Diezel Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Seriously, don't pick it up. Move on in your life. Why are you so desperate to hang onto a guy who is obviously not worth it? 1
Author GH101 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Seriously, don't pick it up. Move on in your life. Why are you so desperate to hang onto a guy who is obviously not worth it? Well, I don't think he even realizes he did anything wrong. Maybe not returning phone calls or calling to cancel plans is what he does with everyone. I like him and I never can get anyone to date me.
doeblin Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Well, I don't think he even realizes he did anything wrong. Maybe not returning phone calls or calling to cancel plans is what he does with everyone. I like him and I never can get anyone to date me. Okay, I'll be blunt. He won't give you what you need, either because he is incapable or he just doesn't care about you. You lower your chances of finding a new love, while you hang around this bozo. Ditch him. If you have problems with finding a date, this is a good forum and the ladies here will give you good advice. In fact, there are quite a few threads where other women ask about how to get a bf. Stick around on Loveshack. But don't contact this guy again. 2
Author GH101 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Okay, I'll be blunt. He won't give you what you need, either because he is incapable or he just doesn't care about you. You lower your chances of finding a new love, while you hang around this bozo. Ditch him. If you have problems with finding a date, this is a good forum and the ladies here will give you good advice. In fact, there are quite a few threads where other women ask about how to get a bf. Stick around on Loveshack. But don't contact this guy again. Thanks for your advice. I just like him, but I hope to find someone new.
Author GH101 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 So, I called him back on Monday after he called me. I didn't leave a vm though. He called me back today. I asked why he didn't call me Saturday and he said he was sick. Head cold, fever, couldn't talk. I just like him and I don't think he thinks he has done anything with wrong. My one friend tells me to work it out with him and let him know he was rude. She thinks his just inconsiderate, but this wasn't deal breaking. I don't think he intentionally tries to be rude. He's not a good communicator. I am annoyed and don't think I'll go out with him again. However, how should I end it? He'll probably think wow one weekend I'm sick and you dump me? He claimed he couldn't call me back to cancel our date because he couldn't talk.
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I don't think he intentionally tries to be rude. He's not a good communicator. And you will find another guy who can communicate effectively and not make you feel frazzled like this. I am annoyed and don't think I'll go out with him again. However, how should I end it? Just cut all contact and see what he does. He'll probably think wow one weekend I'm sick and you dump me? He claimed he couldn't call me back to cancel our date because he couldn't talk. He's a grown man. He can deal with it. If he really couldn't talk, he could have left you a text message/email - that's no excuse. 1
Versacehottie Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 So, I called him back on Monday after he called me. I didn't leave a vm though. He called me back today. I asked why he didn't call me Saturday and he said he was sick. Head cold, fever, couldn't talk. I just like him and I don't think he thinks he has done anything with wrong. My one friend tells me to work it out with him and let him know he was rude. She thinks his just inconsiderate, but this wasn't deal breaking. I don't think he intentionally tries to be rude. He's not a good communicator. I am annoyed and don't think I'll go out with him again. However, how should I end it? He'll probably think wow one weekend I'm sick and you dump me? He claimed he couldn't call me back to cancel our date because he couldn't talk. O.M.G!!! what about a text?!!?? he is one lazy mother f*cker! ok whatever his story is, i would dump and explain why. the reason to do this is that gives them the exact roadmap of what to do to try to win you back. It's a win-win situation--you get some of your dignity back rather than to sit there silently and if he tries to get you back he will know he's on notice and what areas to work on.
Author GH101 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 And you will find another guy who can communicate effectively and not make you feel frazzled like this. Just cut all contact and see what he does. He's a grown man. He can deal with it. If he really couldn't talk, he could have left you a text message/email - that's no excuse. Good points. I don't text though, I don't like it and he knows I don't text. I wish he would have asked for my email months ago though.
Author GH101 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 O.M.G!!! what about a text?!!?? he is one lazy mother f*cker! ok whatever his story is, i would dump and explain why. the reason to do this is that gives them the exact roadmap of what to do to try to win you back. It's a win-win situation--you get some of your dignity back rather than to sit there silently and if he tries to get you back he will know he's on notice and what areas to work on. I don't text and he knows I don't. I don't get it on my phone because I won't pay extra for it. I like your advice though because I never did tell him what he does bothers me. Maybe I should let him know I am mad and annoyed.
