Fox007d Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Hi all appreciate any advise here. I'm 32 in nyc who met an amazing girl 28 yrs online in September. She lives a few miles in queens and I'm in Manhattan. Our first date was fantastic. Second date for dinner turned out to be 50 hours long (she stayed the weekend). Every since then it's been almost like a fairy tail with her spending 5 days a week at my place. (Maybe too much time together?). It really was amazing or at least I though so. She was chilled and would enjoy dinner and wine bar or even stay on the sofa relaxing. Honestly best first 3 months of a new relationship I've had. Last week she also suggested a trip in Jan to the beach or a trip to our hometowns. (Our individual families live far away so we were spending the holidays together in NYC). On Christmas day we were having brunch and drinks at "our spot" when she told me she wanted to go home to her place and be alone since she did not feel well. She left home in a taxi but we stayed in contact rest of the day and Friday. She said she was not feeling well. This morning she asked if I could come to her place in queens which I did thinking we will walk around get lunch etc. Then she dropped the bomb where she said she no longer had feelings and had been losing interest since thanksgiving! And she did not want to waste both our times. I was and still in shock. Everything went from a high to a low. We never fought, always used to make each other laugh, other couples we would speak to thought we were together for years let alone a few months. I tired to reason or understand what changed but she just said she did not see herself spending the rest of her life with me. And that it was 3 months of getting to know each other and life goes on. I asked if she was really sure she said 100% she has been thinking about it for 2 weeks. We exchanged Christmas gifts on Thursday!! I really liked her and unless I am completely clueless she def liked me (or I thought she did). She said next not to text or talk till next week when she will pickup her things from my place. Can anyone help me understand what happened here? Why would she suggest a trip in January and even look at deals and fares during her work last week if she was losing interest and planning to break up? Thanks for your time. Heartbroken, confused and devastated. fml.
Author Fox007d Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Some more info for anyone interested... We did have conversations about our future interests. I like my nyc job and don't have plans to leave anytime soon but she mentioned casually she has thought about leaving for a year and living elsewhere. So she is Russian moved here at 18 to goto college and stayed in the US since. Also her dad passed away in October a few weeks after we started dating and her brother was hit by a car a few weeks ago but he is fine aside from a minor injury. He skypes with her brother and mom a lot. Yesterday she did text me to say she misses her brother a lot. After she broke up this morning I asked her if she just wanted to leave the U.S. and go back to her family etc. Again she just said it's not that she does not see herself with me long term. She would not give me anymore reason but in her mind she was being honest and mature telling me the truth. I have lost her haven't i?
trippi1432 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Sweetie...her Visa is up, has nothing to do personally with you.
Author Fox007d Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 She has a permenant green card so that can't be it. Amy other ideas please? Thank you
Ieris Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Sometimes people stop and think where is this going? If they don't see a future they cut the cord before things go any further. You could be having fun, it can be like magic but some people wake up and think actually he/she is not the one for me. People do get carried away, there may be no arguments and fights but something else is going on in their heads. There are people who back off when they start to develop strong feelings (commitment phobes). Also there are people who fall in love quickly but fall out of it just as quick. Some lose interest after the honeymoon period. It could be many things but you should stop trying to figure it out as it will get you no where. Whatever the reason, the outcome is still the same. I'm sorry this has happened to you but try to move on... 1
somedude81 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Some women can feel their interest in you going down but they keep it completely to themselves and try very hard to not let you know something is wrong. And then once they lose all feelings for you, they suddenly dump you. Well to you it's sudden, for them it's something they've been planning for a month. Same thing happened to me last year. Were together for six months and I never saw a single problem. One day I'm suddenly single. 2
lil hoodlum Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Maybe she didn't want to be single and alone during the holidays? Seems an awful big coincedence that she broke things off with you right after Christmas. 1
TB1608 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I think you moved on too fast and they honeymoon period is over, add that to the fact that she misses her family and it makes sense that she suddenly backed off. Take it easy and don't contact her for a while, let her have her space. The holidays make people lonely and she may have realized she isnt happy with her life right now and wants to start fresh without you.
