kiko50 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I've always been shy, which makes meeting women impossible. Eleven years ago, I decided I was going to meet someone. I was taking college classes at the time. I talked to this girl, and we seemed to hit it off. We went to lunches, etc. I felt good about myself. I couldn't wait to see her every week. The semester eventually ended. I asked her out one day, she said yes but it never happened. I didn't meet another woman until 2 yrs later, and I've not met another woman since. I still can't get over this woman. I feel like I'll never meet anyone as good again. Since I'm not in school, I have no way of meeting new women. Everybody says the best way to get over a woman is to find a new one. That's easy for some men. Meeting women is a daunting task for someone who is as shy as I am. Is there any hope?
Winterina Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I've always been shy, which makes meeting women impossible. Eleven years ago, I decided I was going to meet someone. I was taking college classes at the time. I talked to this girl, and we seemed to hit it off. We went to lunches, etc. I felt good about myself. I couldn't wait to see her every week. The semester eventually ended. I asked her out one day, she said yes but it never happened. I didn't meet another woman until 2 yrs later, and I've not met another woman since. I still can't get over this woman. I feel like I'll never meet anyone as good again. Since I'm not in school, I have no way of meeting new women. Everybody says the best way to get over a woman is to find a new one. That's easy for some men. Meeting women is a daunting task for someone who is as shy as I am. Is there any hope? Some ideas... Go to therapy and talk to someone. Alcohol is a social lubricant. Have a few in some lively pubs on Sat night. Join the band and women will be all over you, you don't have to do anything. Write the worst case scenario... you will get rejected. Know that this happened to every man on earth many times. Practice your skills by asking your female friends or coworkers for a lunch. You have ask it in btw way not in this is really important to me way. This will get you to be more comfortable around women. It would help to have an outgoing female friend whom you can confide in about all your insecurities. She might help shake you up a bit. Not every woman has to be potential someone, people get together as friends all the time. So don't have any expectations or any pressure. 1
Author kiko50 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 Female friends? I don't have female friends.
Winterina Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Female friends? I don't have female friends. Coworkers? Ask some out for lunch... like, I am going to eat, are you taking a break? How old are you? Why do you think you are the way you are? Do you have anxiety that is paralysing you?
Author kiko50 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 I'm 34. With my occupation, going to lunch can't happen.
Winterina Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I'm 34. With my occupation, going to lunch can't happen. You are not easy to talk to... There are no magic bullets out there and these things require a lot of work. If you don't do anything to resolve your problem then you have to resign yourself to the fact that you are quite likely to spend the life alone. BUT do try and do something. If you don't nobody will. Good luck.
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I've always been shy, which makes meeting women impossible. Eleven years ago, I decided I was going to meet someone. I was taking college classes at the time. I talked to this girl, and we seemed to hit it off. We went to lunches, etc. I felt good about myself. I couldn't wait to see her every week. The semester eventually ended. I asked her out one day, she said yes but it never happened. I didn't meet another woman until 2 yrs later, and I've not met another woman since. I still can't get over this woman. I feel like I'll never meet anyone as good again. Since I'm not in school, I have no way of meeting new women. Everybody says the best way to get over a woman is to find a new one. That's easy for some men. Meeting women is a daunting task for someone who is as shy as I am. Is there any hope? I'm not shy and meeting women is a daunting task for me as well. I'd just say it's one of those things that just is. However, your mentality is not helping the matter. To be 34 years old and obsessing about a woman from 10 years ago that you've never even dated emphasizes how bad you are with women. It's not necessarily your fault, but you need to be more flippant about women if only for self-preservation.
Author kiko50 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 I'm OK with spending life alone. I just wish I could forget her.
Bellaisa Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Perhaps you are holding on to what never was. The thought of what the two of you could have been like together may seem great in your head - but because you never actually got together, you can't be sure of that. She may have suffocated you in your sleep. Or she may have done something else to really make you feel bad about yourself. You can look for her online and try to contact her. Maybe something can develop. But if you can't find her, or if she doesn't want to talk to you, then take it as a sign that you were not meant to be together and take life by the balls and get out there. Life is too short not to get out and try - just try. You are telling yourself that you can't meet women, which probably plays a big part in your inability to meet women. Your body language and actions mirror what you think - so if you think you are a loser, you will send off that message. Time to realize how great you are, the qualities you have that women will love (because obviously you have used them to attract a few women), and then go out and just try without pressure or expectations. And it is true. Finding someone new (especially someone you really like) is the best way to get your mind off someone from the past.
Bellaisa Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I'm OK with spending life alone. I just wish I could forget her. Stop talking like that! One more thought - it is all about perspective. Like I said, she could've been a murderer or crazy person underneath her greatness. Your point of view towards her is putting her on some crazy pedestal - above your own personal happiness it seems. Put yourself up there and see what happens.
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I'm OK with spending life alone. I just wish I could forget her. It took me about 2.5 years to get over this one woman that I never even dated. That was the longest. I knew her for about a year, and she rejected me like a child spits out raw brocoli. Still, 2.5 years is pretty long. It takes longer for less social, less successful guys to get over this kind of stuff. The key is no contact. None. Not even looking at pictures online. None, zero.
coolheadal Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Need to come out of shell now your 34 and need to take another chance on asking someone out. You must by food to eat? Even though you didn't say this but might want to go to Vegan Store. Most of the women are single there. But again most are looking for other Vegan's too. But at least you can talk to them. That's why you really need to do. I am sure your clients you talk them right. Both male and female. The only difference is your not asking them out. But now is your chance to start learning how too. Next time you go shopping look around you but not at the items you seek but whose shopping too? Start to ask questions say something fun a women might like to hear or laugh too. I am sure you know how to talk to them. But this way you can sneak in questions to see if they're single and not seeing anyone or yet married. If you knew all of this you could get up the nerve to ask them out for dinner. Since you can't do lunch. Otherwise you'll never meet anyone. Got to stay focus on this now. Don't wait until it's too late. Also do you have any pets? Might be a good time to get a dog or cat. But a dog can help you with women at the Dog Park. Start talking to them. Everyone would say find someone at Church but can't always do that. Even your favorite Cashier at your local food store. She'll be nice to always or even the bank teller you go to for your banking. But if you ever see any women looking or smiling at you go over to her and start chatting away. It's a start in the right direction.
Author kiko50 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 I'm not in school, and the two women I've met in the last 10+ yes were school and work. I know it's a bad idea to date from work, so I'll never do that again.
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