Author GH101 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) Okay, so I am a 25 year old woman and I have been dating this guy who is 27 since August. I think he's attractive, I am attracted to him, we have fun together and I like him. We met on a dating site and we were both looking for a relationship. Also, I have never had much luck with guys before. I have trouble getting second dates. I am somewhat attractive, but this guy I am dating is really attractive, seems to be really girl crazy and seems to be able to get girls easy. I am confused why he is dating me? I won't sleep with him and he is okay with that. We do some sexual stuff, but I don't understand why he even dates me. Our relationship has never progressed. We still just hang out once a week at a bar, day trip etc. We seem like we're casually dating, but he tries to deceive me and make me believe he isn't dating other girls. Like when he talks about girls he always makes it seem like it was in the past and then when his condoms go missing he lies to me and acts like there were fewer in the box than he thought or they were different sizes in one box. He talks about trips he wants to take with me in the future and he asked me out for New Years back in September. He also didn't buy me a holiday gift, what's that about, do you think he should have? I'm not saying a diamond bracelet, but maybe a little something. I am concerned to ask him where this is going because it makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to have an awkward moment. What do you guys think? Edited December 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed bold
Conners Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Yeah he's definitely having sex with other women, what a lame excuse about the condoms. One question though, if you are not having sex with him, how do you know condoms are missing? I can't tell what his intentions are but a lot of people want to "try before they buy". It's a bit of an odd situation though and it sounds like your self esteem needs some work.
coolheadal Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Well you know he's cheating on you already (hint the box items are less than prior ). Right now the two of just casually dating without any firm commitments. Where are you two hanging out (hint the bar) What do you talk about? (hint the future) What should be talking about the NOW! (hint what your not doing together). I see this more than lite on an off dating. He can come and go as he pleases and also pretty much do whatever he wants. He's a player so he's going to be playing the field (testing out the new babes in the woods). You already know what he's after and your not really giving it to him. (You do have morals) He doesn't. What should you do, best to move on and find the right guy you want to trust, date and hopefully have a good relationship on your terms. That's where your morals comes into play. Because right now with this player his morals are not what you would consider yourself doing with him. 1
Author GH101 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Yeah he's definitely having sex with other women, what a lame excuse about the condoms. One question though, if you are not having sex with him, how do you know condoms are missing? I can't tell what his intentions are but a lot of people want to "try before they buy". It's a bit of an odd situation though and it sounds like your self esteem needs some work. I wanted to use a condom for oral. I know it sounds like a weird situation and I just can't figure him out. I mean he seems like a player on the surface, but he isn't trying to sleep with me. I know he is obviously with other people, but I don't understand why he is dating me though. Do you think spending New Years with someone is a big step and do causally dating people spend this holiday together? Do you think planning trips together clarify as casually dating too?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I wanted to use a condom for oral. I know it sounds like a weird situation and I just can't figure him out. I mean he seems like a player on the surface, but he isn't trying to sleep with me. I know he is obviously with other people, but I don't understand why he is dating me though. Do you think spending New Years with someone is a big step and do causally dating people spend this holiday together? Do you think planning trips together clarify as casually dating too? I don't really think it's a big step, no. He's clearly still sleeping with other girls, which tells me he's happy to keep his options open but doesn't want to hurt you by admitting what he's doing. It's been 4 months with no progress - I'd put this one to bed. It doesn't sound like it's really going anywhere. 1
Diezel Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I don't really think it's a big step, no. He's clearly still sleeping with other girls, which tells me he's happy to keep his options open but doesn't want to hurt you by admitting what he's doing. It's been 4 months with no progress - I'd put this one to bed. It doesn't sound like it's really going anywhere. I can guarantee that's exactly what he is thinking. 4 months, no progress. He's just going to keep doing what he is doing, regardless.
Leigh 87 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Some guys don't have anything better to do than spend time talking to women who they are not that into. For a guy, as long as they don't find you unpleasant and they are attracted to you enough to get hard for sex, they will keep you around to chat to, text and/ or hanging out. What separates hook up and FWB material from dating material is whether or not the guy Iin question finds you to be interesting, respectable and hen feels that you mesh well together. This guy's likes your company enough to tolerate you and is hoping you and him a can have some fun. Please date others and forget about this guy ! He is NOT into you.