Versacehottie Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 He doesn't seem invested at ALL. If you don't text, long ago he would have asked for your email or vice versa. Even if he was sick, it takes 2 minutes to call and say that. In my experience, guys that like you want the pampering/sweetness that comes when you are concerned about their sickness. Of course, people are different but I would say the majority fit that pattern. I think you need to do the strongest option which is break up with and say why not some easier option, like saying your mad or annoyed. Since you have already talked since the sick period, if you didn't say it in that first conversation, then you will just seem crazy. He will view as nagging or bitchy which will make him run away more. What you have to do is take away what he does want. Presumably you and fun time with you. Calmly tell him his level of effort seems like it doesn't seem like he is all that interested and therefore you are not that motivated because you like to be treated better. Calmly give him example of his level of effort that demonstrate what doesn't work for you. Say maybe now is not the best time for us to be dating because of this so we should stop. He will most likely let you break it off with him. But let's see what he does after---he will either try to get you back with better behavior or disappear quite easily. Either way you will have your answer. I can't imagine agreeing to move forward with a relationship that is so lacking. Believe in yourself. You won't find your self worth in this guy or ANY guy. Work on that and you won't find this behavior acceptable. Once you are in a better place with your self-worth, your relationships will be more fulfilling. Good luck 2
mtber75 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 You are not reading too much into and more likely not reading enough into it. This man is a victim of childhood sexual abuse and likely emotional as well and the damage has never been addressed. This is a situation you are certainly not equipped to manage or deal with. You should stop seeing him immediately. Do not stay with someone just to have a boyfriend or because you are having difficulty in dating. Yeah it looks like this guy have a lot of baggage. It looks like he just likes being around you but nothing serious. Does he say anything about what he wants to do with his life? Does he have any goals and aspirations? If you want a long term relationship, I would dump the guy. If you do say with him, are you willing to put up with his emotional issues?
Author GH101 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 He doesn't seem invested at ALL. If you don't text, long ago he would have asked for your email or vice versa. Even if he was sick, it takes 2 minutes to call and say that. In my experience, guys that like you want the pampering/sweetness that comes when you are concerned about their sickness. Of course, people are different but I would say the majority fit that pattern. I think you need to do the strongest option which is break up with and say why not some easier option, like saying your mad or annoyed. Since you have already talked since the sick period, if you didn't say it in that first conversation, then you will just seem crazy. He will view as nagging or bitchy which will make him run away more. What you have to do is take away what he does want. Presumably you and fun time with you. Calmly tell him his level of effort seems like it doesn't seem like he is all that interested and therefore you are not that motivated because you like to be treated better. Calmly give him example of his level of effort that demonstrate what doesn't work for you. Say maybe now is not the best time for us to be dating because of this so we should stop. He will most likely let you break it off with him. But let's see what he does after---he will either try to get you back with better behavior or disappear quite easily. Either way you will have your answer. I can't imagine agreeing to move forward with a relationship that is so lacking. Believe in yourself. You won't find your self worth in this guy or ANY guy. Work on that and you won't find this behavior acceptable. Once you are in a better place with your self-worth, your relationships will be more fulfilling. Good luck Yea, I know. Thanks for your advice. It just all sucks because I finally found a guy who seems to like me and I like him. I just wish he didn't do these wrong things. Most ppl tell me too end it, but my one friend tells me to work out out. See least talk to him.
Author GH101 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Yeah it looks like this guy have a lot of baggage. It looks like he just likes being around you but nothing serious. Does he say anything about what he wants to do with his life? Does he have any goals and aspirations? If you want a long term relationship, I would dump the guy. If you do say with him, are you willing to put up with his emotional issues? Yea, I agree. He wanted to get a better job at Fed ex. He does want to eventually get his own place. I want a guy to casually date and lead top a relationship. I'm not looking to get married right now. I just want a guy I can have fun with. However, he doesn't communicate well and deceives me into believing he is still not with other girls. I don't understand why he said we're in a somewhat serious relationship. He doesn't act like it.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I don't text and he knows I don't. I don't get it on my phone because I won't pay extra for it. I like your advice though because I never did tell him what he does bothers me. Maybe I should let him know I am mad and annoyed. I don't think this would change anything. He isn't invested and only lukewarm about you, at most. A guy who actually likes you would have done a heck of a lot more to win you over. He isn't doing that because he doesn't really care that much about you or what you think. Blunt, yes, but true. 1
Author GH101 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 I don't think this would change anything. He isn't invested and only lukewarm about you, at most. A guy who actually likes you would have done a heck of a lot more to win you over. He isn't doing that because he doesn't really care that much about you or what you think. Blunt, yes, but true. Yea, I understand. He just acts so nice and interested on the date. I do like him and thought he liked me. I just don't understand why he has to send mixed signals and act nuts. My sister hates guys like him and can't stand I've considered going out with him again. She thinks I have emotional problems. I guess it's because I've been rejected by so many guys in the past.
dispatch3d Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 You're the first person to defend him, next to my friend. You think it's okay he can go up to a week without calling me and then claims we're in a somewhat serious relationship? You think what he did New Years was okay? If he didn't have any contact with you for a week that would be a long time. Your kinda too vague here to judge whether I should like or dislike him. If you hung out every day but he didn't call you at all that week then that's fine. If he went no contact for a week unprovoked that's different. Also you could contact him in that time period if you wanted?
