vintagelover Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I had a complicated situation with a guy for two years. I'l call it an FWB situation for lack of a better term. He texted me constantly and asked to hang out with me non stop. I would say no a lot of the time even though I wanted to see him bc I was trying to keep from feeling "used". I knew I had much more serious feelings for him than he did for me. Things started gradually getting nastier between us, mainly bc I was beginning to feel too unconsidered and he was being intentionally careless with my feelings again and again. I wanted more and he didn't and I was lashing out. I do regret not handling that part better. A little over two weeks ago he invited me over and broke it off. He said he didn't have the same feelings for me and didn't feel the "energy" between us to want to date me. He said he thought the sexual chemistry was 100% and he liked me as a friend. There was more that I won;t get into. I was very upset, sad and humiliated, but not surprised. I didn't show it, I left with grace and did not act angry. I said I would miss him and did not throw a fit. I did not contact him afterwards at all. A week later he sent me a really dirty text and I did not respond and an hour later he claimed someone had found his phone and texted people with it and then he got it back. I think that story was BS. Then of course I got a Merry xmas text. I responded later with Merry Christmas. Then I got another one that said Hey. I ignored that one. I didn't think there was any place for "Hey" two weeks after he dumped me. I happened to be at the same concert as him last night. We politely ignored each other and I kept my distance. I did not try to be near him or see what he was doing. He was hovering behind my table repeatedly. He was near the door when I went to smoke and so I said hi and was really friendly and cool. I kept it short and then left. Later that night I did text him about something that happened at the place ( friendly) and I also asked him why he texted me "Hey" ? He responded with nasty one word responses that were frankly pretty rude and said texting me was an "accident" My question is, why does it seem like he's acting like I'm the one that broke up with HIM ? I feel like I have handled this with as much grace and dignity as the situation allows. I'm not asking for should I keep trying advice or anything like that. I am trying to let him go. But I would like some insight into this type of behavior. He "broke up" with me. Why is he poking me and being rude ?
WonderWoman911 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I'm not sure why he's acting like this. He seems to be playing a lot of games. I think that he wants to have some type of control over you and have you continuously chase behind him since you was previously ignoring him.
Ieris Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Because he expected you to plead, to beg, to cry but you didn't. You walked away like he was nothing and that dented his ego (good work by the way!). He wanted a reaction and you didn't give him one lol 1
Ducktape Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 You hurt his ego when you ignored him twice and didn't stand on the sideline waiting for a tap on the shoulder as a perfect dumpee would. 1
Author vintagelover Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 I mean, I'm still really hurting. It would be nice if he wasn't yo yo-ing me on top of it. I guess I understand the bruised ego part but don't really understand why you would text someone you broke it off with 3 times in two weeks. Is he done or not ?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 My question is, why does it seem like he's acting like I'm the one that broke up with HIM ? I feel like I have handled this with as much grace and dignity as the situation allows. I'm not asking for should I keep trying advice or anything like that. I am trying to let him go. But I would like some insight into this type of behavior. He "broke up" with me. Why is he poking me and being rude ? ... because you're not IGNORING him. And you're not trying to let him go, for if you were, you would be fully ignoring him. This is the oldest thing in the psychology textbook. Warm fuzzies - are the best, when people are each trying and succeeding at enhancing the world of the others. Cold Pricklies - are typically negative interactions, and they are indeed cold and prickly. (and then, worst/lowest of all, is ) No Interaction whatsoever Often the result of the latter there, is cold pricklies from the person being ignored (because if they even get you to lash-out at them in a negative way, that lets them feel nearer to you than nothing). So clearly you should compleeeeeeeeetely ignore him.
Trapito Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Ego bruising, that's all it is. My ex boyfriend did this to me. He asked for a break, I found this site and learned about NC aswell as how to react to a break up. After a break of a week, he asked to talk. I was prepared and didnt bat an eyelash while he broke up with me. I said I accepted the break up and asked for my stuff back. When I stepped through his door, he asked for a hug. I looked at him in repulsion and politely declined his o so generous offer, and I walked. It was the hardest thing I have ever done because I really loved the guy, but I wanted to leave with my head held high and also giving him a slight kick in the nuts. We lived on the same floor of an appartment building so we would occasionally bump in to each other. He would have a different girl with him each time, and stare at me with a smug smile on his face. He had a public fb on which he flirted openly with a girl and tell how sexual compatible they were (who the hell does that on fb where anyone can see it, including me). He was out to hurt me to boost his deflated ego, I was having non of it. I was always friendly when we bumped in to each other, I even complimented one of his hussy of the week on her pretty shoes (you should have seen his jaw drop, it was hilarious). So no.. Don't contact him, don't think you two can be civil. He just wants you to grovel and plead so he can feel like a big boy again. He doesn't deserve your kindness, **** that dildoface, because that's what he is. An immature dildoface. 2
hoping2heal Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Who can say for sure on the motive. I think as hard as it is on you, this guy is doing you a very big favor. Would you want to spend your life with someone who can act this cruel to you? A winner he is not. This guy is a big ole loseroni and maybe you had not yet realized, but you can do so much better. He doesn't even treat you with a shred of decency.
flitzanu Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 what exactly is he doing that is any different than any other friend would do? you weren't dating, and he was using you for sex. the only reason he was keeping you around was for sex, and now that you're not giving it to him, he has no reason to interact with you. so...stop interacting with him.
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