Author GH101 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 You need to speak to him. Ask him what he wants. Tell him what you want. Get straight answers. If you don't, then that's an answer in itself. If you really are happy with this casual, non-committal thing and that's what he wants then that's okay. But you need to be honest - both with yourself and with him. And he needs to be honest back. IMO if what you're looking for is a relationship and he just wants something casual and uncommitted then you're going to become increasingly unhappy and your self-esteem will take a knock. It does sound as if you want something committed and exclusive or you wouldn't be so concerned about his apparent lack of commitment and exclusivity. If you keep going along with things on his terms - and they don't match with yours - then he's going to think you're fine with it. (BTW, after a few months I think it's perfectly normal to want exclusivity and some commitment, and to opt out if you're not being offered it.) Thanks for your advice.
Author GH101 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Thanks everyone for your advice. I am still dating other guys and am still looking for new guys. I enjoy spending time with him and we have a lot of fun together. No guy has seemed to like me as much as he does and I enjoy getting to finally date someone. I understand we're not in a relationship and I am upset about his mixed signals. I find it strange we are spending New Years together though. I am mad he didn't get me a gift. He also talks about his past dates and gfs a lot on our dates. I don't understand why he says these things.
Author GH101 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 What do you think about him wanting to spend New Years with me? We haven't talked since we went out last Friday.
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 I just don't understand his lack of calling. We're going to AC tomorrow for new years, but we haven't talked since we went out Friday. Do you think I should pay for anything tomorrow or should he just spend his money. We're taking the train.
newlyborn Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I just don't understand his lack of calling. We're going to AC tomorrow for new years, but we haven't talked since we went out Friday. Do you think I should pay for anything tomorrow or should he just spend his money. We're taking the train. take your own money. if he doesn't pay, you will be able to pay for yourself. see what he does. i don't know that it means anything in particular that you are spending NYE together. he enjoys your company. though he is not dating you exclusively, you may be the only person he is dating consistently. it is good that you are enjoying yourself. just don't trick yourself into believing this is more than what it is, which is a casual relationship.
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 take your own money. if he doesn't pay, you will be able to pay for yourself. see what he does. i don't know that it means anything in particular that you are spending NYE together. he enjoys your company. though he is not dating you exclusively, you may be the only person he is dating consistently. it is good that you are enjoying yourself. just don't trick yourself into believing this is more than what it is, which is a casual relationship. thanks for the advice, I am trying to just take him and our time together for what it is. We're having fun and I enjoy spending time with him. I know he's not the best guy in the world, but I don't have anyone else to date at the moment. I am glad to have a date for NYE. I will bring my own money, but not say I have any right away. I know we're just casually dating, i'm just not sure why he tries to deceive me sometimes though and makes me think its more than it is.
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 You are supposed to do NYE with the guy and neither of you have spoken to the other since FRIDAY? Are you sure you still have a date for tonight?
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 You are supposed to do NYE with the guy and neither of you have spoken to the other since FRIDAY? Are you sure you still have a date for tonight? Well this is what he does. We have went 10 days without talking and he calls me up and acts like we just chatted yesterday. He only calls me right before we go out, he never just calls to chat. He will call the day before or that day we're going out. I know it's strange and a red flag, but this is what he has always done. I have asked him to call me earlier, but he never has. He even claimed he liked talking on the phone. He seems to think every phone convo needs to be a long time and he feels he needs to block out a large part of time to talk to me. I don't know why he does this. He has been talking about NYE with me since September, so I'm sure we'll go.
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 So, maybe I missed the rest of the thread, but why haven't YOU ever called him? Did I miss that part? 1
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 So, maybe I missed the rest of the thread, but why haven't YOU ever called him? Did I miss that part? I have called him before, like after the 10 days and after a week of not talking. He just always says he'll call me. I don't want to chase him. He always waits until the last minute to call me and barely calls as it is, so why should I be the one to call?
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Then yeah, definitely a FWB/FB scenario playing out here. Guard your emotions carefully. In all honesty, you probably should consider dating other people in the meantime too. NYE doesn't really mean anything. It's overhyped, overrated but at least you are going to AC. Please tell me you have a room right on the boardwalk, at least.
