HeartWon'tHeal Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 and I still miss xMM. Yeah, it's pathetic and I wish my heart would catch up with my head. It has gotten easier but there are triggers and certain times of the year brings up memories. I just read this on Facebook and it was a real eye opener. Because I have not totally let go of xMM I'm only hurting myself. Hopefully this quote will help others. "Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts."
janetl Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Sorry to hear that. I might be in that position in a few months / years! I am not sure about loving someone who does not love you back quote. In other relationships: let's say parent-child relationship. I have seen this that a child does not love their parents for whatever reasons but the parents still keep loving the child. Is that different? I know it's different kind of "love" but the reciprocation dynamics can be the same. Take care!
Author HeartWon'tHeal Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 I guess I was not referring to other relationships like parent/child. For me the quote really struck me because the longer I pine away and waste my time wishing my xMM would come back is only hurting myself and I cannot heal. The quote told me it's time to finally let go. 1
jellybean89 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Sorry to hear that. I might be in that position in a few months / years! I am not sure about loving someone who does not love you back quote. In other relationships: let's say parent-child relationship. I have seen this that a child does not love their parents for whatever reasons but the parents still keep loving the child. Is that different? I know it's different kind of "love" but the reciprocation dynamics can be the same. Take care! Parental love is not like romantic love, parents normally love their children unconditionally, until death. That is opposite of romantic love. 2 people don't love each other unconditionally because that love can lessen for various reasons (abuse, infidelity, drinking, etc) or it could just disappear for other reasons. You are trying to compare apples and guitars. 3
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 and I still miss xMM. Yeah, it's pathetic and I wish my heart would catch up with my head. It has gotten easier but there are triggers and certain times of the year brings up memories. I just read this on Facebook and it was a real eye opener. Because I have not totally let go of xMM I'm only hurting myself. Hopefully this quote will help others. "Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts." Four years is a long time to still feel that intense love and attachment to exMM. Do you allow yourself to think, fantasize, reminisce about the good times with him often? If so, stop! Think of it this way too, he's moved on completely, not given you a thought and here you are, still very much loving him. You're wasting your thoughts and energy on a guy who chose to stay married and moved on with his life! He's out there living life and you're not letting go of him. Did you seek counseling? If not, it's time for you to go talk to someone who can help you with the real letting go and grieving process so you can find happiness and love again with someone else. 3
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I guess I was not referring to other relationships like parent/child. For me the quote really struck me because the longer I pine away and waste my time wishing my xMM would come back is only hurting myself and I cannot heal. The quote told me it's time to finally let go. It's gonna take more than a quote to make you let go. Four years, you shouldn't be pining for him and wishing he'd come back. By doing this, you've prevented your heart from healing. Are you afraid? What has held you back? What's given you hope that he'll come back? It's been too many years for him to all of a sudden remember and come find you.
DKT3 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I would guess its because you don't want to move on. Are you still with your husband? I ask because there is a chance that whatever void you convinced yourself you had in your marriage is still present, that could keep MM in the front of your thoughts as a taste of what you felt was missing. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Just read your other thread from a year and a half ago. You seem to be in the exact same place now as you were then. Find another therapist, one who will push you and give you the proper tools to work through your pain and help you let go of exMM once and for all. You're keeping him and the feelings alive, obsessively and it's making it so much harder to rid of him from your heart. 2
Author HeartWon'tHeal Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 Thank you all for responding and for your honesty. After rereading my post it does sound like I am still totally hung up on xMM. That is not accurate. The holidays have a specific trigger and I recently saw xMM's picture in my local newspaper because he received an award. So I've been thinking about him recently but I do not ruminate about him like I used to. I was feeling down over the holidays and the quote helped me. I am not seeing a counselor anymore. I have spent so much money on counseling and the only person that can make me stop thinking about xMM is ME! I don't believe I will ever be able to totally forget about him. That memory will always be there. The main reason for my post was to hopefully help others and to let them know it does get easier. Maybe it's taking me longer than others to move on and I don't want to rehash my affair or move backwards. It's a new day and I'm feeling much better!
Poppy47 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I had a couple of days like that over Christmas. I was into 6 months NC , slipped up and looked at his Face Book. Lots of messages there for me from the months gone by. Now I have to start all over again but it's not so bad as before. There is nothing to go back to him for.... everything would turn out exactly the same as before. Letting go is difficult. I feel that too. Keep busy, Poppy.
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