Mrs.Witter Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Let me give you a little background before I begin I havent been in a serious relationship in 5 years. Ive been dating on the net and it sucks took a lot of crap I was tired before I started I am even more over it now. About 3 months ago met a guy didnt think it would go anywhere but behold! here we are . Anyway he never wined and dined me so to speak and Im ok with that plus he told me he is bad with money. I am not great with money myself so I didnt judge but ive noticed lately he's been leaning on me for ciggarettes and what not . Now I dont mind helping out a boyfriend I am not one to rely soley on my partner but here is the problem It doesnt seem like I can rely on him the way he does on me. Its frustrating because I want to give this relationship a chance not many people out here want to commit . I dont know what to do because I hate having to coach him like hes a child because hes 11 years older than me and I dont want to pressure him in that way either . Can anyone give me advice how to approach this?
Tayken Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 @OP...do you smoke yourself? A relationship where neither partner is not good with finances can lead to disaster. This needs to be discussed and not ignored because eventually this monster will raise its ugly head and it won't be pretty. If someone is 11 yrs older than you, you expect them to be at least a little wiser than you are. OLD is full of people looking to take advantage, and this is why they resort to OLD as opposed to meeting people in person.
Cocochai Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Let me give you a little background before I begin I havent been in a serious relationship in 5 years. Ive been dating on the net and it sucks took a lot of crap I was tired before I started I am even more over it now. About 3 months ago met a guy didnt think it would go anywhere but behold! here we are . Anyway he never wined and dined me so to speak and Im ok with that plus he told me he is bad with money. I am not great with money myself so I didnt judge but ive noticed lately he's been leaning on me for ciggarettes and what not . Now I dont mind helping out a boyfriend I am not one to rely soley on my partner but here is the problem It doesnt seem like I can rely on him the way he does on me. Its frustrating because I want to give this relationship a chance not many people out here want to commit . I dont know what to do because I hate having to coach him like hes a child because hes 11 years older than me and I dont want to pressure him in that way either . Can anyone give me advice how to approach this? Omg I'm in a similar situation lol. The only thing I can tell you is to communicate what you need out of him in order to make it work. If he's only meeting you half way, and you settle while your unhappy you will be upset with yourself later. Also if your having sex w/ him he should at least wine and dine you not all the time, but don't make it feel like a FWB type thing. Good luck!
Author Mrs.Witter Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 I dont smoke actually. I have discussed it with him but I think I need to explicitly tell him this and not tell him again . because helping each other is not working out. thanx for the advice though I agree with what you said.
Author Mrs.Witter Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 Omg I'm in a similar situation lol. The only thing I can tell you is to communicate what you need out of him in order to make it work. If he's only meeting you half way, and you settle while your unhappy you will be upset with yourself later. Also if your having sex w/ him he should at least wine and dine you not all the time, but don't make it feel like a FWB type thing. Good luck! He's not even meeting me half way I WISH he was doing that . He's trying but still coming up short. He's the oldest person I've dated and while sex can be hot its lacking because he has issues with that . I dont want to sound vain or bitchy but it kinda adds up for me . thanx for the advice though.
spiderowl Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, dump him! It will not get better. He is used to this behaviour and it has paid off often enough in the past for it to have become habit now. You will always be looking after him. If you want a proper relationship and children one day, bear in mind you will always have this extra child to look after too. You will suffer untold stress trying to cope with a financial burden that should be shared. You will spend time encouraging him to get work, retrain, whatever, and none of it will work. Believe me. I speak from experience! 1
preraph Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 You need to stop it right now. You're his new mommy and that's never sexy. No one is supposed to keep anyone else in cigarettes or any other vice. Nip this before it goes any further. He's looking for someone to mooch off of. Don't be that person. You'll hate yourself for it down the road. 1
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