Do you forgive them?

[sober and dry]

First question that pops my head is, forgive or a kind of forget?

So BC1980 here you forgiving the breakup itself/the debtor? Or did you forgive yourself?

I really can't see of "forgiving your ex" can't be about your ex.

Yes Ducktape you are right when you say

It is normal for you to react that way in the beginning. Your ego doesn't want to give in. But that's your ego talking.

1-But I still can't see how someone can forgive somebody how did something bad and doesn't show any regret!

2- I don't think there is any need to forgive to let go of the anger, but then again, I might hold some anger until I forget about it. Am I mixing forget and forgive?

3- I'm not God to forgive people's sins...

[Elle1975]

Not everybody has this divine need to forgive to feel better about something or someone - or themselves.

 

I don't believe there is anything eating up at me for not forgiving (or caring about) someone. It's not affecting my daily routines, my future plans, or who I am.

 

Actually, forcing myself to forgive someone who wronged me would probably make me feel like a royal pussy.

 

We don't all have the same religions, beliefs, or absence of there-of , I believe there is no "one size fits all" for this particular subject.

 

I do believe in putting my energy in the people who love me, my family, my friends, the world that I have built, etc..

 

Some people need to forgive, some people don't. Either way, it's whatever works for each and every one of us.

[seany25]

On Christmas Eve as I thought hard over a glass of wine, I made a decision to grant my ex forgiveness.

 

I have told her before loads of times that I was trying hard to forgive her, & sometimes I told her I did forgive her because I thought I was nearly there, but deep down I still seethed.

 

However, I decided on Xmas eve that enough was enough, I text my ex & told her that whether it mattered to her or not, that I was giving her true forgiveness for Christmas, that it was my gift to her.

 

I then once again praised her greatness as a mummy, pointed out that I'd sometimes been overlooking all the good things she does for our child by dragging up the past & messing things up all the time. But ultimately that it was over, that I was going into the new year with a clean slate & no past stuff clouding my life. I told her that I let go of the past.

 

She done unspeakable things that can never be undone, & I had tried for over 3 years to forgive her on about 10 occasions. Some of these times I was just lying to myself & to her. But this time it feels different. I don't have that inner voice telling me "you don't really mean it" & I am looking forward to the new year being pain free after the last 3 being full of it.

[Ducktape]

Not everybody has this divine need to forgive to feel better about something or someone - or themselves.

 

I don't believe there is anything eating up at me for not forgiving (or caring about) someone. It's not affecting my daily routines, my future plans, or who I am.

 

Actually, forcing myself to forgive someone who wronged me would probably make me feel like a royal pussy.

 

We don't all have the same religions, beliefs, or absence of there-of , I believe there is no "one size fits all" for this particular subject.

 

I do believe in putting my energy in the people who love me, my family, my friends, the world that I have built, etc..

 

Some people need to forgive, some people don't. Either way, it's whatever works for each and every one of us.

I don't think we see "forgiving" the same way! You don't have to tell the other person, or talk to him/her or whatever. To me, it's more about inner peace. Having no "open conflicts" with anyone. And it's not something that you can force, it's something that comes gradually as you detach yourself from the emotions and the situation.

 

But you are right when you say to each his/her own. Whatever works for you, nobody should be telling you how to move on!

[guest569]

I don't think I will ever forgive my ex for what he did and the things he said, but the memories will fade slightly and I will hopefully get to a point where I say to myself "oh who cares anymore!!". I really hope so! I hope I get so fed up and tired of the subject.

 

I am glad to see that I am not the only one who has taken at least a year to reach that point (assuming I ever do).

[Zzyxx]

I don't actively hate her or wish her harm or ill will, but I don't think I will ever be totally able to forgive her for the way she handled the breakup. She used me as an emotional crutch and companion when she was feeling down and out and three days after all her problems were solved and her life picked up she dumped me after picking stupid fights just so she would have a reason to. That's something I'm not going to overlook. But I'm aiming for indifference rather than forgiveness. Indifference is my ultimate goal.

[Kevin_D]

I have forgiven my first ex. She ended in a nasty way, over the phone, told me not contact her, even though she tried to contact me every time she needed something

 

But... She was very you and I can honestly say that she made the right decision. We were very different and had very different goals in life. Sometimes I'm thinking about writing a email to her, just bury the hatchet, but I don't want to cause any drama in her current relationship. They seem to be a good match and I honestly hope that they are happy together.

 

However... I get angrier for every day when I think about my last ex. And it's been over a year now. The thing is, she always showered me with love and respected me. Or so I thought. Until one day, she stabbed me in the back and left me for another guy without a warning. Not only that, she did her best to belittle me (probably to convince herself that the new dude was a better deal). While every day was struggle not to kill myself, she kept bragging on Facebook about how happy she is and how she made the best decision of her life.

 

This is the same girl who just weeks earlier would call me in the middle of the night because she was so scared of the dark... She always told me how it was her biggest nightmare to live a life without me.

 

She wasn't very popular when we met. A bit overweight and had no self-confidence whatsoever. But for every day with me, she grew until she blossomed. She became happy and stunningly beautiful. And of course she started getting more attention from other guys, but stupid me, I was on convinced that she was telling me the truth when she told me how deeply she loved me. The guy she left me for, is some kind of musician she knew from junior high. Probably one of the cool guys who didn't want her back then. It makes me so mad.

 

Her mother took her own life after a nasty fight with her and her sister. You might think that she would be a bit more careful after something like that. But no, it seemed the she almost enjoyed hurting me, like it made her feel powerful or something like that. That she had the power to crush me like a bug, while I she was completely immune to anything I did or said.

 

This was not a confused teenager. This was an adult, who really had nothing to worry about in life. She kept using me, every day, until she was certain that she could replace me. And yet I left her alone. I didn't call her, I didn't say any nasty things, I just asked her to leave me alone so I could heal. And yet she did her best to keep hurting me.

 

I don't think I'll be able to forgive that kind of behavior. Maybe if she shows some kind of remorse in the future. But otherwise, no way.

Edited December 30, 2014 by Kevin_D