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CRUSHED: He has another woman at his house tonight...

CryMeARiver

By CryMeARiver
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I'm sorry if you already mentioned this somewhere in this thread and I missed it, but how old is he?

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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He is in his early 30s

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I sent message back and said "send me a pic of his car now LOL" and he said sure, and nothing else.

Personally, I would break up with you.

 

I wouldn't want to date someone who is a massive bundle of insecurities and needs that much re-assurance.

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beach Established Member

beach

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He may have said he not "dating" anyone else.

 

But he never said "I haven't had sex with anyone else since I've been dating you".

 

Your health could be at risk. Get tested for diseases.

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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I agree Beach. Point of order though, there are many times we spend a long time together and there is no sex. In fact, I am the one who initiates the majority of the time. Sometimes he says he is too tired, or just goes to sleep. And then says not to think he is not attracted to me. In ways that is good, in ways that makes me think he is either a)exerting control or b) had a big trysts while I was working and not able to perform again. But I will get checked out JIC. Also, he is being lax on using protection and we have had a recent discussion about it.

beach Established Member

beach

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Jeez, the more info you reveal about him - the more risky it seems to continue with him.

 

Having unprotected sex with anyone who MIGHT be having sex with others is putting your health at risk. And you can't depend on him to be honest.

 

 

How can you even have sex with a guy when you are afraid to ask him simple questions that allow you the knowledge of whether or not your life may be in jeopardy?

 

You have sex with someone but you can't ask them questions that affect your whole life? I don't understand that?

 

Why have sex when you don't know what his deal is? Maybe you can decide not to have sex with guys you're dating until you can firmly decide if they are honest and if they are having sex with only you...?

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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I agree Beach. Point of order though, there are many times we spend a long time together and there is no sex. In fact, I am the one who initiates the majority of the time. Sometimes he says he is too tired, or just goes to sleep. And then says not to think he is not attracted to me. In ways that is good, in ways that makes me think he is either a)exerting control or b) had a big trysts while I was working and not able to perform again. But I will get checked out JIC. Also, he is being lax on using protection and we have had a recent discussion about it.

 

If I were you, I'd end it now.

 

A guy who tells you he isn't sure if he's attracted to you is a guy NOT into you.

 

There is nothing good about that, sorry.

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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To clarify: He said he IS attracted to me...to not think that he is NOT because he doesnt want to have sex because he is tired.

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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UPDATE: I sent him a message to night to tell him I want to talk. I asked him if the male friend stayed over again, and he said he did last night. And that was it! I REALLY need some advice on how to word this. I want to be honest...but in case a lot of this might be in my mind, I dont want to run him off. Here is what I am thinking so far:

 

-I have concerns

-I am still dwelling on car being at his house last weekend.

-My concern is he is having sex with others

-I dont mind taking it slow, but am concerned he has made up his mind IE casual dating only

-we have not discussed exclusive and are having unprotected sex.

-how does he feel about dating exclusivly till we are farther along.

 

I want to ask him how he feels about me, but that would be having "the talk" and I think he should be the one to bring that up. Many articles I have read says it is a bad idea to force the talk. it concerns me he hasnt....but will the above be considered the talk?

 

I really like this guy. I am giving the benefit of the doubt some of this could be in my head. I do not want to run him off but can not fucntion under these circumstances.

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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Having unprotected sex with anyone who MIGHT be having sex with others is putting your health at risk. And you can't depend on him to be honest.

 

Really its not that much more risky for a man or woman to be having sex with someone who is an exclusive fwb that they have been seeing for the past year as opposed to to the man or woman to have just come of a wild run where the they slept with 40 odd people in the past 2-3 yrs, but only just now doing the 'Ive had my fun I'm reading for something serious' speech.

Darren Steez Established Member

Darren Steez

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Dear god all this drama and you're still dating.

 

Same guy staying at the house, simply ask for the guys number and see what car he drives. Simple

 

If he's banging another woman then leave. Simple.

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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Ya know what>? I thought this was a board to be able to vent where you could not in real life...not to be judged or to made to feel like ****. If you cant be nice or respectful, please do not post. I feel like crap enough as it is.

