Adv1c3S33k3r555 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Hi Everyone, I am currently in a relationship with a girl whom I love very much. We are completely honest with each other about everything, and I couldn't be happier. The reason I come for advice is the following: We have been dating for about a year, and about 4 months into our relationship I went to a high school friends wedding. I shared a hotel room with 2 other guys and 1 girl, and when I was down there, I made the huge mistake of sharing a bed with the one girl who stayed in the room with us. There were 2 beds and 4 people, so we all shared beds, but me (being the idiot that I am) couldn't make the rationale decision at the time that it was a horrible idea to share a bed with another girl when you're in a relationship. Absolutely nothing happened, and nothing ever would have happened. It was simply me sleeping next to a female (both fully clothed) in a hotel room. More specifically, the reason it actually happened is because the kid who she was going to sleep next to ended up getting a lap dance from somebody that night, and this girl no longer wanted to sleep in the same bed as him. I easily could have gotten out of the situation of sleeping next to this girl, but I did not because I was a drunken fool. I think in my state of mind that night was thinking with it would be kind of "cool" to sleep in the same bed as another girl, so I didn't object do it, while at the same timing knowing there was no chance I was ever going to do anything with this girl. When I got home, I immediately told my girlfriend what happened, and she was very upset (rightfully so). I filled her in on all of the specifics of what I just discussed, including the lap-dance incident and how my state of mind at the time almost looked at it as something "cool" that could happen. I made a huge mistake, and while I did not actually do anything with this girl, I betrayed my girlfriend's trust by doing this. We have discussed this several times since the incident, and she decided to forgive me. Ever since this happened, it basically woke the beast which was the state of my past relationship in college. I dated a girl for about 2 years (different girl obviously) in college, in which it was a relationship which I cheated more than just once. There were probably a dozen occasions where I either kissed another girl, was hitting on another girl, trying to hook up with another girl, talking to girls, etc. during my past relationship. I was 21-22 years old at the time and in college. My ex and I ended up breaking up a few years ago. I told her about a few (but not all) of the instances of what happened when we were dating. Since we broke up, I have had a lot of time to reflect on that relationship and all of the stupid things that I did. Looking back, I almost can't believe how immaturely I acted. I acted like a complete jackass. There is no way what I did was simply one "mistake", since it happened so many times. Looking back, I have realized a few things. Number 1, I was way too immature and selfish to handle a relationship. I never should have wasted her time by staying in this relationship, and feel way more horrible about it now than I ever did when I was actually dating this girl. Number 2, I think part of what pushed me to cheat was because I really did not want to be in the relationship with her for most of the duration of the relationship. I actually remember multiple times where we would get in fights and I would think to myself that I hoped we would break up. That is not a sign of a person in love. So, rather than break up with her like a mature person would have done, I rather just stayed in the relationship and continued to cheat on her. I was actually quite unhappy in this relationship, but didn't do anything about it. A completely selfish, immature act on my end. I am 100% happy to be out of that relationship - I was never really that happy in it, and we just weren't right for each other. I also obviously didn't deserve this relationship given all of my actions. The reason I am giving all of these details is because when I started dating my current girlfriend, I promised myself that nothing even close to what happened in my past college relationship would ever happen again. I was going to be completely honest and never cheat on a girl again. While I don't really think that what I did in my current relationship is "cheating", I still betrayed my current girlfriends trust and it is absolutely killing me. Again, we have talked about it in great detail and she ended up forgiving me, but I am having a hard time forgiving myself. I look at myself in the mirror and just ask myself how the hell I made the mistake of sleeping in the same bed as another female. This has obviously awoken past demons from my past relationship. I feel like a horrible person who isn't worthy of a happy relationship. The reason I am having a hard time letting this go is due to my mistakes in my past relationship which I detailed above. I just wanted to get some people's thoughts on this. Thanks for reading.
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Whatever you did when you were young & dumb, like we all were, is in the past. You have learned from it & promised to do better. You were & are doing better. While sleeping in the same bed wasn't the smartest idea you said you both remained fully clothed & nothing happened, so it is not all that terrible. Your GF forgave you. Forgive yourself.
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