ThorntonMelon Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 As you said you are devastated and out of your mind. It will probably take you 3-6 months to realize her reasons are irrelevant. She wasted your month pretending to be together, and whatever the reason it wasn't meant to be. You need to stop texting her and stop asking for explanations, as they are meaningless, unlikely to be truthful, and frankly, they won't make you feel better. You should pick an athletic target of some sort and force yourself to work towards it every day until you get there. I'd bet right around the time you get there, you'll be past the worst part of this pain. Good luck, we're all here because we've been there. 1
Author Fox007d Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 I really do appreciate everyones thoughts on this and thank you. I am just so confused since she said she has been thinking seriously about breaking up the last few weeks..... Then why did she suggest taking a weekend trip in jan to the beach? Why did she ask if I wanted to visit Russia with her soon? 2 days before she sent me a link to a restaurant she wanted to go with me this weekend? I mean she is planning all these thing while she is losing interest and wants to breakup?!! I don't understand. Is it at all possible that she wants to be alone in general and just focus on family and the loss of her dad rather than work on our relationship? If so is it possible she can come around if I give her space? Thanks again for your time all.
erklat Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 You just back off, live your life to te fullest and do not contact her no matter what. She can't give you what you are seeking at this moment even if she wanted to .
ThorntonMelon Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 You're not reading the advice. Please understand that is because you are so far gone right now. We tell you that there is nothing to figure out and even if you could figure it out it wouldn't matter. You respond by asking how she can come around and asking us to interpret what someone who is clearly very unreliable is thinking. So I'll try one more time. Right now you are both incredibly erratic. She is erratic because she jerked you around. You are erratic because you're suffering tremendously from grief. I would say for at least 90 days you need to not talk to her, about her, or anything. In 90 days, you should come back on here and post about your feelings about things. My hope is the distance will allow you some amount of clarity.
Elle1975 Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 The dating period allows two people to get to know each other, and decide if they want to pursue the relationship. Seems like she doesn't. Too bad she didn't tell you why exactly.
Jayrok Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 I hear ya bro. I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment. It really sucks when you feel so much chemistry and attraction to someone and they feed you promises of the future then rip it away in an instant. Mine was the best 2 months I've ever had with any girl, and not even 2 hours before she broke it off with me, she was calling me baby and telling me to come say hi to her family (who loved me btw) because she was serving them at the place she works. 0 red flags until the moment she broke it off. Turns out she is going back to her ex whom mistreated her and I treated her like a queen. Just some food for thought, there may be another guy in the picture. Maybe not officially, yet, but she probably has her sights set on one. I know it's a horrible thing to imagine but everyone here is right. Cut off all contact and focus on yourself. She doesn't deserve you and if she was telling you the 100% truth, then that's even MORE motivation to not waste your time with someone who will not appreciate you for you. It's seriously the most painful thing and trust me when I say I'm right there with you. Feels like you've been shot in the chest with 00 buckshot. If she contacts you again, tell her it's not fair to you to keep in contact with her because she's not willing to give you what YOU want and desire. Sounds selfish but do you really want to be friends with someone who will use you like this? I think not. If you don't want to burn the bridge for a future reconciliation, wish her the best, hope things work out for her, and tell her to call you if she changes her mind. Until then you're gonna focus on yourself and date other women. If there's any chance she has feelings and was just lying to cover up a new boyfriend, she will take this as a sign that you are strong and just fine without her. She will respect that. It will also give you more strength for standing your ground, and make it that much easier to get over her if she doesn't come crawling back. I know I'm gonna do this when I have to go pick up my **** from my ex's house. Never EVER disrespect yourself to a woman who doesn't appreciate you. Show's you're weak and insecure. I know I've ****ed that up many times and I've been moping around and she's seen it. Doesn't change a damn thing and ultimately, you are better than what she gave you. Hope this helps!!
Author Fox007d Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Hey all. It's been a little over 3 weeks since my gf broke up with me suddenly. I def feel better but still miss her. 2 weeks ago she texted asking if she could pickup her clothes to which I responded "mailed them" that's it. No contact since then. I unfriended her on FB. Also started a personal workout training goal for 2 months so help boost my spirits and self esteem. One thing to note I went back to the dating app we met on and she is active on it too. (I blocked her on the app). So clearly she just felt I wasn't good enough. Hurts yes but def trying to keep up the spirits. Thanks for all the advise. Will update again. Hopefully it gets better. I really need to be in a state why I can honesty say "I dont care about her".
Koans Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Soon as I read the title all I thought of was REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.
Recommended Posts