America11 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted about this before but I have seen her since. Me (25M) met a girl (23) that lives in my building. Exchanged numbers, texted a few weeks, finally hung out and got along great, she texts me the next 3 days and hints at dinner, we go eat and get along great again, both agree we will do it again. Stay in contact. Try to get her to hang out again and she says she is working (works nights in ICU). Still stay in contact, tried again after 2 weeks, she doesnt respond to my text. Took it that she lost interest (IDK why)moved on. 10 days later she texts me like we're friends, I respond but move on again. Go a month with no contact. Run into her and her sister one night. She seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. Talked to them briefly. My friend said to give her the benefit of the doubt for being sketchy (work took a huge toll on her) & text her the next day since we just saw one another. Text her it was good seeing her, asked what she was up to that weekend. She said she was working. Next week our building had a holiday party for residents. Text her that she is welcome to come with me and my roommates. She said her sister is back in town so I knew then she wouldnt be going. Looks like she still isnt interested. I have been told to stay persistent but there is a fine line between that and desperation (she has never outright said NO but I can take a hint). May send her a Happy New Years text. If she responds tell her she is always welcome to come hang out with me and my roommates. An open invitation to put the ball in her court and leave it at that. Being neighbors we def will run into each other again. Have I seemed desperate or would this final text be desperate?
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 She probably doesn't want to date a guy in her building because things will get awkward if they don't work out. If you ever have a party, invite her but do not chase any more. She knows where to find you. 3
Author America11 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 Well technically she did go on a date with me. I never mentioned "dating" to her. Just thought since we are neighbors and about the same age, we could get to know one another and be friends. She seemed to be on the same page since she suggested we exchange numbers the day we met. She is the one that made it awkward by not being honest with me and just kinda fading out without giving me a reason. Its a mystery. Ive made it clear that I would still like to try and hang out again at some point so I guess an open invite is kinda pointless. If she ever wants to hang out again she can let me know, but I def wont sit around waiting on that to happen. Ill probably just text her happy new year just like I will with a lot of my other friends. May as well stay friendly, figure that cant hurt...
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 If after one date she never agreed again, she probably isn't interested & is trying to find a way to be gracious, even if she is not doing the best job. Leave her be. Smile & say hello in the halls but don't press. 1
Author America11 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 If after one date she never agreed again, she probably isn't interested & is trying to find a way to be gracious, even if she is not doing the best job. Leave her be. Smile & say hello in the halls but don't press. I agree and think this is the best thing to do, I have deleted our text thread anyway. My friends have told me to persist but I am glad I got an outsiders opinion that I agree with. I would have understood if she didnt want to hang out again after the first time because she didnt enjoy my company. But she obviously did because after that, she wanted to get dinner and it went almost exactly like the other time we hung out, then she loses interest. Wish she wouldve just told me to avoid confusion. Girls are tough to understand lol
Jules Dash Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Enjoying your company and being romantically interested in you are two different things. She probably thinks you are interesting and fun but doesn't want to send mixed messages. I don't think she is confusing. I think her actions are pretty straight forward. She is showing clear signs of not being interested. I wouldn't take it a bad way. Despite putting your best foot forward, it happens. 1
TB Rhine Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) If you're hot, being persistent = sexy and validating. If you're not, persistence = creepy stalker behavior ohmagerd OMG!!!! When you didn't speak for several days she either lost interest, or assumed you'd lost interest in her and followed suit. Did you ever try to make a move? More important, was there ever a situation that was obviously conducive to making a move (such as being alone in your apartment or hers, especially if consumption of alcohol was involved) and you didn't? Nothing will kill your chances with a woman quicker. Any "out of the blue" contacts after being out of touch for days or weeks are most likely attempts by the girl to puff up her self-esteem by soliciting attention from you. Edited December 30, 2014 by TB Rhine 2
Author America11 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) I guess she is somewhat attracted to me. She introduced herself to me, got my #, initiated the first few texts. We texted some but didnt hang out until like a month later. She texted one night after 2 weeks without texting when she could have lost interest. Got to her place around midnight & we talked for over an hour. I was a little drunk from a concert, she was sober & had work at 5am. She seemed into me but a move didnt feel right since I had been drinking some and she hadn't. Grab dinner that next Friday after she texted me a few days in a row. It was pretty quick because she was going out of town with a girl she is friends with later that night. She told me that before I even asked her to go. It was bad timing to go that night but our momentum was good and she was excited to go. We went back to her apt for a few minutes after dinner before her friend came to pick her up. Gave each other a hug and said we would def go eat again on a better night. Maybe I should have tried to kiss her? Our schedules didnt really allow us to see each other next few weeks but I stayed in contact regular so she wouldnt think I lost interest. If anything, I wasnt persistent enough and moved too slow because I am shy. Thats why my friends think I should be persistent after seeing her again. But she has lost interest and its too late. Edited December 30, 2014 by America11
Adelaide86 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Persistence without making a move is going to put you in the friend category, not where you want to be. If I was into a guy and we appeared to have chemistry and then he was alone with me in my apartment twice (once kind of drunk) and didn't make any sort of move on me I would probably lose a lot if not all attraction for him. It's no lie that women like a guy who will take charge at least to a certain extent; timidness is unattractive. Chances are she was into you in the beginning but she lost interest in you sexually after you failed to make a move. 2
E-Squared Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Persistence without making a move is going to put you in the friend category, not where you want to be. If I was into a guy and we appeared to have chemistry and then he was alone with me in my apartment twice (once kind of drunk) and didn't make any sort of move on me I would probably lose a lot if not all attraction for him. It's no lie that women like a guy who will take charge at least to a certain extent; timidness is unattractive. Chances are she was into you in the beginning but she lost interest in you sexually after you failed to make a move. This sounds familiar to me. I remember I "dated" this one girl many years ago who liked me and because I was so lonely and bitter at the time, any woman who showed interest in me would have done it for me. However, I learned that I wasn't exactly into her and she was able to see that. She called it off after two weeks. Okay, I am not sure exactly where the line draws from being persistent and being pushy. This is one thing that I never understood about women. If some guy tries to be persistent initially, he is seen as pushy, but if he is taking things slowly, then he seems not interested. What is the deal?
