He chose the party over me

[frozengirl]

Well I am not going and if he goes fine end of story.

[writergal]

Well I am not going and if he goes fine end of story.

 

It sounds like you've made this a deal-breaker to seeing him again? Well, if that's the case, then so be it. But you may be missing out on dating a great guy.

[MissBee]

Me, I have never been a party goer or one to go to partys nor have I ever drank, smoked, or done drugs ever in my life because I choose not to do these things.

 

Anyway, this one guy I have gone on a few dates, told me of this New Years Eve party, where there will be drinking, smoking etc. Just a typical hang out and drink etc. get together.

 

Me not being into this sort of thing passed on it but this guy plans to go to it. In my mind I was thinking it would have been more romantic or nice of him to have said or done this, "I don't have to go to the party, I'd rather spend New Years Eve with you instead of some party any day".

 

Of course this was not the case and again he chose the party over me. Why is it that some guys and girls rather choose this or that over you? Whether id' be like this going to a party than hang with you, or go to the movies with friends than spend time with you, among other similarities.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

You are not in a relationship form what you're saying, you've been on a few dates, you can't expect him to forego NYE plans (which he invited you to but you didn't want to go to which is your right) for you. This is presumptuous IMO. If you have been in a relationship for a while then of course I can understand wanting this but if a guy I have been briefly seeing and been on a few dates with doesn't want to come out for NYE I'm gonna probably still go if it was already planned with people who've been around way longer than him.

 

This isn't a case here of your boyfriend or girlfriend choosing a party over you. This is the case of a guy you're casually seeing choosing to go to a NYE party that you don't want to go to.

[MissBee]

My point case in this topic was wouldn't it have been more romantic if the guy would have picked me over the party? Even if it was 1 date or a month of dating if the guy picks the girl over the party or something else, that is telling the girl "I like you more than anything else" thats amazing to hear from a guy than him picking his friends or a party or video games or anything else, because he likes you so much he wants you and you only. IF I was a guy I would have picked the girl over anything else.

 

Then you woke up and this is life, not a romance movie.

 

You are not living in a romantic comedy where people do all kinds of unrealistic and romantic things with people they barely know.

 

That's the fantasy right? That men we barely know will do large romantic gestures and "pick us over anything else", this is not life and if you keep expecting this you will be disappointed. Sacrifice and romantic gestures come with investment and a man knowing you well, a man who barely knows you will most likely not do what you're expecting.

 

Wouldn't it be romantic? Yes. Would it be reality? No.

[frozengirl]

I never said I would not see him again. There are other times other than NYE we can hang out. But he does work and has been tired and working til 11PM so us hanging out is difficult due to that and we live a bit aways 45-1 hour drive.

[Winterina]

Oh please tell me you are still a teen!!

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I don't know how old you are but I would say you are not compatible if you don't do those things at all.

 

I was at a party some time ago and I met a couple who both didn't drink at all, so there are some.

 

Also, if it makes you feel better, once you get old (like me), it will be more the exception to the rule that people drink than vice versa.

 

I've tried finding someone that meets what I am into etc. Every time I do this is what happens;

 

1. I write them and they don't write me back

 

3. They assume I am a man due to my looks

 

So I have to keep looking I guess.

 

Do tell. This is interesting, I would like to hear more.

[aggie382]

My point case in this topic was wouldn't it have been more romantic if the guy would have picked me over the party? Even if it was 1 date or a month of dating if the guy picks the girl over the party or something else, that is telling the girl "I like you more than anything else" thats amazing to hear from a guy than him picking his friends or a party or video games or anything else, because he likes you so much he wants you and you only. IF I was a guy I would have picked the girl over anything else.

 

He shouldn't be liking you more than anything else or over spending NYE with his friends doing what he enjoys after just a couple dates. You're expecting far too much.

[almond]

My point case in this topic was wouldn't it have been more romantic if the guy would have picked me over the party? Even if it was 1 date or a month of dating if the guy picks the girl over the party or something else, that is telling the girl "I like you more than anything else" thats amazing to hear from a guy than him picking his friends or a party or video games or anything else, because he likes you so much he wants you and you only. IF I was a guy I would have picked the girl over anything else.

 

You're too immature to be dating. Work on adjusting your view on things, because if you continue to think as you are, your unreasonable need for validation will ruin any relationship that you enter into.

 

It's not healthy or realistic by any means, and you won't be able to enjoy a happy relationship until you address and resolve this.

[frozengirl]

I've known guys and girls who liked the person they were dating A LOT after a few dates or even a few months so it does exist and people do, prefer picking their partner over whatever it is at the time so that does exist too.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've known guys and girls who liked the person they were dating A LOT after a few dates or even a few months so it does exist and people do, prefer picking their partner over whatever it is at the time so that does exist too.

 

How old are you again?

 

Honestly, I think at that age (young 20s?), even if I had a cute, cool girlfriend (dare to dream), I'd probably try and get out of spending NYE with her to go get seriously wasted with my friends.

 

Of course, such hyperbole is easy because I didn't have any girlfriend, let alone someone like that.

 

But I think many guys are similar. Especially guys who are actually good with women. They're not doing that. Especially with someone they are not serious with. They're going to go out and party.

 

Women too. I have stories about women going out to party and talking up other guys while 'dating' some guy who liked them a lot.

