KindlyUnspoken23 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Most of you have read my previous posts and know about my situation with the guy I've been seeing, I guess you could say for the past 4 months.' Well, last weekend: my insecurities, his missing his mom, his anxiety, my anxiety, it all came to a head. We were both working a show together and girls were all over him. Naturally, I was getting upset and he could see it in my face. He pulled me aside to talk about it, and was like "Rachel, you're scaring me, what's wrong"...there was a part of me that felt sorta good that the thought of loosing me scared him so much. Long story short, we ended up talking about "us" that night. What we were going to do. If we were going to make this official and date, or if it just wasn't something we should do. After a lot of screaming, crying, saying really hurtful things, I left his house at 3am in tears because he had told me he was done and we were done. He wanted nothing to do with me. Sunday, he called me. He apologized for emotions being so high and said he did not want me out of his life. He asked me to his work that night when he got out so we could just sit and talk. We ended up deciding to just take some space. He was going to take the holiday season and deal with his mom's passing anniversary as he always does (which is usually alone), and then he can think about us again. He said he won't make me wait very long, and his feelings for me are incredibly strong. He told me that it's up to me what I want to do, but he doesn't want to lose me. I told him waking up that morning thinking he wasn't in my life anymore destroyed me and I want him in my life too. We decided to maybe hang out once a month until we could figure things out, but no more sleepovers/hooking up/etc bc then feelings would continue to grow yet we would've solved nothing. We also agreed we both needed to work on our communication, and I definitely needed to work on my insecurities. He said when girls are around him at shows, I need to trust where his feelings lie. I left our talk confident that he really wanted to work on us when the timing was right in a month or so. Tuesday, he texted me first, but I was really short with him. On Christmas Day he texted me to wish me a merry christmas, and I asked him how he was holding up. Later that night, he ended up implying he wanted me to come over. I faught him a bit because I didn't want anything to mess up our future chances and we agreed not to do it. However, he said he didn't want to be alone & I told him if he needed me during the anniversary/holidays I'd be there. From the time I got there until the time I left Friday morning, for the first time, I really felt how strongly he felt about me. He would rub my leg, rest his head on my shoulder, made sweet comments. We laughed more than we ever had before, and I caught him looking at me and smiling, a lot. We didn't do anything physical aside from kiss, he just really needed someone. He told me to quit confusing myself and worrying so much and that his feelings weren't going away. Friday night, I wanted to chat with him just cause I had a rough day. I texted him what time he was getting out of work and he called me like freaking out that something was seriously wrong. When we were chatting, he did tell me he was officially taking a co-worker to this dinner for the promotion we work for (where we work at the shows). I am incredibly sad and hurt because I had really thought that'd be our first real date and we'd finally tell everyone, and I blew it. He assured me MANY times that he won't ever date or sleep with someone he works with, and I believe him, but it's still heartbreaking to think of him doing that with another girl. He also told me again that if I wanted to go out with someone, it would hurt him, but he doesn't want to feel like he's holding me back. Personally, I have no desire to go out with someone right now. I'm scared his feelings will go away, even though he says they won't. I'm scared another girl will come along even though he says that won't happen. I wish I knew how to let go of my past and trust everything he says because he has never lied to me. He always seems so scared when he thinks I'm going to end things or lose me, I should take that as a good enough sign. Has anyone else ever dealt with a "space" or a "break"? How'd it turn out for you?
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