Comfortable....

[Gloria25]

Something is seriously amiss here of you cannot even get a FWB that offers up regular sex.

 

Sex alone isn't enough to keep a RL going.

 

If RLs don't progress (i.e. marriage and/or kids) there's no "glue" to keep a guy around.

 

Coupled with me having everything a guy would normally get a gal (my own home, vehicle, money), there's nothing much for a guy to do for me.

 

Now, I've "tried" to allow them to do things for me - especially when they insist (i.e. handiguy stuff), but they're not stupid. After they spend time with me, they can see that I'm independent and I don't need anyone. I guess that makes them feel useless.

[Danda]

Grass is always greener, as they say and such.

 

Several of my female friends over the years have been way more attractive than myself, and yes it can have its cons, not just pure pros. Some of them had anxiety about whether or not a guy ever really liked their personality / who they were or not. Some of them were approached less because guys were more intimidated.

 

Being towards the other end of the "01-10" spectrum, my obstacles were different, in that getting initial attention/interest has always been much harder, but there is also a more comfortable, down to earth vibe about it when it finally happens.

 

And of course these are generalizations, and special exceptions happen all the time, almost to the point of losing their special exception status. But again I think it's just a 'grass is greener' complex. My attractive friends' worries and complaints made sense to me, and mine to them.

 

BUT these issues are really only issues during the first couple of phases in pursuit/courting. Everyone, male or female, has to use their obstacles to their advantage, as filters, for people who are super insecure, nefarious or otherwise nutty. Once an actual healthy LTR is underway it doesn't matter anymore, silly **** like leagues and whatever.

[Rejected Rosebud]

They're getting sex. What else more do they need?

if they just want sex they also might want a variety of partners, or younger, or different? Or, they meet a woman they really really like and want to be with who feels the same and then no more casual hookups!

 

 

Oh, when I started this thread, I should have added that it's not just about guys settling for chicks who don't doll themselves up. They are also settling for them who don't cook and/or maintain a clean household.

Why should they care if she cooks and cleans if it's just for sex?

 

So far I know of two chicks who didn't know how to clean their barracks room and/or condo, got married, and ended up divorced. So, I guess some guys do get tired of chicks that don't do certain things.

1) how do you know all about how these "chicks" take care of their stuff when you don't even know them? 2) why are you assuming that they are divorced because of their housekeeping?

 

You really seem to hate women, that is sad to me, and also just generally negative, it's not an attractive quality and maybe that is driving people (in general not just men) away from you?

[toscaroscura]

 

So far I know of two chicks who didn't know how to clean their barracks room and/or condo, got married, and ended up divorced. So, I guess some guys do get tired of chicks that don't do certain things.

 

This isn't important to many men, especially in the nerdier circles I run in. In my marriage, my ex cooked and both of us were a bit cluttery. It had nothing to do with why our marriage failed. Besides, I have way more to offer besides my sub-par Martha Stewart skills.

 

And even if it is important, people can forgive a lot if someone makes them feel amazing!

[BluEyeL]

Gloria, I have a Ph.D. and I am an Engineering Professor at a major university in the U.S. I make six figures and own my home. I also have a child full time (disadvantage in dating). I never had a problem attracting guys. Me thinks it's not your accomplishments that push men away and I urge you to look elsewhere.

 

I get that you're just venting here, but if you want something to change, you can only change yourself. I can't tell you what to change because I don't know you. Can be a lot of things: you're going for the wrong traits in men, you're too abrasive, you are too nice, you give sex too soon, you pursue men...who knows? But definitely men don't run away from how good your life is.

 

You also don't seem to want a relationship and therefore I am not sure what are you complaining about? Other women getting something that you DON'T want?

[Gloria25]

 

You also don't seem to want a relationship and therefore I am not sure what are you complaining about? Other women getting something that you DON'T want?

 

Exactly ^^ isn't that Krazy of me?

[Leigh 87]

Gloria, I have a Ph.D. and I am an Engineering Professor at a major university in the U.S. I make six figures and own my home. I also have a child full time (disadvantage in dating). I never had a problem attracting guys. Me thinks it's not your accomplishments that push men away and I urge you to look elsewhere.

 

I get that you're just venting here, but if you want something to change, you can only change yourself. I can't tell you what to change because I don't know you. Can be a lot of things: you're going for the wrong traits in men, you're too abrasive, you are too nice, you give sex too soon, you pursue men...who knows? But definitely men don't run away from how good your life is.

 

You also don't seem to want a relationship and therefore I am not sure what are you complaining about? Other women getting something that you DON'T want?

 

And I lack any degree and yet I have no trouble attracting men either.

 

Lesson: guys are attracted to women who they enjoy talking to. They don't require you to necessarily have a degree or your own mortgage.

Edited December 30, 2014 by Leigh 87

[Gloria25]

Ok, now that I think about it, it probably was me is why that guy left me for the 21 yr old with no life....

 

I remember hating when he called me cuz I'd be watching my Law and Order re-runs and when he'd call I'd be like saying to myself 'just hurry up with your call, cuz I'm missing my show'.

 

Well, I guess I wasn't giving him the attention he needed.

 

Again, different strokes for different folks I guess...Need to find someone who won't be calling me all the darn time.

[guest569]

I dont get why you think it is so important for a woman to possess some sort of university degree in order for her to part take in a relationship. It's not that hard!! Haha..

 

Sounds like You're fed up and bitter. But don't be a snob about it.

[Diezel]

They're getting sex. What else more do they need?

Like I said, I'm done trying to offer anything else. I don't know what they want.