Edited December 29, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Zahara]

I've known guys and girls who liked the person they were dating A LOT after a few dates or even a few months so it does exist and people do, prefer picking their partner over whatever it is at the time so that does exist too.

 

And I know men and women that like/love their date/partner enough to compromise and make an exception by getting out of their comfort zone and doing what their date/partner likes. The same can be said and applied about you and your insistence that it should be your way. You project and feel rather entitled. He's not asking you to party every weekend. Just a once in a year event and you can't make an exception. Likely he's saying the same thing about you.

Edited December 29, 2014 by Zahara

[Rydo]

Its hogmany... Anything short of a wife in labour will not stop me enjoying a party. Especially over sitting at home, not drinking or having any fun at all by the sound of things.

 

There are some guys that will ditch all their friends etc for a girl. They dont have friends for long after that.

[Tonic]

Why bother asking a question on here if you're not going to take in and accept what people are trying to tell you?

 

You were invited - whether you attend or not is up to you.. You declined, why should he cancel plans for NYE because you're not into that kind of scene?

 

I'm assuming you have been on a few dates, and this party is with really good mates - i know what i would choose.

[Tayken]

I've known guys and girls who liked the person they were dating A LOT after a few dates or even a few months so it does exist and people do, prefer picking their partner over whatever it is at the time so that does exist too.

 

Based on your age category....let me break it to you that this is merely a case of infatuation in what you describe, NOT love. Just like in the movie frozen where they are vying for Elsa's attention

[elaine567]

Perhaps instead of making it all about you and your needs then perhaps you need to think of it from his point of view.

 

He met you you have gone on a few dates and no doubt he has told all his friends about you and how he has asked you to meet them at the NYE party. Great!!

 

BUT you say you don't want to go.... disaster!!

His friends will all be saying "she is just not into you."

He is totally embarrassed and the whole thing will put a damper on your future relationship, if there is any future relationship....

[d0nnivain]

Your idea of romance is a quiet possibly candle lit NYE for 2.

 

 

His idea of romance is showing his new lady off to his friends, dancing the night away & a kiss at midnight under possibly fireworks (I'm envisioning big party here).

 

 

Both are romantic. He didn't fail to choose romance. He just had a different vision of it that you don't share.

 

 

You are absolutely free to make this a deal breaker because it will be a recurring issue. Even if he picked your quiet version of the perfect NYE celebration would you be willing to give his version a try next year? I don't get the sense that you would be cause you have already said you hate parties, all parties, & all drinking.

 

 

It was a few dates. It didn't lead to happily ever after. So what? Just move forward & stop dwelling.

[Detectingfreak]

I am not really social, but I would pass hanging out with a girl any day who is not my long term gf for drinks and smoking weed with friends. It is understandable why he did this. Girls are disposable, but what are not is alcohol and weed. Especially if you have only known the girl a short while. Who wants to hangout with someone and waste a new years eve and then get dumped the next week? That would have been a super waste.

 

It would have been a different scenario if you guys had known each other longer. Give the dude a break and chill.

[Detectingfreak]

I never said I would not see him again. There are other times other than NYE we can hang out. But he does work and has been tired and working til 11PM so us hanging out is difficult due to that and we live a bit aways 45-1 hour drive.

 

Get a new boyfriend whose closer. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You will find one day he cheated on you with someone else because you were too far away.

[d0nnivain]

Get a new boyfriend whose closer. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You will find one day he cheated on you with someone else because you were too far away.

 

 

She does need to date someone else but not because they are 1 hour away from each other. 45 minutes to 1 hour is not "too far away". Many people commute at least that far every day for work.

 

 

Somebody who thinks they need to cheat because their SO is a whole hour away needs new priorities.

[Diezel]

IF I was a guy I would have picked the girl over anything else.

 

He did, but the girl decided to pick herself over anything else.

He wanted to bring you into his world and have you join him. You want to isolate him from the world because of your idea of romance means taking him away from the thing he wants to do.

 

Hardly romantic.

 

Let him go do his thing and stop harboring such emotions about this. You also made a choice too.

[elaine567]

Get a new boyfriend whose closer. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You will find one day he cheated on you with someone else because you were too far away.

 

That is an interesting concept.

If 45 minutes is definite cheating distance because it is "too far away", what is the cheating threshold time - 10 minutes away, 15 mins, 20, 30, 40 minutes maybe?

[Redhead14]

Me, I have never been a party goer or one to go to partys nor have I ever drank, smoked, or done drugs ever in my life because I choose not to do these things.

 

Anyway, this one guy I have gone on a few dates, told me of this New Years Eve party, where there will be drinking, smoking etc. Just a typical hang out and drink etc. get together.

 

Me not being into this sort of thing passed on it but this guy plans to go to it. In my mind I was thinking it would have been more romantic or nice of him to have said or done this, "I don't have to go to the party, I'd rather spend New Years Eve with you instead of some party any day".

 

Of course this was not the case and again he chose the party over me. Why is it that some guys and girls rather choose this or that over you? Whether id' be like this going to a party than hang with you, or go to the movies with friends than spend time with you, among other similarities.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

After a "few" dates I would not expect to hear that or even be invited to go with him. If I'd become exclusive and dating for a while, I might hope for it, but not expect it. It's somewhat unusual to spent holidays together before you've been dating for some time. Usually even then, we would make plans to have our "own" day . . . like make a special dinner for just the two of you on another day close to that holiday.