HazyCosmicJive Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 In your opinion, what behaviors constitute vanity in a man? Assuming vanity is a turn-off, what are the kinds of things that would turn you off when otherwise you might be interested in a guy?
Got it Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 In your opinion, what behaviors constitute vanity in a man? Assuming vanity is a turn-off, what are the kinds of things that would turn you off when otherwise you might be interested in a guy? Same things that would make a woman vain. Excessive interest in themselves and only themselves. 3
toscaroscura Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Vanity as a trait doesn't really bother me, whether in a man I'm dating or friends of mine. Some of my friends are vainer than others. Liking to look good or knowing you are attractive isn't a sin IMO. What I don't like is when they turn the vanity outward. Think of the queen bee who puts down her friends for not measuring up. And the vainest guy I knew years ago IRL constantly criticized his GF for everything, because what was most important about her was how she made HIM look. Heaven forbid she not be perfect all the time. She was gorgeous, but very neurotic and had an eating disorder and he didn't help matters. OTOH, I know a (somewhat less) vain guy who is very into his own appearance, but he's also totally chill and great to talk to. But it's a running joke among his friends that he takes longer than us women to get ready for a night out. He tends to have beautiful GFs but I have never seen him be anything but kind to them.
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Vanity as a trait doesn't really bother me, whether in a man I'm dating or friends of mine. Some of my friends are vainer than others. Liking to look good or knowing you are attractive isn't a sin IMO. What I don't like is when they turn the vanity outward. Think of the queen bee who puts down her friends for not measuring up. And the vainest guy I knew years ago IRL constantly criticized his GF for everything, because what was most important about her was how she made HIM look. Heaven forbid she not be perfect all the time. She was gorgeous, but very neurotic and had an eating disorder and he didn't help matters. OTOH, I know a (somewhat less) vain guy who is very into his own appearance, but he's also totally chill and great to talk to. But it's a running joke among his friends that he takes longer than us women to get ready for a night out. He tends to have beautiful GFs but I have never seen him be anything but kind to them. Personally, I think a man wearing flashy jewelery and excessive cologne is vain and cheesy, especially if it's at work. It's not my style, but I guess some women think it's attractive. Liking to look your best is one thing, but when a man starts acting too "feminine", in my opinion, I just shake my head. 2
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Same things that would make a woman vain. Excessive interest in themselves and only themselves. Thanks, but I was looking for something more specific. Such as, should I be worried about my monobrow?
toscaroscura Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Personally, I think a man wearing flashy jewelery and excessive cologne is vain and cheesy, especially if it's at work. It's not my style, but I guess some women think it's attractive. Liking to look your best is one thing, but when a man starts acting too "feminine", in my opinion, I just shake my head. As I'm not a "flashy" person, men who are more vain and wear flashy things tend not to do much for me. But I just chalk it up to incompatibility; I don't think there's anything wrong with it. They generally aren't attracted to me either, and that's fine. As far as masculinity vs. femininity, I don't attribute those qualities to outward markings that much. A flashy man wearing an impeccably tailored designer suit can be very masculine, and a down-to-earth woman who dresses plainly and wears no makeup can be very feminine. That's more to do with who they are and the energy they project, than what they choose to wear. Just my opinion, of course. Thanks, but I was looking for something more specific. Such as, should I be worried about my monobrow? If you don't like how it looks, by all means trim it! Don't get hung up on whether it's too "feminine".
nofeelings22 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Answering from the collective opinions of many women I know. Rule of thumb: It's no good if he takes longer than she does to get ready. 2
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 As I'm not a "flashy" person, men who are more vain and wear flashy things tend not to do much for me. But I just chalk it up to incompatibility; I don't think there's anything wrong with it. They generally aren't attracted to me either, and that's fine. As far as masculinity vs. femininity, I don't attribute those qualities to outward markings that much. A flashy man wearing an impeccably tailored designer suit can be very masculine, and a down-to-earth woman who dresses plainly and wears no makeup can be very feminine. That's more to do with who they are and the energy they project, than what they choose to wear. Just my opinion, of course. If you don't like how it looks, by all means trim it! Don't get hung up on whether it's too "feminine". So then we agree that men who wear flashy jewelry are vain. As for my monobrow, I don't really care, it's just that I had a girlfriend who used to want to pluck it.
