Cakess Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Okay I've been seeing the same guy off and on now for about 3 years and we seem to consistently have the same issue: he never pays ANY attention to me. I have to BEG him to call at least once a day, he never texts and when he does it is very boring or highly sexual and then just falls off completely. He seems completely comfortable going three days or more without speaking although I have made it clear that I want a romantic and emotionally connected feeling constantly in this LTR. He's in the national guard and has been gone all semester for training and when he does it's all letters and phone calls and promises to spend time. I know he loves me dearly and we have been talking about getting our first apartment together and even marriage. He's been home a week and a half and I have yet to see him!! We didn't even spend Christmas together! I feel like I'm being toyed with and I'm starting to suspect cheating but I'm so crazy in love with him I don't know what to do. He was my first and everything. What do you all think? Should I break it off for good?
darkmoon Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) expect less, he is just being himself what does he say about you when you do see each other? srsly, what words does he use? Edited December 28, 2014 by darkmoon
Author Cakess Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 There's nothing to say about me. I haven't seen him in person since September he couldn't even tell you what I look like and it doesn't seem to bother him.
darkmoon Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) a week and a half...unless he is tired from the rigors of the army, or suddenly embarrassed and impotent, let him turn up if you want to give him a chance, if you contact him it might make him worse your voice might sounds accusing or miserable, so hold back, imho, get a nice dress ready for him or some1 else, keep your options open, not sure why you want to live with him without a ring, see Edited December 28, 2014 by darkmoon
kmoney85 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 When you date someone, you want them around and cannot wait to see them again. You call, skype, email, etc. when apart. There is no way I'd go a week or more without seeing my SO when I could. I would definitely question their commitment to the relationship. They say actions speak louder than words. Despite what he says, he is not showing you how much he cares. If he knows it bothers you and hasnt changed, it just might be his personality, and if that is the case, you need to decide if that is something you can live with. Otherwise, it may be best to move on and find someone who matches your expectations in a relationship 5
aggie382 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Be careful with the use of the word 'NEVER'.
SomeDude16 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Possibly it's his way of coping? Maybe he feels bad having to talk all the time and not see you so he'd rather keep things to a minimum? Just a thought.
Author Cakess Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 I fear that if I stop calling every other day he'll leave again in a week for 7 months this time and we wouldn't have met up at all. And... why wouldn't I want to live with him without a ring? I wouldn't want to marry someone without knowing if our living habits are compatible, if we can handle being in the same rooms day after day. Jumping head first into that seems risky.
darkmoon Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) I fear that if I stop calling every other day he'll leave again in a week for 7 months this time and we wouldn't have met up at all. And... why wouldn't I want to live with him without a ring? I wouldn't want to marry someone without knowing if our living habits are compatible, if we can handle being in the same rooms day after day. Jumping head first into that seems risky. men directly shun marriage, but you sound so loved up that i suspect you are reciting his mantra he is not some milionaire with much to lose in a divorce, look elsewhere, he is too casual all round, i do not see suited Edited December 28, 2014 by darkmoon
WonderWoman911 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I think that you should break things off with this guy. This has been going on for too long, THREE YEARS and nothing has change. You don't want to go through this relationship begging for attention from the things a significant other is suppose to do. You've expressed your concern about this to him,but he's not taking anything into consideration. You have all of the signs in front of you, and deep down you know something is suspicious. It doesn't seem like he wants to change. He's giving you these broken promises and false hope and you don't deserve that type of treatment. It's fine to be friends with him in my opinion,but I wouldn't continue a relationship if you aren't happy. At the end of the day, you have to be happy. 3
CALOVELY Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I fear that if I stop calling every other day he'll leave again in a week for 7 months this time and we wouldn't have met up at all. And... why wouldn't I want to live with him without a ring? I wouldn't want to marry someone without knowing if our living habits are compatible, if we can handle being in the same rooms day after day. Jumping head first into that seems risky. Why would you want to live with him at all? You wrote that if you do not reach out to him every other day, he will leave without seeing you and to date he still has not taken the time to meet with you. Why are you planning a future with someone who does so little to keep the relationship alive?