Leigh 87 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 And after 4 months, a guy who is really into you knows it by now. Plenty of guys know by now whether they are falling in love by the first or second months. They are in love by month end or so if they are smitten. If a guy isn't in love with you after four months he is never going to be. You're just a girl that he's passing the time with.
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 This relationship isn't filling either of your needs. End it.
toscaroscura Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Am I correct in reading that he's also receiving blowjobs from you? Please tell me he's interested in pleasuring you too. But I'm going to guess that's a big fat no. This "relationship" sounds doomed to me.
preraph Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 You need to stop the negative thinking about yourself. For crying out loud, you may not consider yourself the best looking person around and be marvelling that he's better looking, but who we're attracted to, though there do seem to be some generalities, aren't all cookie cutter people. For most individuals, there will be some type they think is attractive that maybe their friends do not. In my younger days, the leader of the pack in our friends was constantly dating these tall thin but shapeless women and no one could figure out why he liked that type. I mean they were not very pretty and he was the hot guy in our group. Proof that they were not pretty to other guys is that none of the other guys dated any of them -- and in our group, it was outright incest with everyone dating everyone, pretty much at one time or another. It's not like they were endowed with great personalities either, because no one was really able to connect with them and once he was done in a couple of years, they disappeared like smoke. But obviously, this is what he was attracted to and comfortable with. Likewise the best looking guy I ever knew, who I crushed on my entire life, I never saw him with anyone classically beautiful, though he didn't seem to have just one type. I think he was looking for the woman who had the personality of his mother because he always got this little crooked smile when he talked about his mom. It was sweet -- but it didn't do me any good because I wasn't a mild sweet woman like his mother. Oh, well. Stop questioning yourself. He probably has trouble sensing if you're even interested in him since you're so uncertain about why he's there. So put your all into it (though it's fine not to have sex -- that probably intrigues him) and see if he takes more time with you and less with the other ladies. If not, you gave it a shot.
Author GH101 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Am I correct in reading that he's also receiving blowjobs from you? Please tell me he's interested in pleasuring you too. But I'm going to guess that's a big fat no. This "relationship" sounds doomed to me. He tries to pleasure me too, but we do these things in his car since he doesn't have his own place.
Author GH101 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 You need to stop the negative thinking about yourself. For crying out loud, you may not consider yourself the best looking person around and be marvelling that he's better looking, but who we're attracted to, though there do seem to be some generalities, aren't all cookie cutter people. For most individuals, there will be some type they think is attractive that maybe their friends do not. In my younger days, the leader of the pack in our friends was constantly dating these tall thin but shapeless women and no one could figure out why he liked that type. I mean they were not very pretty and he was the hot guy in our group. Proof that they were not pretty to other guys is that none of the other guys dated any of them -- and in our group, it was outright incest with everyone dating everyone, pretty much at one time or another. It's not like they were endowed with great personalities either, because no one was really able to connect with them and once he was done in a couple of years, they disappeared like smoke. But obviously, this is what he was attracted to and comfortable with. Likewise the best looking guy I ever knew, who I crushed on my entire life, I never saw him with anyone classically beautiful, though he didn't seem to have just one type. I think he was looking for the woman who had the personality of his mother because he always got this little crooked smile when he talked about his mom. It was sweet -- but it didn't do me any good because I wasn't a mild sweet woman like his mother. Oh, well. Stop questioning yourself. He probably has trouble sensing if you're even interested in him since you're so uncertain about why he's there. So put your all into it (though it's fine not to have sex -- that probably intrigues him) and see if he takes more time with you and less with the other ladies. If not, you gave it a shot. Thanks for your advice. I just never seem to be able to get a second dates from guys. I have been out with all different types and nobody seems to like me. Then this attractive guy that seems to be able to get all these other girls wants to spend New Years with me and date me. I am just confused and am scared he is hiding something.
Author GH101 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Do you guys think dating since Aug, planning trips together and spending New Years together makes us more than causally dating? Do you think it was bad he didn't get me a present for Christmas? We just never had the talk of what we are to each other. He'll go a week without calling me and we only see each other on weekends. He blew me off to decorate with his family a few weeks ago. I just can't figure him out, he sends such mixed signals.
toscaroscura Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 Do you guys think dating since Aug, planning trips together and spending New Years together makes us more than causally dating? Do you think it was bad he didn't get me a present for Christmas? We just never had the talk of what we are to each other. He'll go a week without calling me and we only see each other on weekends. He blew me off to decorate with his family a few weeks ago. I just can't figure him out, he sends such mixed signals. The only way to find out is to talk to him about it. And if he dodges the questions or tries to get cute, that is an answer too.