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Answering from the collective opinions of many women I know. Rule of thumb: It's no good if he takes longer than she does to get ready. Yeah, I think that's a good rule of thumb. I don't understand what a guy could possibly be doing to take that long to get ready. Women have to do their hair and apply makeup. What could a guy do that would be that time consuming?
nofeelings22 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Yeah, I think that's a good rule of thumb. I don't understand what a guy could possibly be doing to take that long to get ready. Women have to do their hair and apply makeup. What could a guy do that would be that time consuming? I don't think they mean it literally, but staring in the mirror for great lengths of time fawning over how beautiful he is... not good. 2
Gloria25 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Yeah, I say too much grooming, manicured nails (especially if he gets clear nail polish), expensive/name brand clothing ALWAYS, expensive wheels (especially with rims), and has to live in a "lofty" place (i.e. a $250K or more home - especially if he has no or grown kids, a flat in expensive part of the city). While I appreciate a guy with style and stuff. I don't have the energy and/or funds to "keep up with the Joneses".
Danda Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Well my understanding is that if a guy walks into a party like he's walking onto a yacht, then he's probably vain. The hat dipped below one eye tends to be a dead giveaway, as well. 1
USMCHokie Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 As I'm not a "flashy" person, men who are more vain and wear flashy things tend not to do much for me. But I just chalk it up to incompatibility; I don't think there's anything wrong with it. They generally aren't attracted to me either, and that's fine. To dovetail off of this, I think that "vanity" is often thrown around as projection of one's own shortcomings and insecurities. If you lack something, e.g., flashy things, then you will see those with flashy things as "vain" to protect yourself from feeling bad about not having flashy things and not being able to attract those with flashy things. So each person will have a different definition of vanity, most often based on herself...rather than, "you don't want me because I don't have X," you say "I don't want you because you're vain due to X"...
Lernaean_Hydra Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 To me, vanity is all determined by how into his looks a guy is. Flashy cars and jewelery, expensive place, etc. That's not exactly vain to me. I guess perhaps I'm hypersensitive to the term because I've been called vain purely because of the car I drive which is ridiculous. True vanity, IMO is excessive concern or pride in ones looks or dress. It's one thing to look good, it's something else entirely to devote undue amounts of time and interest into your appearance.
Haydn Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Yeah, I say too much grooming, manicured nails (especially if he gets clear nail polish), expensive/name brand clothing ALWAYS, expensive wheels (especially with rims), and has to live in a "lofty" place (i.e. a $250K or more home - especially if he has no or grown kids, a flat in expensive part of the city). While I appreciate a guy with style and stuff. I don't have the energy and/or funds to "keep up with the Joneses". You just listed some of my best points.
regine_phalange Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 My idea of vain people, hmmm. I think vain people give so much importance to a perfect appearance that they easily miss social gatherings.. either because they spend too much time dolling up and when they're done the party is almost over, or because their cowlick is out of control
autumnnight Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Are they so vain, they probably think this thread is about them....hahaha When I think vain I think completely self-absorbed and expecting the world to revolve around them. Yuck. 2
newmoon Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 it is vanity when they take significant time with their looks/appearance, but also when they need constant adoration and compliments. 1
me85 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 If he's anything like Dennis on It's Always Sunny... Vanity can be tolerated in small doses but there are those who are completely narcissistic. My ex was that way. But I was wildly attracted to his extremely good looks but that makes me a little vain too though. If you really think about it. Right? /= 1
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 To me, vanity is all determined by how into his looks a guy is. Flashy cars and jewelery, expensive place, etc. That's not exactly vain to me. I guess perhaps I'm hypersensitive to the term because I've been called vain purely because of the car I drive which is ridiculous. True vanity, IMO is excessive concern or pride in ones looks or dress. It's one thing to look good, it's something else entirely to devote undue amounts of time and interest into your appearance. I agree with this. When I see someone like that I always think they're compensating for something. I guess we all have our insecurities - we're only human. However, when the concern about one's appearance becomes excessive, there's got to be something behind it. 1
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 My idea of vain people, hmmm. I think vain people give so much importance to a perfect appearance that they easily miss social gatherings.. either because they spend too much time dolling up and when they're done the party is almost over, or because their cowlick is out of control I hate my cowlick. 1
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 If he's anything like Dennis on It's Always Sunny... Vanity can be tolerated in small doses but there are those who are completely narcissistic. My ex was that way. But I was wildly attracted to his extremely good looks but that makes me a little vain too though. If you really think about it. Right? /= If you see the other person as a status symbol I think that could be considered vain. For me, personality is half of the attraction. I'd rather a woman be cute with a great personality than drop-dead gorgeous but annoying, dumb, or stuck up.
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