Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I think I posted a while back on how I heard some men rate women on like a scale of 1 to 5 with like 3 being "pretty", but not unattractive or ok like a 1 or 2...And, not too pretty like a 4 or a 5. I can get where some people would feel "comfortable" with a certain type. I mean, if you get a person outside your league (well who you "think" is outside your league) you gotta probably worry about all the guys trying to ask her out on a date, if she'll get bored with you. I got it. I mean for example. I am fit. I work out on the regular. But do I want a gym rat? Noooo. I don't have time for people on weird/strict diets, who live at the gym and are probably so self absorbed about their looks. But..... What I don't get is taking "comfortable" with wanting a downgrade. I'm not the prettiest, richest, or smartest chick, but I don't get why/how I get dissed for chicks that are sometimes manipulative and/or don't have their stuff together. Now, I have had people say I'm condescending, but I believe that I treat my guys really well. I'm too nice (a doormat) if you will, cuz I'm trying so hard not to scare away a guy. One time I got involved with a guy who was in the military. I had my degree and outranked him and I had lots of responsibilities. He didn't. I didn't care. I just liked "him". Well, I started getting the fade...come to find out, he was messing with some chick 21 yr old who wasn't going to college, who's job in life was to "babysit" her sister or something (I guess she was a "dependa" in training). When I asked him "WTF"? He said he didn't feel "comfortable" around me. He did try to get back with me like a year later, but I was too hurt. I don't wanna be with someone who thinks they don't deserve the likes of me. So, that's why I try to find someone at or above me. I've kinda "been there and done that" with guys like I mentioned above. But, I'm starting this thread cuz I just don't get why some people get a taste of steak but prefer hamburger. I just don't get it. I rather be alone than take a downgrade or settle or obsess over someone who showed me attention. I can't stop being independent, athletic. I can't give back my degrees and accomplishments. I can't hide that I know how to handiwork and been "handling my business" on my own w/o depending on guys and am getting tired for being penalized for it. I don't know what more I can do to make a guy feel "comfortable" around me. Or maybe it's certain guys I'm picking?
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Again, I think I'm the "downdest to earth" person you're gonna meet. I mean, I've been through peer reviews and people at work and stuff throwing parties for me and I was/am surprised. They say that I'm 'quiet, but once you get to know me, I'm pretty cool'. So, I don't know what guys are seeing that makes them feel "uncomfortable" with the likes of me. I mean, I also like to dress up and/or put on make up when I go out with someone. I guess most chicks don't do that now a days? One time I was at the mall with my FWB and when we met up, he was like "oh, you're so nice looking. Is that all for me?" and gosh darn, isn't that what you're supposed to do? Look nice for a guy you're seeing? Well, there you go, I probably intimidated him too. I guess a gal putting on some light make up is too much for some guys to want to handle? Gessh...
guest569 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I think he was just trying to give you a compliment, wasn't he? 1
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 I think he was just trying to give you a compliment, wasn't he? No, he really meant "You did this for me?"...He was serious. He was wearing a T-shirt and cargo pants. All I had on were some like strappy/sandals and a casual/fitting top and sorta pull-string get up. Like the chick in the pic below, but heels not so high and tighter/short-sleeved top. http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v2/996677288_1/Hot-Sale-New-2014-Brand-Casual-Women-font-b-Pants-b-font-Solid-Color-font-b.jpg
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I am having a little trouble following your points! Are you saying that all the guys you have dated turned from you to women you think are a "downgrade" from you? Also I don't know what you want, you have said before that you don't want a relationship, guys who do want one are not going to hang around. So what are you "picking" guys for? 3
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 I am having a little trouble following your points! Are you saying that all the guys you have dated turned from you to women you think are a "downgrade" from you? Also I don't know what you want, you have said before that you don't want a relationship, guys who do want one are not going to hang around. So what are you "picking" guys for? Well yes, part of me thinks my standoffish ways may make some guys think I'm not into them. That could be it. I could be nothing related to my appearance. But gosh, the guy I mentioned in this post. The chick he dumped me for. "What" did she have to offer? I mean, she had no money, no education beyond high school, no ambition, no make-up, no style, and I had a better body. The only difference between her and I is that she - with nothing going on for her - had all the time in the world to coddle him.
guest569 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 You think because you are good looking and educated that men are intimidated, and go for no hopers instead? I think there is probably more to it than that. For one thing, not everyone judges people on their looks or the piece of paper they got upon graduation. 2
toscaroscura Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Whether that "dependa" seemed like hamburger to you is irrelevant. She obviously offered him something he valued. Perhaps to him, she was steak. Despite not having the outward markers of someone "worthy", like makeup, athleticism or formal education (on which you do seem to place a lot of importance). 2
mysteryscape Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Women generally want men who are above them in status, accomplishment, dominance; and men want the complement of this. On the other hand, most men are very happy to be with women who are better looking. It's the way of the species, like it or not. You also see this in women's preference for men who are at least as tall as they are, and preferably taller; for men who earn more; for men who are at least as intelligent; etc. etc. etc. So, men who are of inferior status will often leave women who are great for them in every other way.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 But you know some people just connect, like they click together and that guy was clearly not feeling that way with you, and is with his girlfriend. It's not all about one person being better or worse than another, and I bet you don't even know that girl at all anyway.