Author GH101 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 The only way to find out is to talk to him about it. And if he dodges the questions or tries to get cute, that is an answer too. Thanks for advice
Author GH101 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 The only way to find out is to talk to him about it. And if he dodges the questions or tries to get cute, that is an answer too. What do you think about us spending New Years together? Do you think people do this who are just casually dating?
Satu Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 You're wasting your time - this will never become more than it is. Walk away and find a better man. 1
elaine567 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 What do you think about us spending New Years together? Do you think people do this who are just casually dating? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/508188-crushed-he-has-another-woman-his-house-tonight-2.html#post6075502 I have a cousin who literally at every family event he has some new woman, even at my grandmother's funeral! They all smile like Cheshire cats thinking they are his one true love, when we all know he is a cheater not to mention changes women like underwear...hence I wouldn't advise a woman to assume certain things mean serious if you in fact never spoke of exclusivity. Never assume anything, have the exclusivity talk and if he says "baby lets just take it slow" or he looks shifty and won't give you a straight response, then you have your answer. Watch all the way through 1
Author GH101 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 You're wasting your time - this will never become more than it is. Walk away and find a better man. Yea, I know we will probably not get into a relationship. However, I do enjoy spending time with him and I don't have anyone else to date. I enjoy dating and I like him. I am still continuing to search for other guys to date though. I just think he is shady and I'm not sure about him. We are spending New Years together and he didn't get me a holiday gift. He will go a week without calling me and we only see each other once a week; sometimes its longer. We went to a bar this past week and we were dancing and for a second he whispered something to the girl next to us and danced with her. It was only a second, but I was annoyed. I just wish we could be on the same page about what we are to each other. He claimed he wanted a relationship, but its been like 5 months since we met and our relationship hasn't progressed. He said it could take him up to a year before he decides to be in a relationship with someone.
Author GH101 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/508188-crushed-he-has-another-woman-his-house-tonight-2.html#post6075502 Never assume anything, have the exclusivity talk and if he says "baby lets just take it slow" or he looks shifty and won't give you a straight response, then you have your answer. Watch all the way through What do you think about us spending New Years together though? He asked me out for it back in September.
Satu Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 What do you think about us spending New Years together though? He asked me out for it back in September. He's feeding you a diet of crumbs. It's not enough. Move on. 1
Author GH101 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 He's feeding you a diet of crumbs. It's not enough. He seems to really like me on the dates and acts really nice. He just doesn't call me for like a week and finalizes plans with me the day before or that day. I just feel I should continue to date him until someone better comes along. This way I can still date and have fun with someone I like. I don't have many friends and am unemployed. I just wish he didn't try to deceive me into believing he is only dating me. How should I bring up about what we are to each other or question him about other girls?
Satu Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 He seems to really like me on the dates and acts really nice. He just doesn't call me for like a week and finalizes plans with me the day before or that day. I just feel I should continue to date him until someone better comes along. This way I can still date and have fun with someone I like. I don't have many friends and am unemployed. I just wish he didn't try to deceive me into believing he is only dating me. How should I bring up about what we are to each other or question him about other girls? If it's enough for you carry on, but it wouldn't be enough for anyone with even a bit of self-esteem.
Quest Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 You need to speak to him. Ask him what he wants. Tell him what you want. Get straight answers. If you don't, then that's an answer in itself. If you really are happy with this casual, non-committal thing and that's what he wants then that's okay. But you need to be honest - both with yourself and with him. And he needs to be honest back. IMO if what you're looking for is a relationship and he just wants something casual and uncommitted then you're going to become increasingly unhappy and your self-esteem will take a knock. It does sound as if you want something committed and exclusive or you wouldn't be so concerned about his apparent lack of commitment and exclusivity. If you keep going along with things on his terms - and they don't match with yours - then he's going to think you're fine with it. (BTW, after a few months I think it's perfectly normal to want exclusivity and some commitment, and to opt out if you're not being offered it.)
Recommended Posts