Author GH101 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 If he didn't have any contact with you for a week that would be a long time. Your kinda too vague here to judge whether I should like or dislike him. If you hung out every day but he didn't call you at all that week then that's fine. If he went no contact for a week unprovoked that's different. Also you could contact him in that time period if you wanted? He will go a week without calling me and thus past weekend I called him and left a vm and he called me back two days later. We had a date planned the day I called and he just blew it off. He claimed he was sick and couldn't talk. I haven't seen him since New Year Eve and if you read previous posts, you will see what he did New Years Eve to me.
Author GH101 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Okay, so I haven't seen this guy since NYE. He called me last week telling me why he blew me off the weekend before. Apparently he was sick and couldn't talk. I left him a vm, but he didn't return my call for 2 days. We were supposed to go out this past Sunday. I wasn't really going to go, but he didn't know that. I just said I have to see and he told me he would call me over the weekend, he didn't. Today he called twice in an hour. I didn't answer either time. He left me a vm saying he sent me a message about Sun. I called him back to see what he meant by sending me a message. I don't text and I thought he knew that, but apparently he didn't. We never discussed texting before though. He told me he sent me a text on Sun. I told him I don't text and I asked him has he been texting me for the past 5 months and he said no this was his first time texting me. I asked why he he never texted me before and he said he rather talk on the phone. I told him he doesn't call that much as it is and he just said he was sick, busy with work and other stuff going on. He wants to go out Sat to some bars since he has been cooped up in the house for a few weeks, while he was sick. I said I'll have to see. He also told me he bought all these flasks and wants to give me one. I am annoyed and now I am just confused. Why didn't he bother texting me that Sat he blew me off? Why hasn't he tried texting me since we met? If he doesn't care about me or like me that much, why does he bother calling me? Why would he drive to my house and take me out and buy me drinks? I won't sleep with him, we just do some kissing and touching. He seems like a nice guy on the phone and makes everything sound fine. I know it's not fine, but I just wish things could be different. What does everyone think about this?
Author GH101 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Does anyone have any advice on the latest issue with him? I really could use some insight. Should I even try to communicate with him more? Is there anything I can say to him to fix this?
Author GH101 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 Okay, well it's over. Last night we went out. I did call him out on the phone this past week about his lack of communication and other crap he is done. He told me he didn't mean anything by it, was sick, busy with work. Anyways we went to this bar and grill and he ignored me some of the time. He actually turned his back towards me to talk to the guy and girl next to him. He also told me he hasn't been with anyone since he's been sick, so I guess we were never exclusive, but in his eyes a serious relationship. We were in the middle of the date, and all of a sudden he said he had to go see a friend in the city, said he had to do some business, then said it was an interview for a promotion. So he went to the bank and got all this money, then left me waiting in the car in the parking lot for like a half hour while he went to do whatever he was doing. He acted like everything was fine. I didn't want to wait in the car because it was cold, but he asked me to do him this favor. He told me he was happy it only took this long, he was expecting his business to last hours. I couldn't believe this and was scared. I made him take me home. I won't see him again. So what do you guys think he was doing?
Versacehottie Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 drugs? i don't know but he sure sounds like a loser
Author GH101 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 drugs? i don't know but he sure sounds like a loser Yea, I thought drugs too. I just was really confused and upset.