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Then yeah, definitely a FWB/FB scenario playing out here. Guard your emotions carefully. In all honesty, you probably should consider dating other people in the meantime too. NYE doesn't really mean anything. It's overhyped, overrated but at least you are going to AC. Please tell me you have a room right on the boardwalk, at least. I am still dating other people. I just have trouble getting second dates with guys. We are taking the train around 9 because he has to work and then we're taking the train home at like 6:30a.m. We're not getting a room and just staying up all night. He actually thought of this and told me. I thought he took off and we would go around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, but last time we were out he said he had to work and we would just stay in AC all night.
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Oh boy. Well, good luck. Eh, you'll eventually get to a second date. I just wouldn't take this guy too seriously. I'd have loved to do AC with the bunch of friends I am staying up with tonight, but I think we're all a little partied out.
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Oh boy. Well, good luck. Eh, you'll eventually get to a second date. I just wouldn't take this guy too seriously. I'd have loved to do AC with the bunch of friends I am staying up with tonight, but I think we're all a little partied out. Yea, I'm excited about it. I just hope we go he seems to think the train runs all night, but it doesn't. I wish he would have called today because now I don't really know what time he's picking me up and the schedule for tonight.
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Have a back-up plan with any friends, just in case? I know he's been "planning" it since September, when I make plans, I used the same principle as a condom: I'd rather have a Plan B and not use it than need a Plan B and not have it. 1
Author GH101 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Posted December 31, 2014 Have a back-up plan with any friends, just in case? I know he's been "planning" it since September, when I make plans, I used the same principle as a condom: I'd rather have a Plan B and not use it than need a Plan B and not have it. I do have a plan with some family and friends. Yea, I hear what you're saying. Thanks for your advice and happy new year!
oldshirt Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Since you seem stuck on labels and classifications, yes, this is casual Sat night dating. It is not a formal, serious relationship. He is multi dating. You should be doing the same. It's ok to go to this NYE party with him. Have fun. Be safe. Just don't make this out to be any more than it is. I think he does enjoy your company but it's obvious he is not pursuing a serious, exclusive relationship with you. He is not pressuring you for sex because he doesn't need to - he's getting that from other women. My advice is have fun and enjoy the company but don't invest anything you aren't willing to lose. Stay on the market and go out with whoever you want. One day one of you is going to fade away and it will be over like a fog clearing with the morning sun. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Girl, you need to call him and at least find out if he's still planning on attending this party. Stop waiting around for him and get on with it! That way, if he cancels, you can start making alternate plans. You're being far too passive; would you treat a friend the way he's treating you? As the others said, this is very casual and don't get invested. Continue dating other guys who are more serious about making a commitment, if that's what you're looking for.
Author GH101 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Okay, so he finally called me last night at 7:30 asking me if I still wanted to go. I said yea. I was confused by this question since we've been planning to spend New Years together since September. He then told me we can't go to AC because he didn't have enough gas to get to the train station. We ended up going to Friday's and ordered appetizers and drinks because it was cheaper for happy hour, that's what he said. We then went to a casino and he didn't kiss me at midnight. He told me later he had a sore throat and was complaining about it. I asked him what he thought we were and he said we're in a serious or sonewhat serious relationship. I didn't ask him about monogamy or exclusivity though. So what the hell is with this guy. He barely calls me and then cancels our original New Years plans because he didn't have gas? I thought we were just casually dating, but he doesn't. He said we can go to AC maybe next month and he is planning a trip to California with me this summer. We were also in his car and a cop was coming down the street and he freaked out and got so nervous. I asked him if he had ever been in trouble with the cops and he said no, just that if he did that would be it. What's wrong with him?