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Well yes, part of me thinks my standoffish ways may make some guys think I'm not into them. That could be it. I could be nothing related to my appearance. But gosh, the guy I mentioned in this post. The chick he dumped me for. "What" did she have to offer? I mean, she had no money, no education beyond high school, no ambition, no make-up, no style, and I had a better body. The only difference between her and I is that she - with nothing going on for her - had all the time in the world to coddle him. Now, the other guy I mentioned in another post. The one that left me for the town ho? Well, she actually was a high-maintenance chick. Her "uniform" was make-up, hair did, nails, heels - get my drift. Yet she "claimed" that she was cleaning people's houses for a living. While she put more into her appearance than I did/do. She also was nothing but a blue-collar golddigger - better yet, a military groupie who also was looking for a green card. So, while in appearance she was an upgrade from me, she also had nothing going for her.
DivorcedDad123 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I think alot has to do with guys being comfortable in their own skin. If they aren't,then they aren't going to be comfortable with you. The 21 yr old,...meh...probably more to do with bragging rights than anything and she probably had a rockin body. Guys do stupid things sometimes. My gf has a masters and wants her Phd. Doesn't bother me a bit. There's still things she doesn't know that I help her with. It irks her that I make more money:laugh: I think it's your picker. You need a guy who's content being himself and not in competition with anyone. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Whether that "dependa" seemed like hamburger to you is irrelevant. She obviously offered him something he valued. Perhaps to him, she was steak. Despite not having the outward markers of someone "worthy", like makeup, athleticism or formal education (on which you do seem to place a lot of importance). Yeah, she offered him "attention". But really, what's so gratifying about "attention" from someone who's giving it to you cuz they have nothing else going on for them?
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 I think alot has to do with guys being comfortable in their own skin. If they aren't,then they aren't going to be comfortable with you. The 21 yr old,...meh...probably more to do with bragging rights than anything and she probably had a rockin body. Guys do stupid things sometimes. My gf has a masters and wants her Phd. Doesn't bother me a bit. There's still things she doesn't know that I help her with. It irks her that I make more money:laugh: I think it's your picker. You need a guy who's content being himself and not in competition with anyone. I agree with you about guys needing to be "comfortable" with themselves... But no, the 21 yr old did NOT have a rockin' body. Just trust me on this one. She had an "average" body with a little "giggly". And, I'm not tooting my own horn. Now, the town ho. Yes, she had a nice body. I'll give her that. But the guys in out unit (except the guy that dumped me) looked past the town-ho's looks and were like "nah, no thanks". In other words, they thought with more than their penises.
toscaroscura Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Yeah, she offered him "attention". But really, what's so gratifying about "attention" from someone who's giving it to you cuz they have nothing else going on for them? This is all just your opinion and perception, that all she offered was attention. And who are you to say some woman you don't even know has nothing going for her?? We would have to ask him what she offered. I bet he would tell a different story. Even if, for argument's sake, all she did offer was attention, who's to say that's not what he craves and loves in his relationships? You admit yourself you can be cold and stand-offish. She might have been so warm and loving and giving of attention that nothing else mattered. People will forget what you said People will forget what you did But people will never forget how you made them feel.-Maya Angelou 1
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 But you know some people just connect, like they click together and that guy was clearly not feeling that way with you, and is with his girlfriend. It's not all about one person being better or worse than another, and I bet you don't even know that girl at all anyway. No, I never got to know the 21 yr old. But, obviously there wasn't a thing there. He came asking me for another chance and I was like "nope". But without even knowing her. I think we, especially after doing the "dating-go-round" can look and see things from the outside. Again, like I said, chick had nothing going for her. I don't see how that's attractive to a guy.