Author GH101 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 obviously it was still something shady and seemed illegal. I thought it was really inconsiderate and rude to leave me in the cold car for almost an hour and he thought it would take longer. He said he dated or dates alot of girls for one night stands or they were on drugs. Our relationship never progressed and he was shady with communication and blowing our dates off. I just couldn't believe what happened yesterday. He also drank alot to and gave me a flask. He said once I never have to sleep with him if I didn't want to. He just has confused, annoyed and upset me since we met. There were good times and I did like him, but it just sucks what happened. He obviously is doing something illegal and lies. He told me he was seeing a friend in the city to get me in the car and then when we were in the car he called it business, then it became a job interview/promotion. It's over, but I wanted to hear what other people thought he could be doing. I don't have experience with shady stuff, so just wanted to ask on here.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 If he doesn't care about me or like me that much, why does he bother calling me? Why would he drive to my house and take me out and buy me drinks? I won't sleep with him, we just do some kissing and touching. He seems like a nice guy on the phone and makes everything sound fine. I know it's not fine, but I just wish things could be different. He acts like that because not everything is black and white. Not everything is a situation where either you really like the person enough to try dating and having a go at things; or you don't like them at all. Sometimes a man might enjoy your company, find you physically attractive and think you're a cool person. That doesn't mean he'll want to date you. I know this because this has happened to me before. And yet, knowing that you're holding back on the sex, he isn't trying to progress the relationship romantically so that you feel comfortable and bonded to him for it to happen. It feels like you are in a limbo. Because you haven't had sex yet, maybe he thinks it might be on the table at some point if he holds steady. Now maybe for the future, you should have a mental cut off point for yourself, where you decide when to pull out from a situation if it doesn't feel like there's romantic progression. Now you don't have to freeze him out if you're not ready to, but you can at least stop reaching out to him at that point. The best way to find out how much effort someone is willing to put out, is if you stop making the effort yourself. A guy who cares enough will get in touch with you. But be warned, some guys miss the ego boost and will continue to try and wind you in because they miss the attention. This is not playing games by the way, it's just called taking a step back and cutting your losses. Have you ever asked him what he's looking for? Now I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks and at one point we were out drinking and the question sort of came into my head (I had not planned this but it just happened in the moment). I casually asked him what he's looking for (I don't remember the phrasing 'cause I was drunk haha)...Anyway he ended up saying he is mainly looking to have fun times with his friends at the moment then asked me what I wanted and I told him straight out I was looking for love. This told me without too much drama or awkward conversation that we are probably thinking about the situation differently. I didn't have to grovel to get his answer - and you shouldn't either. Most times a guy will reveal his truth when faced with a direct question somehow (even if he tries to paint it in the best light). Also in my experience, you can't expect to change a guy's mindset. If a guy has a different dating mindset to you, you can't expect to change it. You have to think whether you can work with this mindset. You can either accept it for what it is and enjoy spending time with him with full knowledge that it's going to be a temporary thing, or you can ride off into the sunset to find someone whose dating mindset matches yours.
Author GH101 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 He acts like that because not everything is black and white. Not everything is a situation where either you really like the person enough to try dating and having a go at things; or you don't like them at all. Sometimes a man might enjoy your company, find you physically attractive and think you're a cool person. That doesn't mean he'll want to date you. I know this because this has happened to me before. And yet, knowing that you're holding back on the sex, he isn't trying to progress the relationship romantically so that you feel comfortable and bonded to him for it to happen. It feels like you are in a limbo. Because you haven't had sex yet, maybe he thinks it might be on the table at some point if he holds steady. Now maybe for the future, you should have a mental cut off point for yourself, where you decide when to pull out from a situation if it doesn't feel like there's romantic progression. Now you don't have to freeze him out if you're not ready to, but you can at least stop reaching out to him at that point. The best way to find out how much effort someone is willing to put out, is if you stop making the effort yourself. A guy who cares enough will get in touch with you. But be warned, some guys miss the ego boost and will continue to try and wind you in because they miss the attention. This is not playing games by the way, it's just called taking a step back and cutting your losses. Have you ever asked him what he's looking for? Now I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks and at one point we were out drinking and the question sort of came into my head (I had not planned this but it just happened in the moment). I casually asked him what he's looking for (I don't remember the phrasing 'cause I was drunk haha)...Anyway he ended up saying he is mainly looking to have fun times with his friends at the moment then asked me what I wanted and I told him straight out I was looking for love. This told me without too much drama or awkward conversation that we are probably thinking about the situation differently. I didn't have to grovel to get his answer - and you shouldn't either. Most times a guy will reveal his truth when faced with a direct question somehow (even if he tries to paint it in the best light). Also in my experience, you can't expect to change a guy's mindset. If a guy has a different dating mindset to you, you can't expect to change it. You have to think whether you can work with this mindset. You can either accept it for what it is and enjoy spending time with him with full knowledge that it's going to be a temporary thing, or you can ride off into the sunset to find someone whose dating mindset matches yours. Thanks for your advice. However it's a little late for this situation. We met on POF and he was looking for a relationship and I asked again on a date and he said he was looking for a relationship. I guess you haven't read my latest posts. He is really shady, deceitful and liar. I think he's a drug dealer and we're done. What do you think he was doing last night in your opinion?
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