PinkCarnations Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Go read Why Men Love Bitches. Your nagging and demanding attention only pushes him away further. I would pull away, and let him contact you. Then after some time, you don't hear from him at all, break it off. show him that you can be without him.
somedude81 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 What are you getting out of this relationship? Do you feel your needs are being met? Are you happy? IMO, him being home for a week and a half and not trying to see you doesn't exactly say "He loves me dearly." 3
Conners Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 A week and a half home and you haven't seen him? Yikes.. he obviously doesn't miss you that much. 2
coolheadal Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 He's into his current assignment. Right now your a distraction to him so he won't call you or be with you as you want because he's doing his own thing. Really got to think about it? 3 years and well you know again he doesn't sound so keen on you. If he was he would be so excited to see you! Take that as a hint and move on and find a guy who really digs to be around you. That's what all of this is all about to be loved and in loved. Someone wants to be with you so much, that's what your seek and not this guy. His girl is his current assignment!
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Does this guy even realise he's your boyfriend? He's certainly not acting like it. I'd be surprised if he isn't seeing other people on the side. After three years, this is not going to change. The lack of self-respect you have for yourself is a huge turn-off to anybody. He's not going to be the person you want him to be. End it, and move on. But learn to respect yourself first and work out some more healthy boundaries for relationships, or you'll be a magnet for every jerk out there who's looking for a girl they can treat like crap and get away with it. 2
Diezel Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 You haven't seen him since September? On and off in the past 3 years? Um, does he know he is your boyfriend? Because it doesn't seem like it to me. 5
Trimmer Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 There's nothing to say about me. I haven't seen him in person since September he couldn't even tell you what I look like and it doesn't seem to bother him. I'm so crazy in love with him... I can't figure out why you would be, given the status of the relationship between the two of you.... He was my first and everything. Ahhh.... this may start to put it into perspective. How old are each of you? I wonder if you are crazy in love with him because you feel like you need a partner to "complete" you, and you don't know any better either (a) what a relationship can be, or (b) that you can and should be able to live perfectly well on your own - as a strong, independent individual - without a boyfriend. When you consider leaving him, does the idea of being alone scare you? Do you feel like you'd need to fill that empty space with another man as soon as possible?
Els Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Has he always been this way, or is this something recent? Anyway, not acceptable. Please don't move in with this guy or marry him until you have resolved this.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 He's not that into you. It's painfully obvious. I would not continue this relationship. You should find someone who is happy to see you and makes you a priority, not an option. Honestly, it sounds as though you're not really even an option at this point either. Time to move on, girl.
stillafool Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I agree that his is not that into you. If he didn't even try to see you for Christmas he is not your bf. If you think he is ignoring you now just live with him and you may never see him. I doubt if he wants to live with you the way he is acting. There may be another woman.
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 Okay I've been seeing the same guy off and on now for about 3 years and we seem to consistently have the same issue: He never pays ANY attention to me. I have to BEG him to call at least once a day, He never texts and when he does it is very boring or highly sexual then (the contact) just falls off completely. He seems completely comfortable going three days or more without speaking He's been home a week and a half and I have yet to see him!! We didn't even spend Christmas together! I feel like I'm being toyed withI'm starting to suspect cheating but I'm so crazy in love with him I don't know what to do. He was my first and everything. What do you all think? Should I break it off for good? I know he loves me dearly Are you kidding???!! You are lying to yourself. Stop lying to yourself NOW, read what you wrote, and realise he doesn't care a hoot about you. I suggest you stop texting, stop contacting him and go find someone who does actually care about you. 1
stillafool Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 I fear that if I stop calling every other day he'll leave again in a week for 7 months this time and we wouldn't have met up at all. This doesn't sound like this guy is your boyfriend. A bf would make sure he made time for you. Heck, he would want sex.
Author Cakess Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 I can't figure out why you would be, given the status of the relationship between the two of you.... Ahhh.... this may start to put it into perspective. How old are each of you? I wonder if you are crazy in love with him because you feel like you need a partner to "complete" you, and you don't know any better either (a) what a relationship can be, or (b) that you can and should be able to live perfectly well on your own - as a strong, independent individual - without a boyfriend. When you consider leaving him, does the idea of being alone scare you? Do you feel like you'd need to fill that empty space with another man as soon as possible? I am 19 and he is 20. I don't like the thought of being alone but only because I can't be with HIM, if that makes sense. I don't want just anybody. And even though sometimes I want to break up he'll make this grand gesture of showing up with jewelry or taking me out or writing me romantic letters while he's away and it pulls me right back in. I don't want to leave him but I also hate feeling single when I'm supposed to be in a relationship.
Diezel Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 What's the difference? You're single right now, you just can't see it. 3
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