 

The chick he dumped me for. "What" did she have to offer? I mean, she had no money, no education beyond high school, no ambition, no make-up, no style, and I had a better body. The only difference between her and I is that she - with nothing going on for her - had all the time in the world to coddle him.

 

Apparently, you don't know what you want either.

 

You have two very different ideas going on this thread, and this thread alone and that is confusing. You want something serious but you don't, but you don't understand why they don't stick around? What?

 

And there's a difference between an independent woman who will allow a man to be a man and an independent woman trying too hard to prove that she doesn't need anyone. It's off-putting. As a man, you get that vibe. I've dated quite a few independent women and I can always tell which ones had that "chip on their shoulders"... the one you seem to have.

 

Or, if I go by this thread alone, you just want to have a "relationship your way" and only at your convenience. To some guys, at certain stages of their life, it doesn't matter what women can offer. Maybe he wasn't thinking about that initially...but if I had to pick between the "educated" 40 year old who told me to hurry up with my call because she is missing her show versus the 21 year old who is ready to answer my call AND actually have a conversation... guess who I am picking.

[Anderlie]

You definitely have a lot of competition issues with women for whatever reason. It's not the other women that are stopping you from getting what you want, it's who you are and who you pick. Stop blaming all the external factors and start some introspection methinks.

[cif]

 

But seriously, I'm thinking of giving women a try. I was watching this kinda like Expendables - but the female version the other day and it was such a cool movie. I could get with a chick like in those movies. Eh, but then again, women are probably gonna want more attention then a guy would...I guess I can't win here.

 

Women = DRAMA

Don't know how men do it

 

I mean, relationships take too much energy and going on 40 I still don't know what guys want. I don't have time and energy to waste in this crap. I just need company now and then.

 

 

Coupled with me having everything a guy would normally get a gal (my own home, vehicle, money), there's nothing much for a guy to do for me.

 

Now, I've "tried" to allow them to do things for me - especially when they insist (i.e. handiguy stuff), but they're not stupid. After they spend time with me, they can see that I'm independent and I don't need anyone. I guess that makes them feel useless.

I guess you can say that, an exclusive FWB thing...

 

But, since I've gotten my feelings trampled on recently, I don't even want them around me more than a few hours. Like I think that after we have sex, I don't even want them to spend the night...I just want them to leave and we just call each other to set up a hook-up.

 

 

 

None of the things you posted about.. the superficial.. have anything to do with you not being in a relationship. The reason is right here in your own words, men are disposable to you.

 

I think I've posted this to you before but just in case.. stop trying to force yourself into a relationship. Trust me men sense this. You say you want a boyfriend.. well, why?

[Gloria25]

Sigh.

 

So much BS in this thread.

 

I'm a white guy. I live in Japan. I've been here for 10 years.

 

Japanese women DO NOT worship white men. Not here. Maybe in someplace like Cambodia, but here it's actually considered a step down the social ladder t date a non-Japanese.

 

Asian women aren't more "subservient" or any of that nonsense.

 

White guys like Asian women for ONE reason: they're HOT. They're slim, they take care of themselves, they dress well, they do their hair and make-up, they don't leave the house in sandals and sweatpants. They are feminine and gorgeous and act like women. White men that grew up in places like America, Australia and England where the women can pretty much pass for guys these days with the way they curse, drink, yell, etc. are astounded when they see the difference in Asian females.

 

So there you have it.

 

Go on...flame me. Call me a misongynist pig, insult me, whatever. I don't care. Being with a Japanese woman is like seeing a movie in full color HD for the first time....no way in hell I'm ever going back to a crappy old black and white tv.

 

Thank you fallenheart for posting this ^^....

 

I believe fallenheart articulated the point I was trying to make yesterday with my thread here....

 

While I'm not Asian, I grew up in a Hispanic culture and I guess it's just foreign to me to see how I guess "American" woman dress/groom and treat their guys - yet they're able to land guys.

 

Like fallenheart says, I guess some guys - until they experience something different - don't know the difference. And, IMO, I guess some guys are scared of trying something different and just resort to going back to "comfortable".

 

BTW, I agree that a lot of Asian women are not "submissive" - IMO, they just know how to treat a guy....things I was raised seeing and often do for guys I'm dating (casual or not).

 

For example. I went to this briefing when I was in the military. The wife, an Asian woman, got up and got her husband a tea. Now, it just wasn't her getting him a tea, you could tell "how" she did it, she was showing care, love, appreciation - that's what you gotta do for your guy. If he's outside working, you bring him a lemonade. One time my FWB was working on my vehicle in my garage, and it was cold. I made him a coffee and brought it to him - without him asking me. That's what you do for guys... I guess that's how I was raised (even though I came from a dysfunctional home).

 

Again, I just posted fallenhearts post to hope people get the point I was trying to make with my thread.

[Diezel]

While I'm not Asian, I grew up in a Hispanic culture and I guess it's just foreign to me to see how I guess "American" woman dress/groom and treat their guys - yet they're able to land guys.

 

I grew up in a Hispanic culture too, but they aren't going to see it your way when they've never lived like that.

 

These men just know what they know and nothing else, so how can you expect them to want anything different.

 

It's not about just playing the game, it's also knowing who the players are on the field. You have something to compare to. It's a double-edged sword. Believe me, it puts me at an advantage AND a disadvantage.

 

Take salsa, as an example. Every time I try it with an American woman, I have to embark on a 20 minute dissertation as to why the man leads. Anyone else, not so much. But take an American man and place it with an American woman, and the results may very well differ. It's all a matter of perspective but you need to understand that yours may not be shared by other women and definitely not other men.