sittingherealone Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I'm 29 and she's 27. She's borderline personality and bipolar,on 3 medications. 2 years to long I spent with her. I only miss the company, not HER. Her name calling, throwing my things out the door, trust issues. always walking on egg shells. etc. I left 2 months ago but we still tried working on our relationship up until thanksgiving BUT ! I can't forgive myself for our last fight. She had serious insecurities and trust issues. I tried everything in my power to help them. I would only pick my son up from daycare so I would not have to see my ex wife. (she thought I wanted my EX back) Last month I had to meet ex wife to get my son due to thanksgiving and she flipped out ! She messaged my ex wife new boyfriend with a simple "hey" trying to piss me off. She also added 2 Ex boyfriends and sent them messages asking how they were doing. It worked. I was pissed! I was hiding her parents Christmas present (new furniture) at my house. I loaded it up and dropped it off in her parents driveway day after thanksgiving. I pissed my EX off and her parents. I reached out a few weeks ago and apologized. She said she's moved on and its all my fault she never could change. I wish she would understand her actions were immature and yes, I may have over reacted.
lil hoodlum Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Try not to focus on whether you over reacted or not. Focus on moving forward with your life and developing healthy relationships with others who can reciprocrate your love, affections, and actions. Leave this trainwreck in your rear-view mirror! 1
ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 It does seem like there is a lack of communication and some unhealthy behavior. One of the lessons I had to learn was you can't be responsible for someone else's behavior. Seems simple but I struggled with it. If she does blame you for her inability to change, that is a fundamental flaw. you can't and shouldn't be responsible for her change. I am not one to abandon a relationship, but it just simply can't work if that is her expectation. your reaction to her behavior was unfortunate but if she acts with the intent to harm you as she did, that is the biggest issue.
Invictus01 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Dude, don't try to sacrifice your life for somebody with mental issues. You will never fix her. 1
lil hoodlum Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 No, but you stooped to her level. You are right, although, sometimes people have to take such actions to burn those bridges to the ground. After all of these actions, I don't think there will ever be a way back to that trainwreck.
BC1980 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I don't think it matters it you overreacted. Most of the time, if you stay in contact with an ex, things escalate, and stuff like this happens. Seriously, there are far worse things people have done. It doesn't sound like she is any prize herself, so I wouldn't be concerned with who has the moral high ground in the situation. The best course of action is to go NC and protect yourself. People do crazy things when in love or hurt by an ex, so it's best to remove yourself from the situation. You don't need to put yourself in a situation where you might do or say something you later regret.
welshbambi Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Mental health issues are awful - they exacerbate things like insecurity and trust issues. BUT if she is diagnosed with the disorder, then she must also recognise that she needs to manage that properly, including getting therapy and most importantly, communicating effectively with her loved ones. This is so crucial. It sounds like she missed that second bit - she saw having this condition as an excuse to take it out on you and that you should just take it. It is lovely when mentally healthy people are willing to love and support someone with MI - I wouldn't (and haven't in the past) stayed away from someone because I knew they had a clinical mental illness. BUT it does work two ways and you should not feel bad about refusing to be her emotional punchbag because she will not put effort herself into properly managing her condition. It's tough but it can be done and people all over the world are doing just that every day. You are also entitled to a quality of life and respect from the person you love, and if your efforts to show her love and affection and support have been overlooked then again, that is something she needs to realise as her issue, not yours. Above all else, mental illness is not an excuse to be an a**hole.
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