Author GH101 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 This is more of an update from my last thread. Okay, so I am a 25 year old woman and I have been dating this guy who is 27 since August. I think he's attractive, I am attracted to him, we have fun together and I like him. We met on a dating site and we were both looking for a relationship. Also, I have never had much luck with guys before. I have trouble getting second dates. I am somewhat attractive, but this guy I am dating is really attractive, seems to be really girl crazy and seems to be able to get girls easy. I am confused why he is dating me? I won't sleep with him and he is okay with that. We do some sexual stuff, but I don't understand why he even dates me. Our relationship has never progressed. We still just hang out once a week at a bar, day trip etc. We seem like we're casually dating, but he tries to deceive me and make me believe he isn't dating other girls. Like when he talks about girls he always makes it seem like it was in the past and then when his condoms go missing he lies to me and acts like there were fewer in the box than he thought or they were different sizes in one box. He talks about trips he wants to take with me in the future and he asked me out for New Years back in September. He also didn't buy me a holiday gift, what's that about, do you think he should have? I'm not saying a diamond bracelet, but maybe a little something. Okay, so he finally called me last night at 7:30 asking me if I still wanted to go. I said yea. I was confused by this question since we've been planning to spend New Years together since September. He then told me we can't go to AC because he didn't have enough gas to get to the train station. We ended up going to Friday's and ordered appetizers and drinks because it was cheaper for happy hour, that's what he said. We then went to a casino and he didn't kiss me at midnight. He told me later he had a sore throat and was complaining about it. I asked him what he thought we were and he said we're in a serious or sonewhat serious relationship. I didn't ask him about monogamy or exclusivity though. So what the hell is with this guy. He barely calls me and then cancels our original New Years plans because he didn't have gas? I thought we were just casually dating, but he doesn't. He said we can go to AC maybe next month and he is planning a trip to California with me this summer. We were also in his car and a cop was coming down the street and he freaked out and got so nervous. I asked him if he had ever been in trouble with the cops and he said no, just that if he did that would be it. What's wrong with him?
Leigh 87 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 OR what is wrong with you? I don't date guys who act like this because I have better options to choose from. A guy that had been seeing me since August? Well, I only see men who, by now, would be buying me Christmas gifts and who have already fallen in love with me by those few months. I wouldn't accept wishy washy behaviour and cancelled plans due to no gas. What is wrong with you and why don't you dump him and wait for a more decent guy to come along? 3
SoundofPerseverence Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 OR what is wrong with you? I don't date guys who act like this because I have better options to choose from. A guy that had been seeing me since August? Well, I only see men who, by now, would be buying me Christmas gifts and who have already fallen in love with me by those few months. I wouldn't accept wishy washy behaviour and cancelled plans due to no gas. What is wrong with you and why don't you dump him and wait for a more decent guy to come along? Because she would rather be an afterthought for a man out of her league than date a man in her league The guy in question is more attractive than her and is supposedly very good with women 2
Author GH101 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 OR what is wrong with you? I don't date guys who act like this because I have better options to choose from. A guy that had been seeing me since August? Well, I only see men who, by now, would be buying me Christmas gifts and who have already fallen in love with me by those few months. I wouldn't accept wishy washy behaviour and cancelled plans due to no gas. What is wrong with you and why don't you dump him and wait for a more decent guy to come along? I am still looking for decent guys. I am still trying to find someone better. I just have never had a guy like me as much as he appears to. We have fun together and I wanted to date him until another guy comes along. I just think what happened New Years was bad. One of my friends tells me to dump him and my other friend doesn't think anything is that bad and to continue dating him until someone better comes along. I am so torn and confused and really need advice.
SoundofPerseverence Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I am still looking for decent guys. I am still trying to find someone better. I just have never had a guy like me as much as he appears to. We have fun together and I wanted to date him until another guy comes along. I just think what happened New Years was bad. One of my friends tells me to dump him and my other friend doesn't think anything is that bad and to continue dating him until someone better comes along. I am so torn and confused and really need advice. What he did is atrocious. I wouldn't treat a fwb like that, much less a GF the longer you stay with him, the more you will damage your self esteem
Leigh 87 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Because she would rather be an afterthought for a man out of her league than date a man in her league The guy in question is more attractive than her and is supposedly very good with women Well it sounds harsh but there is some truth to it. I go for guys in my own league look wise. They seem to find me really attractive. I've never had the problem that the OP has. .. I'm sure it isn't just about leagues here. ... my cousin is madly in love with an obese girl. He could have gotten a slimme and fitter girl yet he fell hard for her. More often than not though, it's the guys who are really attractive and who consequently, do well with the ladies, who generally won't settle and invest effort until they meet someone that knocks their socks off.....
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