What's Next?

[sprater]

Alright, this will be a relatively long story.. feel free to ask any questions.

 

I'm going to give you a brief description of my current situation, so you'll understand it is not only her that has a messed up situation. I have two children, with an ex. I am currently seeing someone of 2 years. Her and I have been mainly "rommates" for the past year, as we pay the bills; help each other through, and that's it. No romance, nothing. On my part anyway, because I no longer have feelings for her and I haven't for a while; but I'm not the most financially stable person, and until my lease is up, I have no intentions on breaking it off with her as I am her "first" and those are typically really touchy as it is.. I know it's wrong of me, for both my current (other) relationship, and for her.. but sometimes you've gotta do something you know that is wrong just simply to survive.. and that's what I'm doing.. I'm in a custody battle with my ex, and me getting evicted due to entering a lease because of the dual income wouldn't grant me custody.

 

This is one of those quick, intense romance stories. My ex is my superior at work. We work in a call-center environment, so it's nothing too serious. I have never had an in-work relationship until her. She had talked about how she had previous romantic encounters with a few coworkers, so I felt comfortable as it didn't effect their job, or hers (as they all still currently work here). So I pursued it. It was going to just be a casual fling, but ever since her and I kissed for the first time, we couldn't get enough of each other. She is 24, and I am 20, if that makes a difference.

 

She has a very complicated in-home situation. She is bisexual, and has been with another woman for the past 9 going on 10 years (since she was a sophmore/junior in highschool). This relationship has consisted of excessive mental and physical abuse, that she has dealt with for all that time. She has told me numerous times that she doesn't believe in mistakes, although that is the only situation that she would identify as a "mistake". She continuously says how terribly she has screwed herself to have put herself in that situation. They have 3 vehicles, both joint-owned.. a bank account, and a cell phone policy. She wouldn't see me outside of work because her female significant other had threatened to take everything if she didn't wait to see someone until they have everything separated...

 

I told her that I'd wait for her. I'd take the time that I can get from her at work, and that I'd wait... so a few months pass by, we even talk about marriage and having kids. She told me I was 1 of the only 2 people she has ever seen and actually discussed the "future" with. We had a very open relationship. When something bothered one another, we would immediately express our feelings without being harsh and scolding one another.. we would always be sensitive to each others feelings.

 

Last night, I had seen a picture posted on Facebook of her and her "ex" who she was still living with her, of them somewhat cuddled up on the couch. It looks like she had passed out and her ex had sat down and put her arm around her. I expressed my concerns, told her I trust her.. but told her it really hurt me and that I was upset she didn't address it to her ex to keep her distance. After this conversation, she told me she would go home and immediately address it to her ex and remind her of the separation boundaries that they had set.

 

(what I think contributed to the breakup, I will go ahead and explain in the next paragraph)

Previously I had offered her money to separate the possessions, and move her ex out. Because the whole current waiting game was "to save up money". She said no, she couldn't accept money from me, not even if I allowed her to pay me back. Well, we discussed it multiple times after that occasion and she told me that she can make that sacrifice for us. So, after the conversation regarding the picture, I had told her I was going to give her $1,500 so she could get out of her situation. She said, "Okay."... Going somewhat into the next paragraph, prior to that conversation when she was telling me that she "needs time" as I was badgering her to tell me what was wrong, she made a comment.. "Why is it that with you it is always all or nothing?" and "You really don't want to have this conversation here".... She kept saying she didn't want to have it over text or IM, but I pushed it; because I wanted to know what was wrong.... So I think that is hinting to a contributing factor to how this ended..

 

Today, she comes into work, and is very distant. I badger and badger her to tell me what's wrong, because nothing is better left unsaid.. except for this. She told me that she had "once loved me" but doesn't "love me anymore" but still cares about me. That after her and I had that talk, throughout the day, she had allowed her ex to move back into the bedroom. She told me that she wasn't going to give up on a 9 going on 10 year relationship. Although I was the first person to get it started.. I was the first person that had gotten her to say that she is no longer interested in being with a woman.

 

So at this point, I'm lost. Yesterday, she had said, "I've never been happier with us. When I look into the future, all I see is you and me." And then today, it's an "I don't love you, I've always loved her. I am going to make it work between her and I.". I didn't approach anything hastily, or anything.

 

I have never felt so strongly for someone. It is hard that we work the same hours, sit next to each other, and it's just such a stressful situation... I feel in every ounce of my being that she is suppressing her feelings for me due to something that happened at home after her and I parted. I don't feel like an ounce of this is true, because how can it be.. how can something change overnight? I share equal feelings with this woman, I want to share the rest of my life with her. There's nothing that I want more. By the way, this was all over a work messenger. I asked her about the whole "Needing time" thing, and she said that was easier to say than just saying that it was over.. however I am in disbelief. She has got an act for suppressing her feelings.

 

So my question to you all is, how do I get her back? This is the first woman that has been "worth the pain".. and all I can think about is getting her back. Her known weakness is confrontation; speaking to me face to face. This has saved so many previous breakups with her and I.. is me being in front of her, and talking to her. Should I confront her after work one day? Should I give her a few weeks, then confront her after work?.. or is it the longer that I wait, the more chance I risk of her actually convincing herself that she no longer loves me and losing her for good?.... I feel as if at this point, it'd have to be a forceful conversation. Waiting for her after we both get off, she can easily just ignore me and drive off. If I tell her that I'd follow her home if she didn't talk to me, I feel that she would stay; because she doesn't want her ex, or her current, whichever she is to her; knowing about her and I.... Like I said, I really don't feel as if she meant any part of this, that something happened today and she's simply suppressing her feelings and trying to run away; but she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I really want to do whatever I can to make this work. I want her, and only her.

 

Any and all advice would greatly be appreciated, even if it is not what I want to hear.. but I have always heard that if she is worth the pain.. if she's worth the fight; then giving up isn't an option. If you really feel as if she's the one for you, then you won't give up.. under any circumstances... Thanks in advanced everyone.

 

EDIT: Just to add to this, she is not what I would call emotionally stable. She has "panic attacks", and is on medication for this. She also was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After her most recent panic attack, she left; but the next day she returned. It had been clear ever since; this didn't seem like a panic attack, I don't know what I'd call this...

 

I've read on "NC" but I dont see how

a.) No contact will help me with getting her back.

 

b.) How no contact is possible. She's my direct supervisor at work. I report to her. We sit next to each other as. We're on 3rds, so there aren't other "supervisors". I'd have to switch shifts, which with my lifestyle; would be very inconvenient for me.. nearly impossible. Also, our work has a strict policy on fraternizing.. so I can't really express this situation.

Edited December 28, 2014 by sprater

[sprater]

No thoughts at all?...

 

Here's an update.. the other night she caved and kissed me and said she wanted me back.. so obviously being weak I said okay, and we're back together.

 

So now it just goes back to just seeing each other at work until she kicks her ex girlfriend out of the house. We had previously discussed living together and such. And she just randomly texted me yesterday and said, "Once she leaves, I don't think we should live together."

 

It's just like she's constantly back tracking rather than progressing... does anyone have an opinion at all?