Do I move forward without closure?

[chasingcomplexity]

This might be a bit lengthy so bare with me folks.

 

A little background history, I have a thing to chase and pursue complicated relationships, I find a challenge far more rewarding because I believe the great things in life are earned , not to fall in your lap, some may or not disagree, that's your opinion. I also feel people who know what hardship is have a better idea of understanding me as I have complications as well. I won't go into full detail of the events that occurred because I honestly can write a book about this but I'll best try to summarize this as best as possible.

 

I have been on the chase with this one woman for about roughly 3 years. We first started talking late winter 2012. Our first problem came around in spring when we got too close too and she just jetted outta my life, blocked my number, blocked me on skype without a warning (worse way to disappear IMO). We started talking again 2-3 weeks later from that incident because I was so determined for answers for at least why, at least provide me closure so if I was at fault, I would learn from whatever I did. After that, we saw each other again and it was just awkward being there, I could still feel the tension. Communication started to die around summer of 2012, her phone couldn't be paid and I got a hold of her through email, we exchanged back and fourth but eventually stopped. She then reached out to me during Hurricane Sandy if I was alright and I asked why would she even care. Anyways, we talked again and then I cut her off In at the end of January 2013, she was being too cold and unresponsive, a lot of the times it felt like it was a constant one way street and felt like she didn't care for my presence.

 

A year later, after trial and error with several women I dated/slept with that year, she would keep coming back to my head, in my dreams, like the chapter was unfinished and that I felt it was a sign I had to initiate back to see what it meant. So I did, we started talking Around Feb 2014 up until now. I learned a lot more about her and why the way she is, she's afraid of commitment (apparently suffered a lot of loss in her life and it has changed her) which makes her fearful to get close to people, doesn't communicate that well when it comes to her emotions and requires no need of people. Daddy issues are definitely there, no doubt about it. Sometimes she'll come of very cold and still make me feel like I am pestering when she tells me I am not. Then there are days where she'll make me feel like a kid receiving awesome birthday gifts. It was a lot hot and cold feelings, I mean we slept together after I thought those odds were impossible and she started to open up a lot more. However, when this woman is busy, there were times she would acknowledge me and communicate when she would be free be and other times, nada. See what I mean by hot and cold? I always felt like I was like a low priority, I am not saying put me on top of the chain but I am a human being with feelings and if you consider me your "exclusive" since you don't label relationships, she could of at least be consistent with that, but she wasn't.

 

I generally thought things were improving but come the past 2 months, I barely had normal conversation with her, just minimal chatter through text at best, little to none phone-calls, its also to account for she was in her last year of college and she had a lot on her plate to deal with but I figured after she finished things would kinda of normalize, but they didn't, she kept saying she was busy and she was sorry but how busy can a person be not to take 5 mins of their time to at least inform you? I explained to her how it was bothersome and all she would say is sorry but not really improve it. (Mind you, I am very critical on effective communication, I feel it's always essential to speak your mind and talk about whatever disturbs you so you don't plan a seed of doom that will grow into more problems).

 

In result of her neglecting to communicate effectively, I managed to feel more neglected and a bit paranoid. I then discovered her personal facebook where her ex was tagging her in these soulmate/relationships pictures(mind you she doesn't have me on her FB but her ex, because apparently this was suppose to be a "family/personal account".

 

You could only imagine how I felt when I see that, so I called her up on Christmas Eve to ask whats that all about (granted she was not a happy camper especially considering how little time she has with her family and I pretty much ruined her night bringing that up) I was not entirely selfish but I was emotionally drained from feeling neglected, plus I wasn't aware she was spending time with her family because she never told me, nonetheless, I apologized because I am not inhuman. She told me he was just "an ex that couldn't let go"...yet she would still respond to some of his posts and those pictures I mentioned. Maybe it was me going over the top by snooping around but I have a history of people being dishonest with me.

 

Now she's more than upset with me because I took her silence/being busy for something else, not trusting her and taking the initiative to dig information about her to create "problems". I asked to talk to her on the phone to soothe things out but she rather text because she has been nothing but stressed/upset with work and having little to no free time. She told me she was already upset and that I came to her at the worst time with the worst situation fueling her negative emotions even further saying how she wanted just to disappear from everyone, including her family.

 

I also then requested for us to hang out and just relax, just to talk things out, she declined and then I asked if she wants to be left alone, she said yes and finally I asked, for good? she just goes I"ll think about it, said she was going to sleep and apologized to me for being a bitch"

 

Now I am left in these knots with her last message, my mind is telling me to abandon ship for I deserve far better than this but my heart is aching because of the amount of time I have invested and seen progress over the months between us. I don't know what "think about it means" it translate to no but maybe that's me being negative, but I know when someone doesn't want to be bothered, I won't do it until they come to me. I don't really like to meet new people, not I am afraid of new experiences but they are tiresome and I don't have all that much time to meet new people, I don't move on until I know there is no hope whatsoever in repairing what I have, now if we were talking about replacing a device for a faster/better experience, I'll do it in a heart beat assuming the price is right but people? no...I sink to the bottom with the boat to make sure it never comes back from the past to haunt me. I cut ties completely once things are officially over.

 

Again, I apologize for the lengthiness of this entry but please free to add your opinions or ask any questions. Thank you and hope you're all having a wonderful holidays!

Edited December 28, 2014 by chasingcomplexity

[almond]

You've been chasing the same woman for three years. She has repeatedly blocked you from all social media etc. and indicated that she wants nothing to do with you. You then persist and she caves, entertaining some texts and a phone call here and there.

 

 

You blame the fact that she ignores you and treats you like dirt on her "issues." She just doesn't like you enough to give you any more.

 

 

There is no closure to be had here...let this one go for good. At this point, it really is just unhealthy.

[chasingcomplexity]

She only blocked me once, not repeatedly, and she's anti-social and actually, I asked her to tell me when she wanted nothing to do with me and she told me she would be bold with, otherwise, she wouldn't travel an hour and half just to come see me. The more of the neglecting part didn't start to happen until in November.

 

But there's certainly no denying it's unhealthy.

[coolheadal]

I've read your story, but at most I have to say WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING! This is just clearly a woman doing whatever she wants to do and you have fallen into the cracks with her. All this blocking means she wants you out of her way of living both online and in the real world. But there you are stuck in the cracks of your own world seeking more with this woman and the end result is always the same thing.

 

Have you really listen to her hidden message? She'll think about it Right their you know it's time to pack-up what life you have left and more on. Forget this type of woman. I would even give her the time and day. But you have wasted so much of your time trying to hardest sticking with it for 3 years. Wow!

 

Fill in those cracks and get away from this messy mess right away!

[Trimmer]

My concern for you is that if you ever get the a place where most people would be starting a typically "stable" relationship, will there be any way you will be satisfied? Wouldn't this represent the end of the most enticing part of the relationship for you?

 

Have you been in long-term relationships, and how does this play out?

[ExpatInItaly]

Three years of this? I know you say you like a challenge, but this is just a plain waste of your time. She's not that interested, or she would have become your girlfriend a long time ago. It's beyond time to move on.