Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I was wondering which people tend to value more, especially based on sex [men vs women]; a marriage filled with passion, both good and bad, or a marriage that is secure and comfortable but mostly void of hot blood.
evanescentworld Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 The question is academic, as I have both.....in a good way. 4
SomeDude16 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Never been married so I'm not speaking from experience but I would say passion. The good and bad will only bring us closer together (I hope). Plus I'd assume the sex is great.
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I'd definetely choose passion. Because it's a very powerful glue. Im not talking about uneccessary drama here, Im thinking about two people who disagree and quarrel, even make each other mad at times, but want each other badly and hold each other's interest exclusively. Boring or no sex life for the rest of time? I cringe. God NO! If I wanted just to cuddle or someone to wait for me to get back from work, I would adopt a puppy.
littleblackheart Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Passion (in the bedroom only) + comfort + security in equal measures for me. 4
MissBee Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) I don't want a marriage filled with good and bad passion personally. If I have to choose I choose good passion plus contentment and security. But if it's only between contentment and security or a mix of good and bad passion, gimme contentment and security. I've never been married but have had a relationship with good and bad passion but I was never content or secure. The highs of passion were short lived and underneath was always anxiety because the relationship was so inconsistent, insecure and I could never be happy and just be before some other storm came up...it gets tiring. I want good passion but also to feel secure, happy and content. THAT is what I want. So I'd have to take contentment, meaning a state of happiness and satisfaction at its capacity (sometimes I see people use content to almost mean settling or say do you want to be content or happy and I'm always confused because content means happiness and satisfaction at the highest level actually and is in fact a step beyond happy as happy is temporary and fleeting while contentment has longevity). If I am happy, satisfied and secure I can forego the rollercoaster of good and bad passion which is like candy, sweet and fun and tasty but not nutritious or filling and can make you ill in the long run. Edited December 28, 2014 by MissBee 4
preraph Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I just have no motivation to want to marry for contentment and security, so I'd only marry if my whole heart was in it and we could stand living together. I'd probably bail if it got to the point where it wasn't fun anymore. Hence, I'm single and like it that way just fine. I'm not looking for a job. If it doesn't enhance my life and happiness overall, I'm not the marrying type just to couple up. 2
Anela Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I'm an all-of-the-above girl myself. So am I. ...... 2
newmoon Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 my 19-30 year old self would have voted passion. my mature self is just fine with a boring and content relationship void of 'passion,' but still with basic attraction. 2
Tayken Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I was wondering which people tend to value more, especially based on sex [men vs women]; a marriage filled with passion, both good and bad, or a marriage that is secure and comfortable but mostly void of hot blood. It's amazing how people are dancing around what seems like a fairly simple question, and trying to hybridize the options Pardon the cliche', but with a coin having two sides which leads to us humans having both good and bad qualities, I'll have to lean more towards the former. Well of course it behooves a person to be aware of the chasm of the good and bad before you go in with both feet
Anela Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Passion is a part of contentment for me - passion for life in general, not just a man. I don't see anyone dancing around anything. 6
nofeelings22 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 As you move through more failed "burning desire" relationships and get a marriage under your belt, security with a little pilot light is the way to go. Trouble is, so many people want never ending passion. 1
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 As you move through more failed "burning desire" relationships and get a marriage under your belt, security with a little pilot light is the way to go. Trouble is, so many people want never ending passion. Funny, I feel just the opposite after 25 years of marriage.
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 It's amazing how people are dancing around what seems like a fairly simple question, and trying to hybridize the options Haha, yes, I was asking an exclusive question. Which do you value more? Obviously we would all like contentment and nothing but good passion, but that isn't how life works.
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Funny, I feel just the opposite after 25 years of marriage. But then with a handle like nofeelings...
amaysngrace Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Haha, yes, I was asking an exclusive question. Which do you value more? Obviously we would all like contentment and nothing but good passion, but that isn't how life works. You can have passion, security and contentment all within the same relationship. Just because you don't and never have doesn't mean it's not possible. It just means it hasn't happened for you yet. But it's not an either/or for many happy couples. 2
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 You can have passion, security and contentment all within the same relationship. Just because you don't and never have doesn't mean it's not possible. It just means it hasn't happened for you yet. But it's not an either/or for many happy couples. We can have a balance. But we can't have it all. There is always a price. That is a fact of life. You can't be content if you are filled with anger.
Anela Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 We can have a balance. But we can't have it all. There is always a price. That is a fact of life. You can't be content if you are filled with anger. Are you equating passion with anger? 1
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Are you equating passion with anger? How would you define "bad passion"?
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 In my marriage, I had bad passion and no contentment, so maybe I did have it all.
amaysngrace Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 How would you define "bad passion"? Being with someone who is dysfunctional and unable to process their emotions maybe? 1
Author Robert Z Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) Being with someone who is dysfunctional and unable to process their emotions maybe? I like that. My ex's favorite trick was to run in the bedroom and slam the door whenever she didn't want to talk about something. If I tried to follow her in she would hold the door handle! It was like dealing with a three-year old. [And no I never struck her or ever threatened to do so. She had no reason to be afraid of me. It was how she avoided confrontation of any sort. That or she just called me names.] But what about anger? Passion is a two-sided coin. You don't seriously claim to be living a life of bliss, do you? Edited December 28, 2014 by Robert Z
autumnnight Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I'm embarrassed to say I'm having a hard time answering. I don't like anger and angst and drama, but I don't want to feel nothing either. In the long term the contentment choice is probably wiser and more mature, but I also want the person I desire to DESIRE me too and not be ho hum about it. And I'm not sure I'm wired to be ho hum myself.
amaysngrace Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 You don't seriously claim to be living a life of bliss, do you? I'm very content. Have plenty of security. And can have passion on request. If that's living a life of bliss then yea...I guess I am.
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