Danda Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Okay, I am not sure exactly where the line draws from being persistent and being pushy. This is one thing that I never understood about women. If some guy tries to be persistent initially, he is seen as pushy, but if he is taking things slowly, then he seems not interested. What is the deal? TB Rhine is correct, it all depends on whether or not the attention is wanted. If a woman is into you then it will be exciting if you chase her. If she not into you then it will freak her out. It's more about that element than lines in the sand. When it comes to lines in the sand it tends to be obvious, like calling her 10 times a day or almost date raping her the first time you two alone are obviously pushy behaviors, but not even trying to kiss her once you've been invited in for a drink is blatant timidity / indecisiveness. "Reading" people is sort of learned skill, in my opinion, and it can get even trickier with people who are hard to read for whatever reasons. So the way I see it is that it's typically going to be the woman's responsibility to give clear green lights, and the man's responsibility to have the guts to pursue when the green lights go off. And everyone's responsibility to learn how to give and read green lights. If a woman isn't giving you green lights then it's not your responsibility to try to read her mind and take a shot in the dark. If she does give you green lights and you fail to act, then it's your fault if she takes it the wrong way and loses interest. My 2 cents opinion. 1
preraph Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Your friends telling someone to be persistent when it's pretty clear the person isn't interested is bad advice. Females are no longer Victorian females who are hiding their ankles and trained to say no in order to prove their virtue. If one stops texting back when you make an invitation or waits as this one does and then only responds as a casual friend but evades any commitment, time to stop pursuing. She doesn't want an enemy in the building, so she's desperately trying to not go out with you while also not making you mad.
Easyguy14 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I agree and think this is the best thing to do, I have deleted our text thread anyway. My friends have told me to persist but I am glad I got an outsiders opinion that I agree with. I would have understood if she didnt want to hang out again after the first time because she didnt enjoy my company. But she obviously did because after that, she wanted to get dinner and it went almost exactly like the other time we hung out, then she loses interest. Wish she wouldve just told me to avoid confusion. Girls are tough to understand lol No they're not that tough actually. Said girl was interested but you failed to escalate and that defused her interest in you. Next time, move things along a little faster (sexual teasing) and I bet you better results.
smg15 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted about this before but I have seen her since. Me (25M) met a girl (23) that lives in my building. Exchanged numbers, texted a few weeks, finally hung out and got along great, she texts me the next 3 days and hints at dinner, we go eat and get along great again, both agree we will do it again. Stay in contact. Try to get her to hang out again and she says she is working (works nights in ICU). Still stay in contact, tried again after 2 weeks, she doesnt respond to my text. Took it that she lost interest (IDK why)moved on. 10 days later she texts me like we're friends, I respond but move on again. Go a month with no contact. Run into her and her sister one night. She seemed pleasantly surprised to see me. Talked to them briefly. My friend said to give her the benefit of the doubt for being sketchy (work took a huge toll on her) & text her the next day since we just saw one another. Text her it was good seeing her, asked what she was up to that weekend. She said she was working. Next week our building had a holiday party for residents. Text her that she is welcome to come with me and my roommates. She said her sister is back in town so I knew then she wouldnt be going. Looks like she still isnt interested. I have been told to stay persistent but there is a fine line between that and desperation (she has never outright said NO but I can take a hint). May send her a Happy New Years text. If she responds tell her she is always welcome to come hang out with me and my roommates. An open invitation to put the ball in her court and leave it at that. Being neighbors we def will run into each other again. Have I seemed desperate or would this final text be desperate? she is dating multiple men 1
Author America11 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Well she is very cute with an outgoing personality and into sports. So it would be very easy for her to find a guy. I'm sure I wasn't the only guy going for her. It was probably a combo of me not making a move and possibly some other guy was more aggressive and had better timing as far as getting an entire evening with her. I def would have kissed her the second date, guess I should've before then. Just a little frustrating she would lose all interest and not give me a second time to take her out. I mean we only hung out twice, it's not like there were weeks and weeks of being alone together me missing signs. It's a good learning experience so I will know with the next girl to move a little faster. Wished she would have just told me she found another guy or she just wanted to be friends or whatever so I would at least know what happened. I would have to her, but I guess girls are just different as far as expressing feelings and honesty. Edited January 1, 2015 by America11
Recommended Posts