page from me... But he is pretty relaxed about it as when you don't have anything to hide you don't have anything to hide and we know each others friends and family anyway. And he put up this really lovely pic of us as his profile pic a while ago, and as far as I am concerned he did not have to as it is his Face that should be on the Book...

 

 

Someone once wrote here that the best thing he did for his marriage is to delete FB profile so you have those as well.

Edited December 30, 2014 by Winterina

[losangelena]

My boyfriend's not on facebook, so I have no concern about being "official" online.

 

Validation is a basic human need. If we all weren't "liking" things on facebook, we'd find other ways of getting it.

[E-Squared]

I am not an active user like I was until this past summer. When a friend of mine blocked me, which I am sure it was because I commented and liked the person's status updates one time too many, it made me take a break for nearly three weeks. It was actually a wake-up call to me.

 

After that, I mostly went on to just check what people do and to see if someone is online so that I can talk to that person. It is someone who I like and I do want to see how she is doing.

 

I will say that with me going on a lot less than I did before, I have kind of strayed from social media that I don't need to tell the world what I am doing, where I am, what I am eating, etc. I don't understand why people do that. If I do get in a relationship, I don't know if I would make it official on FB. It doesn't seem worth it. I even noticed women posting online how awesome their boyfriends are. Whup-dee-do!

[TB Rhine]

I think Facebook gets scapegoated for a lot. People were unfaithful before Facebook, and people publicly declared their relationships as a step in the process of solidifying them before Facebook... social media hasn't changed any of that. It's just one of those newfangled things that fogey-ish types like to complain about.

 

Take cell phones, for instance. Up until about 5-10 years ago, a good friend of mine (who's in his early forties) as well as my mom (who's in her early fifties) declared that they would never have anything to do with a cell phone, people don't need to be able to contact them ALL THE TIME, people are too "plugged in" and constantly connected these days, blah blah blah. Fast forward five years and they're both glued to their various hand-held devices as much as anyone else. Facebook is still relatively new (it's worth noting that even as late as 2008 or '09 MySpace was still the big thing and the rise of FB was still on the horizon), so it's still in that phase where people who haven't quite caught up with the times like to gripe about it.

[ASG]

I've said it here many times that I'm a big fan of FB. I think it serves its purpose well.

 

And that is to connect people. Someone asked how you can have 400+ "friends" on FB. I have over 700. And I know every single one of them personally. It's people I went to school with, people I worked with (I have many different work circles as well), people I am friends with, family, whatever. It adds up!

 

I do a clean up every few months, but end up not deleting many people each time.

 

I mean... I may not be FRIENDS with the girls I went to school with 20 years ago, but I sure like to know how they're doing in life, see the photos of their babies and whatnot, and I'm sure they like to see the same on my FB.

 

As for FB and romantic relationships, I think it's also great. I mean... if you want to make your relationship FB official, go for it! If you don't, don't! In and of itself, FB is not positive or detrimental to relationships.