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Darren Steez Established Member

Darren Steez

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Who's judging? Simply reacting to what you're posting. Didn't see any 2x4's

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Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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To the OP:

You are causing yourself unnecessary heartache and drama. You two clearly want two different things but you seem to be rationalizing everything because of how he treats you when you two are together. But you seem to be missing everything else. Remember when I told you days ago that this relationship has now completely changed because of that one event that happened.

 

Let me give you some insight, you will ALWAYS have doubts as long as you are with this guy. It's NOT going to change. He has NOT given you the reassurance you continually keep asking for. You will never be content with the answers he gives you and for good reason.

 

So put a nail in the coffin of this relationship and move onto something healthier, even if it means being alone for a while.

 

And to this...

 

Michael Jackson had sleepovers too... but that was a whole different situation...

 

Can we just post things of relevance... please? Good lord, that analogy is so out of left field it doesn't even apply.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Can we just post things of relevance... please? Good lord, that analogy is so out of left field it doesn't even apply.

 

Adult man -> sleepover-> Michael Jackson - see the connection now. ;)

 

How many straight men in their thirties are driving over to another guy's house at night and sleeping over regularly?

Not a bunch of guys sleeping over in a party situation, just the one guy... Weird.

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SunnySide0418 Established Member

SunnySide0418

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Why not bake him cookies or something and 'unexpectedly' drop them off when the car is there? Then you will have your answer. You are so worried about running him off that you are not thinking clearly. You NEED to know if he is sleeping with someone else. For goodness sake you are having unprotected sex with him!! That, IMO, alone gives you the right to the exclusivity talk! Please get some self respect here.

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SunnySide0418 Established Member

SunnySide0418

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And by him being tired and not wanting to have sex isn't a big deal if it happened once but if more often - huge red flag!!! Listen to your gut!

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beach Established Member

beach

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He's been clear that he will lie. He is evasive with info he gives.

 

Do you really want to date someone like that?

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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Nope,I don't want to date under these circumstances. The talk is going down tonight for sure. Thank you all for your posts and suggestions and thoughts. A nervous wreck but realizing what's worse than losing him is being used and put into danger health wise. I will be bringing up being exclusive. Not sure how, but am committed to not being emotional or mentally blackmailing...but lay cards out on table and my concerns. I also hope my story will help others in the long run. Wish me luck....

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CryMeARiver Member

CryMeARiver

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Adult man -> sleepover-> Michael Jackson - see the connection now. ;)

 

How many straight men in their thirties are driving over to another guy's house at night and sleeping over regularly?

Not a bunch of guys sleeping over in a party situation, just the one guy... Weird.

Unless he is gay, which brings out a whole other situation lol. I seriously doubt this tho. Sorry...

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beach Established Member

beach

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You want to talk to him about being exclusive?

 

Do you think he's capable of being honest at this point?

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bathtub-row Established Member

bathtub-row

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Nope,I don't want to date under these circumstances. The talk is going down tonight for sure. Thank you all for your posts and suggestions and thoughts. A nervous wreck but realizing what's worse than losing him is being used and put into danger health wise. I will be bringing up being exclusive. Not sure how, but am committed to not being emotional or mentally blackmailing...but lay cards out on table and my concerns. I also hope my story will help others in the long run. Wish me luck....

 

Expecting honesty from someone who lies is just leaving yourself open to more problems. I would have a different discussion with him about me ending the relationship. Hope it works out for you, though.

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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Adult man -> sleepover-> Michael Jackson - see the connection now. ;)

 

Oh, Michael Jackson was having sleep overs with grown men?

Oh right, he was accused of sleeping with young kids, hence my reluctance at seeing the relevance of your analogy and not seeing what it had to do with the OP since the situation is completely different.

 

Unless you are trying to hint at the fact that the OP's man might be a pedophile.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Oh, Michael Jackson was having sleep overs with grown men?

Oh right, he was accused of sleeping with young kids, hence my reluctance at seeing the relevance of your analogy and not seeing what it had to do with the OP since the situation is completely different.

 

Unless you are trying to hint at the fact that the OP's man might be a pedophile.

 

As I said in my original post "...but that was a whole different situation..."

 

...Let it go, let it go, Turn away and slam the door!..

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Many articles I have read says it is a bad idea to force the talk.

 

 

You may not be able to force him to talk but you CAN DEMAND he wear a condom. Don't have sex with him again unless he uses one.

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