aggie382 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I mean, I also like to dress up and/or put on make up when I go out with someone. I guess most chicks don't do that now a days? One time I was at the mall with my FWB and when we met up, he was like "oh, you're so nice looking. Is that all for me?" and gosh darn, isn't that what you're supposed to do? Look nice for a guy you're seeing? Well, there you go, I probably intimidated him too. I guess a gal putting on some light make up is too much for some guys to want to handle? Gessh... No, I think he was taken back that any woman would meet up at the mall dressed like that, and that his FWB - not someone he's actually 'seeing', just a FWB - would dress up for him, because FWB's don't dress up for people. The whole OP and posts thereafter make it sound like you're trying to not look like you try hard, but you actually really do. And people who are down to earth and well-liked don't have to tell people that. 2
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 No, I think he was taken back that any woman would meet up at the mall dressed like that, and that his FWB - not someone he's actually 'seeing', just a FWB - would dress up for him, because FWB's don't dress up for people. The whole OP and posts thereafter make it sound like you're trying to not look like you try hard, but you actually really do. And people who are down to earth and well-liked don't have to tell people that. Well, I think these guys aren't giving me a chance to get to know me well. And I'm kind of an "odd ball" I mean. I'm a one-man woman, but I don't have to call you every day...and, I'm usually busy juggling 10 things. I guess they're taking that as a lack of interest. I don't agree on the FWB thing though. That's why I posted a pic of something like I was wearing. I think it was casual. I just like looking good when I'm out with a guy - casual or not. Don't guys want their chick to put on a little makeup and heels? Geesh Going back to the "uncomfy" guy. I remember one time we came back from a long term training and he came back a few hrs before me and was blowing up my phone...but I came back later cuz I have more rank and responsibilities. I had to check on my peeps, make sure equipment came back. I also wanted to trim and paint my nails and relax my hair before he came over...Gosh darn, he took that as me blowing him off. Ok whatever
CALOVELY Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 No, I think he was taken back that any woman would meet up at the mall dressed like that, and that his FWB - not someone he's actually 'seeing', just a FWB - would dress up for him, because FWB's don't dress up for people. The whole OP and posts thereafter make it sound like you're trying to not look like you try hard, but you actually really do. And people who are down to earth and well-liked don't have to tell people that. OP, you sound young. Could your age and lack of life experience play in to your fears? I do not mean that as an insult in any way, just that when we are young we worry and stress about things we do not when we are older.
toscaroscura Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 You kind of did blow him off though. You knew he was blowing up your phone. If it were me, I'd have sent him a quick reassuring text that I was busy and I'd text him later. Then I'd make sure I did.
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 OP, you sound young. Could your age and lack of life experience play in to your fears? I do not mean that as an insult in any way, just that when we are young we worry and stress about things we do not when we are older. I'm going on 40 here... And, while cuz of my age and experience I've gotten to learn to be comfortable under my own skin...when certain things keep on happening to "me", how can I not wonder what's going on. Really, I mean I'm going on 40 and if I have "all that" goin' on for me. Why do certain things happen to me? That's kind of the purpose of my thread. Maybe I need to change the guys I pick?
Author Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 You kind of did blow him off though. You knew he was blowing up your phone. If it were me, I'd have sent him a quick reassuring text that I was busy and I'd text him later. Then I'd make sure I did. Well, I forgot to add that cuz we were gone for so long - at that time my cel did not have service where we went training to. The battery was also low. I tried calling him back, but phone died. Lol.
aggie382 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Well, I think these guys aren't giving me a chance to get to know me well. And I'm kind of an "odd ball" I mean. I'm a one-man woman, but I don't have to call you every day...and, I'm usually busy juggling 10 things. I guess they're taking that as a lack of interest. I don't get it. You're speaking of yourself as though you're some magical unicorn. I promise you, you're not a special snowflake. I am as you describe as are all the women I know. It's nothing new really. This isn't the 50's or 60's. Women are now independent and have their sh-t together all while looking good. It's the expectation and the norm, not the exception. I don't agree on the FWB thing though. That's why I posted a pic of something like I was wearing. I think it was casual. I just like looking good when I'm out with a guy - casual or not. Don't guys want their chick to put on a little makeup and heels? Geesh You're not his chick. You're the woman he's sleeping with and not committed to. He was taken back because you're doing just as 'his chick' would do. But you're not his chick, so it was strange. Going back to the "uncomfy" guy. I remember one time we came back from a long term training and he came back a few hrs before me and was blowing up my phone...but I came back later cuz I have more rank and responsibilities. I had to check on my peeps, make sure equipment came back. I also wanted to trim and paint my nails and relax my hair before he came over...Gosh darn, he took that as me blowing him off. Ok whatever Cool story, bro. Like, why do you even have to bring up your rank and responsibilities? Why not just say that you weren't checking your phone for a few hours? It's not that these guys want a hamburger. They just want a piece of meat that is humble. Acting like you have something to prove isn't attractive to most men. Ya know? 3
aggie382 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 OP, you sound young. Could your age and lack of life experience play in to your fears? I do not mean that as an insult in any way, just that when we are young we worry and stress about things we do not when we are older. Did you mean to quote me? I am not the OP. Why is there a Pinterest url in your post?
Leigh 87 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I think I'm both things. To some guys. I'm studying to be a podiatrist in February and I am about to start my own clothing label as a weekend job. Plus I think I'm pretty to some men and I try to be friendly and make guys feel comfortable. Try to look nice all the whilst basking in your professional and personal achievements. Decent guys want to be attracted to your looks and personality, while also admiring your life direction and/pretty personal achievements. 1
Recommended Posts